what do i do about my pregnant girlfriend?

Question

okay my girlfriend is pregnant and she is about 6 months well last night i told her to give the baby up for adobtion because im not ready to be a father and i want to go into the mariens well she told me and she was not going to and that i should have said something earlier and i should be supporting her not giving her a hard time right now well im not ready to be a father and i think we should so i can have a life in the marines what do i to convice my girlfriend to or do you think it's wrong that i am even mentioning it to her because she was crying last night about it i don't know what to do im just so mad at her she wont do what i want her to do what do i do?

Answer 1

Think about what you are saying. You are asking her to give up a baby that she has carried in her womb for 9 months so that you can fulfill your dreams. That is pretty callous don't you think. If you are not ready to be tied down with a family then perhaps you should go your separate ways. You should still financially support your child. I would make my first priority apologizing for my own selfishness. The other thing you should do is abstain from sex until you are ready to take on the responsibilities that sometimes come with it. Sorry, if I sound harsh but I can not imagine someone doing this to me if I were pregnant. You can still go into the marines and be a father at the same time. Many of our soldiers at war right now have families waiting on them at home. If you wanted to you could be a father and a marine at the same time. Think about it.

P.S. If you force the adoption idea and she does comply she will more than likely have resentment against you. The relationship is bound to fail if not now than later as a result.

Answer 2

First there are now three of you. It's no longer about you and you alone...nor is it about her.

Now convincing her to do something or not will only come off as controlling and will lead to further dysfunctional behaviors.

I can give you some advice from a real life experience. I'm 38, spent 7 1/2 years in the army...I've been married 15 years, my wife and I have two sons ages 15 and 16.

Yes, my wife was pregnant before we got married...actually my oldest son was two months old at our wedding and wore a baby tuxedo to the wedding...but that is yet another story.

I too was not ready to be a father...heck, sometimes I wonder if I am ready today, but so far we have done well as a family.

As a parent, we have to learn to sacrifice, not only for our kids, but our spouse and the good of our family.

I commend you on your desire to become a Marine and I wont lie to you, your career in the Marines and your life as a father will be a challenge.

Keep in mind that your girlfriend did not get pregnant on her own and you have as much responsibility in the life of that child. The choice of adoption, although a good one, is a decision that must be made as a family (Boyfriend/Girlfriend).

I would encourage you to each get some individual counseling, so that a non-biased 3rd party can help by asking questions and allowing each of you to gain perspectives on your own motives.

You have established why you would like to give the child up for adoption...but why does your girlfriend want to keep the child and be the mother?

She needs to sort through the full range of emotions that she is experiencing. With a counselor, she may be able to separate the emotion and look at the logical side of being a parent or using adoption as an option.

If she decides to be a mother, then what options do you have?

Which option are willing to take, even if your top choice is no longer an option?

As a note, my own sons are doing great in life and I have been blessed to be a father for the past 16 years, and even more blessed to be a husband for 15.

Believe it or not, it is possible to live up to our responsibilities as men, husbands and fathers, even if certain things happen faster than we would have liked.

Best wishes to you!!!

Answer 3

Getting a girl pregnant can really mess up your life's plans, but you have to remember that there is a life that was created and you need to take some responsibility. She was probably crying because she wants to keep it or have your help and you are wanting to run away.

If you are wanting to join the Marines, I would say go for it. They pay for family expenses (like if you are seperated from your wife.), and it could help you get into college on the GI Bill. Which means making more money in the long-term.

Don't be mad at your girlfriend, it's your fault too. Just figure out where to go from here. She's probably very emotional and needs your support. Don't make her do something she doesn't want to do, or she will regret it and you in the long run.

Answer 4

Do the marines ban you from joining if you have a child?
I think you should quit freaking out, and try to deal with this like an adult. I don't think that you were wrong to suggest that she let the baby be adopted, but you seem really high strung, so maybe your approach was wrong.
You both seem to be pretty young. Pregnancy causes high emotions, so take that into consideration when you are talking to her.
You can't be mad at her because she won't do what you want her to. Most of the people in your life will not do what you want them to. Accept that you both made a mistake by getting pregnant in the first place, and then get over it, 'cause the baby is coming, and you need to do right by that child.
If you really feel strongly about adoption, you need to get your facts straight. Check out the phone book for adoption agencies, and make an appointment to go talk to someone down there. Then you can get all the ins and outs of adoption, and have a calm discussion with your girlfriend about what options you both have. Explain your logical reasons for why you think it would be best for someone to adopt your child rather than to have the two of you raise the baby. It's ultimately her decision, and you'll both have to live with whatever she decides. Not my rule, that's just the way it is.
Whatever happens, will happen. It usually works out. You just have to decide right now that your own childhood is over, and you need to make yourself do what is right, whether you like it or not.
I wish the three of you much luck.

Answer 5

You should really read what you wrote .. you sound very insensitive and immature ... about the whole situation ... !

You're girlfriend is going through the biggest change in her life ... having a child is something a guy will never understand ... you need to think about the choices you made too ... it wasn't just her that made this baby ... it was the both of you ...

And why would it matter if you went into the Marines or not with a child .. I was in the military and I knew a lot of single guys that took care of their kids ... !

You have no right to make her give the baby up for adoption ... if you don't want to be part of your child's life then so be it ... don't bother calling or writing while you're alone in boot camp thinking about the ones you left at home ... that loved you .. !

Answer 6

Well, its time for the two of you to do some serious growing up. It sounds to me like you've got a good head on your shoulders, if a little late (by at least 6 months). Since your GF won't bend on this issue, it would seem to me that you have 3 basic options:

1. Stay with her (as in marry her), and go into the Marines anyway. While military life isn't the best, it IS stable income and the military benefits will provide better for her and your baby than working at a gas station.

2. Break up with her, but remember that you are legally obligated to support that child.

3. Continue to urge adoption, but keep in mind that she may remain steadfast. If you opt to not join the Marines right now, you will need to find a job to support the baby some way.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

You had sex, and sometimes babies are the result. If you weren't ready to be a dad, then you should have kept your pants on. She's six months pregnant?!?! And you want her to give the baby up for adoption. You need to grow up. And if you think you can join the marines, but can't handle having a baby, then you have some issues you need to work out. You can still joing the marines, even if your girlfriend has a baby, then at least you would be able to support it. You should be supporting your pregnant girlfriend, she is carrying your child. Cut her some slack, she obviously loves you enough to have your baby. Maybe you should return the unselfishness and grow up, you're about to be a dad whether you like it or not.

Answer 8

Dude, think about your girlfriend and the baby. You want to go to the marines, it's cool, but you're thinking of yourself. She'll be here, you'll be over there. You'll miss your child's birth. 4 years away can change a lot in you and in her. You're basically abandoning them. Don't do what my cousin did. She joined the army left her daughter and only sees her like 4 times a year. I don't think she knows who her family is. She's with the guy's grandparents. The sad thing is that she doesn't call her mom anymore, she calls her first name.

Talk it over with her, and find what makes both of you happy. Don't think you're alone. Your family will help if they know you're scared to be a dad.

Answer 9

your selfish, be a man and support her in helping figure out what is the best thing for the both of you. It's not all up to you! You should have thought about what you wanted for your future before haveing sex and with a baby on the way.

Answer 10

ok hold on #1 you ****** her #2 you waited 6 months to tell her to give the baby up #3 nobody cares if your ready to be a father #4 did you ever ask her what she wants
YOUR CRAZY