is it ok to ground a 20 year old?

Question

my 20 year old daughter has been staying out all night, which we do not have an issue with, but we have an issue with her not calling. ours rules are simple, if you are not going to be home by midnight, you must call by 10 pm unless an emergency. after several warnings, I grounded her for a week. she thinks I am mean and has moved out. IS having her call if she is not going to be home proper?

for those that think grounding is not the right thing to do, what do you suggest if she breaks the rules. My goal is to have her remain in the house, finish school, get settled in a job, then once secure, get a place on her own. I do not want to throw her out on the streets, so she can not finish school, however I want her to respect my rules and expectations.

Answer 1

you can try and ground her but you keep doing things like that you are going to push her to move out.... believe me i'm 20 and i moved out of my mom's house a year ago this week for that same reason she kept pushing me to do things and wanted me to drop everything and do what she wanted me to do

Answer 2

I must be the meanest, most controlling mother on the planet, because my 22 year old still has to be home by 1am on the weekends and midnight weeknights. I don't lay my head down until my kids are where they are supposed to be, and I have to get up at 5:30 every morning, so I insist that she be in. I expect BOTH my girls (I also have a 15 yr old) to call me if they leave the place they WERE and go somewhere different. This is respect, and if she can't handle having to give it to me, then she is more than welcome to move somewhere where she doesn't have to anwer to anyone else, and while she's there, she can pay her own rent, and buy her own food and pay her own power bill! Not a problem!
So, yes, I think asking her to show a little respect to you by following simple ( my girls would LOVE your house! LOL) rules and regulations is not too much to ask for!! She may do some real growing up here real quick!

Answer 3

It is common courtesy and proper respect for her to make a simple phone call to let you know she will not be home that night. How else are you supposed to know when to call the police, that she may be missing?!? Is it okay to ground a 20 year old, no I don't think so, you should have asked her to move out if she did not want to follow household rules.

Answer 4

she is an adult, but she was living in your home. That means all of your rules apply. If she can't follow the rules, you have every right to tell her to get her own place. You can't ground her, she isn't 12, but you can control your own living environment. If she wants to live there, even if she is paying a little rent, she must abide by the rules. You need to make this clear to her, or she will walk all over you. Good luck.

Answer 5

Not only proper, but safe. She needs to make sure that people know where she is. Whether its you, or a best friend, or someone.

As far as letting you know if she lives in the house. Yes, its just respectful of your time and your house.

Problem solved though, she moved out. But I would call her and just run down the safety issues. For example, she runs off to play for the night, doesn't tell anyone where she's going, and gets in an accident, or finds herself in a bad scene. And NO ONE KNOWS SHE"S THERE.

Point out that you don't want her to turn into a bad horror movie.

Answer 6

As long as she still lives in your house, then yes, you can ground her. If she refuses to follow your rules, then let her move out. She is an adult, and she needs to learn her lessons, even if that means doing it the hard way. If it is more important to her to stay out late and have fun than to be able to live at home, rent-free and continue going to school, then let her make that decision. She will probably come to her senses soon. Just let her know that you will always be there for her if she chooses to follow your house rules.

Answer 7

Nah it's alright. She should have respect your rule and be grateful for what you have provide to her so far. Most parents wouldn't even let their 20 years old kid live with them, so she should consider you very generous especially by fact that you allow her out later than midnight. Most parents would make their grown kids come home at midnight no matter what.

However you may want to keep in mind when you're older and need someone to live with, she can either ground you or choose your to nursery home.

Answer 8

At 20 you can't ground her. You should have told what the consequences would be if she didn't follow the rules, like haivng to find a place of her own. Expecting a call is not only allowed it is a common curtesy that many teens and young adults forget. A call should always be made if only to ease the minds of those who would worry.

Answer 9

I'm 22 and I lived with my parents until I was 21. We had a great relationship and I always respected their rules. You sound really easy going to me. I wasn't even allowed to stay out all night, unless I knew before hand. There was no calling to let them know. We agreed on a time beforehand and that was that. Of course things change but had I threatened to move out, my parents would have said good luck and good riddens. She will come to her senses. I don't know where you live but living on your own is hard. Don't enable her to take advantage of you. Your house, your rules. I was legally allowed to drink and still had a curfew. I didn't resent my parents for it, and I surely never got into any kind of trouble because I knew my parents had my best interests in mind. Good luck.

Answer 10

10 pm is kinda early in my opinion. Sometimes its a spur of the moment thing and not really an emergency. BUT, if you are supporting her in any manner, then the person must abide by the rules of the house or else MOVE OUT. Thank you very much.

Answer 11

It's your roof, your rules...age does not matter.

Being that she is 20, she has the choice to be under your roof with all it provides (Financially) or to strike it out on her own.

As long as she is under your roof, you will care and worry about her...if she is mature and adult, she should understand this and thus honor your rules out of respect.

If not, then some tough love is in order.

The difficult part for you may just be in letting go.

If she has decided to move out, then let her...don't try to convince her otherwise. If you do then you are falling for manipulation or you are being controlling.

This will be a tough time which will perhaps last a few years as she grows into her own womanhood, but she must go through it.

Just remember, there are no guarantees. She will either make it or not on her own. How you parent your adult child will help to mold and shape her.

Are you willing to let go? Are you willing to let her experience the bumps and bruises of life on her own? Are you willing to stick to your rules and boundaries within your roof?

As for me, I had to learn the hard way...fortunately I spent some time in the Army which allowed me to make some grown up mistakes while not suffering some truly harsh consequences. In time, I grew out of my immaturity and now I have great respect for not only my parents, but for the fact that there are other people in this world besides myself...