My 5 yr old is trying my patience?

Question

My 5 yr old daughter is driving me nuts. She has become very rude and mouthy not only to me but to everyone! She refuses to do anything she is told, has started lying and sneaking things she has been told no on. Now when ever I displine her, her new thing is telling me she is going to run away to her grandma's house to live because I "hate" her. I have NEVER told her I hated her or done anything to make her think that other than to discipline her when she has been bad! What can I do!?!

Answer 1

This is a phase mostly all kids go through it, My daughter is 5 and doing the same thing(minus the hate you thing) but being an ex pre-k teacher it is VERY VERY NORMAL, Reassure her that you don't hate her you love her very much, but she still has to listen, because it is important to keep her safe, and healthy!

when I starte reading your question I thought Did I post this? cause it sounded JUST Like my daughter

Answer 2

The time has come for some time outs or major punishment. Every action has a reaction or CONSEQUENCE! TOUGH LOVE!

Lying gets...
Sneaking gets...

MOSTLY privileges get taken away. TV, Friends, Playing outdoors etc.

Enroll in classes at your Local Child & Family Services.

Make an appointment with your Local Juvenile Services for Counseling with a Psychologist.

Make an appointment with your Local Mental Health Clinic for an evaluation.

My 2 older kids - Daughter 14 & Son 11 does the very same thing. Except this past school year is was the son that was the MAJOR problem. He was defiant with school & at home. NOT listening to what he was told.

When dealing with Juvenile Services, there is a program that can place a child in custody for up to 14 days. I told him if that happened HE WOULD NOT BE COMING BACK HOME TO LIVE!!! IF HE WANTED TO GO LIVE WITH HIS GRANPARENTS, EITHER AUNT HE WOULD NOT BE COMING BACK HOME EITHER!

This type of TOUGH LOVE worked for him & his sister. It was an entire family - Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Grandparents, aunts and uncle MATTER!

DO NOT for one minute IGNORE this behavior. It can and will escalate!

When ever she starts the HATE thing, IMMEDIATELY remove her to a time out. Explain to her that she cannot say those things. Discipline immediately for this type of behavior.

Tell her ALWAYS you LOVE her even though she HATES you! KEEP saying it.

Answer 3

Your little one is looking for attention but her behaviour leads me to think that she's picking things up from other people. Does she go to play school? A lot of the time kids pick up behavioural patterns from other kids their age. Talk to her teacher and make sure her teacher/s are giving the kids enough supervision. If she's at home with you could she be jealous of another sibling? Children also pick up bad behaviour from what they watch on t.v. Try and spend more time with her doing healthy activities like playing games outside, drawing and reading together. It will come right, just give her a lot of love and patience and when she misbehaves explain why you're going to punish her before and after you do it. A great form of punishment is the 'time out' chair or step - make her sit there for five minutes with no toys or distration, if she leaves, keep taking her back.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

That child is pushing your buttons. Tell me -has she recently started school or pre-school? Because this is the same thing I noticed when my son went to school. He just got mouthier. I nipped it in the bud. All moments with her can not be this way, so I would suggest in a calm moment talk to your child about respect, how it feels to be disrespected. Give her an example of her behavior ask her to tell you how she would feel if this was you doing it to her. Remind her that you never have done it, ask her if you have. Tell her this WILL NOT be tolerated. It will not happen anymore. If it does there needs to ba a consequence. I suggest a time out spot...maybe the bottom step of a stairway,someplace away from people tv radio and traffic. She will have to sit 5 minutes, any longer and you loose the teachable moment...one minute for each year she is old. She first gets a warning though, you will tell her 'this behavior is unacceptable and if it does not stop she will sit.' These terms must be explained up front and you need to be consistent and you can not change the rules in the middle of the game. Then after 5 minutes you go to her tell her what she did wrong (eventually you could ask her to tell you why she was told to sit)and tell her to say sorry for her actions and then its done. She will need to apologize to those she wronged. Hug her and move on.
This will be tough at first, I did not believe it would work but it does. When I ask my boys if they need to sit the question usually sparks a instant change in behavior.
Also too, pick your battles. If you are arguing with her over, let's say, her choice of clothing . Just review if you want her to do it BECAUSE YOU SAY SO, or if it is not really that big of a deal. In situations like this you can save face by saying things like , " OK I see your point of view... go ahead and wear that striped top with those polka dotted shorts, but you will need to wear these shoes with it. Make a deal with her on some things. Don't worry about what others think.
Really.. most parents understand it when they see this sort of scene. Battle with her over life and death stuff, over character things like the lying.
The lying and sneaking needs to be addressed too. Me -I treated those as "biblical offences" and would spank my kids for those. Spanking is fine done with the right attitude. You will need to sort that out for yourself , and it may be that the time out spot may work for you there. At least to start any way. At a minumum though she can be taught that the consequence to such things is a loss of trust.
Some of these things are BIG- most adults we come across don't get the concept of actions having consequences.It is always blame someone else.
I thank you for wanting to make your daughter a good member of society. You asking this question shows you care and not alot of parents do.
Keep up the good work ... hope it helps and don't worry too much over the threats she makes ..she sees it hurts you and uses it. Really I view it as her attempt to rebel against your authority...that too shows you are making an impact on her, a good one!
ALSO* important* grandma needs to know these new rules and she will need to help you apply them It is possible to have grandma tell the child that if she "runs away" she can not come to grandmas... because that would not be right, running away is wrong.......just an idea anyway. United front!



Part of these ideas I got from the TV show "Super Nanny" if you can catch it. She does a wonderful job getting kids to respond. She also helps parents see where they might be going wrong.

Answer 5

It sounds like your daughter is very manipulative. I would recommend a book called "The Manipulative Child" by authors Swihart and Cotter. It details a lot of strategies for difficult children which gets you out of the manipulative cycle. As parents we are prone to use manipulation to get our children to do whatever we want...but it teaches our children the wrong way to get what they want. I also recommend you not escalate things when she gets mouthy...she is pushing you on purpose. Try to be detached and clinical when dealing with her in those situations. Never bargain, just give her reasonable consequences for undesirable behavior. Anyway, I think it was a helpful read for me, check it out if you can.

Answer 6

You need to stay strong and still discipline her in constructive ways. I'm assuming you don't hit your child, which is good. But she needs to know who is in control. Maybe instead of discipline you could try a reward system. At 5, she can handle some chores like cleaning her room, making her bed, etc. Set up a reward jar with marble or something simple and set a goal of how many marbles(points) she needs to get something she's been asking for. She gets marbles when she does a chore or listens to you at the groc store or something. If she misbehaves she loses them. It will take time but be patient and stick with it, she will get use to it and everyone will benefit.

Answer 7

I vote for huggy bunny for the best answer. Oh dear me how children fear the time out. Lordy it makes them learn so quickly. Not really, it doesn't do anything to these kids except let them either fester up anger, forget what they did, or gives them the time to use imagination. With the exception of the last one, who wants that? Let her run towards her grandma's house, she won'y get far, they never do. For some reason they realize how futile it is and give up. Wow, children sure are hell. Huzzah for all who don't deal with this stuff often enough to be driven insane.

Answer 8

Been there! I have 3 girls.My thoughts on this are that you need to take back control(easier said than done).You can't beat it out of them.I did spank my children,but this has went beyond spanking.Stick to what you tell her.If you say "do it again and your getting a spanking",do it.Time out on a couch corner no T.V.during this kind of punishment,works good too.You may have to stand there and make sure she doesn't move.If you give in once,she's got control again.I always hated having to follow a routine,but that may also help.No T.V. while they sleep either.The change in lighting disrupts sleep.Don't allow her to yell at you.YOU are the parent.The biggest thing,in my opinion,Is rewards.At this age,attention span is short,but if she does good for say for 15 mins. she gets a safety sucker (They do make them sugar free...lol.)If she does good longer,maybe some time at the park.(this also wears them out!!!).You can do this! Love her as much as you can,as aggravating as they can be at times,they are only little once.Feel free to contact me if you just need to talk or anything.GOOD LUCK!!!♥

Answer 9

you got to find out the source of why she is behaving like this...perhaps a tv show she saw and thinks she can do the same.. but when she starts try crying saying what you dont love mommy any more..if she refuses to do something take away tv time or a favorite play toy..i know its hard i got a 4 year old discuss the problem with gramma see if she wont help......good luck

Answer 10

she looks to be a very pampered child. first of all stop pampering . she should know NO means NO. If she refuse to do things u want to ... ground her .. this is the age to shape her caracter.talk to her teacher .. keep track of the children she plays with... first thing first .. talk to her and ask her what made her say that and who told her those words... and whenever she behaves rude .. let her know u are not there for her .... and she will be punished.