I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now... we get along great, and he says we are a good fit.However, when I mention living together (which would obviously involve eventual engagement, since I am 'the marrying kind of girl'), he dodges the subject or says I'm 'scaring' him' or making him nervous. When I ask if he is making plans for us, he says 'nothing is finalized yet'... however, we are both 34. I want marriage, babies, stability. I understand someone who has never even lived with a girl wanting to take their time, and 'be sure' they are with someone who isn't going to screw them over. however, don't you think at one year, a man should at the very least be able to tell you either YES, we are headed toward marriage; I just need a LITTLE more time to feel this out or NO, I can't see this evolving into marriage, though I am enjoying dating you (of course, he knows the second one would send me running!) Still, I know he is NOT using me for sex (believe me!!)...so what gives?
2006-08-01 07:38:35 · 21 answers · asked by Brandywine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
There is no MAX time limit and you probably are scaring him. Relax! Moving in together usually leads to marriage and maybe he's just not ready for that kind of commitment just yet.
My husband and I have been together for 14 years, have three children together and have been married for a little over one year. Everything works out just the way it's meant to be. Calm down and stop pushing. He'll come around when he's ready.
Good luck!
2006-08-01 07:47:24 · answer #1 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just doesn't want a committment, which is ridiculous since you are in a serious "committed" relationship together. My cousin went through this same thing, only she was 37 and never married. She ended up moving on to find someone that wanted the same things as her. She is now in her first marriage at 39, and due with her first child any day now!
You just have to figure out what is more important to you. If you can't wait for him and you are feeling your biological clock ticking away, then find someone who wants the same things as you do. You shouldn't settle for anything less. It is hard, but when you find the right person you will appreciate what you have together so much more! You can't give up until you life is just how you want it to be.
Have a serious chat with your boyfriend...tell him exactly how you feel, no holding back. If he gets scared, then let him run off. You can find someone who won't be scared to talk about all those things.
Good luck! Keep your head up.
2006-08-01 07:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by sour_apple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should just wait it out. Im young but have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years.all my fiends my age (18) are already engadge, have kids, etc.. although i dont want the kids i do want the mariage thing..not right now bt in a feqw years. i would suggests holding out. maybe hes not ready.. maybe it does scare him when yo look so far into the furture... its only been a year. Give the man a little time. If yhe loves you lkike he says it will happen. My friends parents were together 19 years, never got married.another friends mom has been with her boyfriend 15 years only has a promisary ring.. it will happen.. keep this sayin in mind :hope and faith come from love, with no hope there will be no love.
good luck.and just be patient
2006-08-06 11:46:11 · answer #3 · answered by ♥PrEcIoUs♥DaYdReAmEr♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's dropping the clues. Can you solve the riddle. Don't move in together right now, bad timing. When he's singing a positive tune, and more responsible and maturer, he'll let you know. Don't idly sit by and wait too long, if it's not within the time limit you want. You might have to find someone else who has the same ideals as you. Good Luck!
2006-08-08 13:27:13 · answer #4 · answered by ianthra2010 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it differs person to person... I was with someone for 4 years and we never wanted to get married... and then with my fiance we got engaged after 10 months, because we just knew!
Remember... don't let him have the milk without buying the cow... if you pretend like everthings cool, move in together or even live apart, but act like you are already married, there is really no incentive for him to get married. Talk honestly and when the time comes, make the right decision for you to walk away if he is not willing to give you that level of commitment.
2006-08-08 10:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by Sara K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The max time depends on the two of you, both collectively and individually. If you're 34 and perhaps are thinking that you'd like to get married and have kids and he's not ready, then you need another man, obviously, to achieve that objective. Only you can know where your relationship is going, and whether you're happy with the direction it's taking.
2006-08-01 08:13:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men suck. I think I'm headed down the same path as you, just about half way there. I've been seeing this guy for about six months but he says he's not sure when he'll be ready for a relationship but he wants to be with me. what is that all about? Guys just don't understand us females. We need stabilitIy and reasurance. They just live life as it goes. That's good, sometimes. I wish guys could just see where we come from, it might seem like we ask for much but in reality it's not that bad. In answer to your question, If he's really the one you love then there is no set time for a waiting period. You need to ask your heart how long it can handle waiting for a man who might never be ready.
2006-08-01 07:50:51 · answer #7 · answered by preciouz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i don't think there is a MAX time to wait to move in with a guy, the man I'm marrying in Nov.,I've been dating him for almost six years,and living with him for almost six years, we moved in with each other right after our first date, we just knew that we were meant to be together...and have been ever since... you'll know when the time is right to move in with each other... maybe he feels it isn't a good idea yet...you should sit down and tell him that you need to know before the relationship goes any further...tell him you cant wait any longer,tell him of your plans for a family and stability,you need to know in case he doesn't want the same things you do, that way if he doesn't you can stop wasting your time and find someone who does...that's all were here for is to love and reproduce i think anyway....
2006-08-09 00:15:35 · answer #8 · answered by pixie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're 34 years old and been together for a year, if you're not engaged or "don't know if you want marriage with him" it's time to move on, sweetie.
How long should you wait to move in together? When you get back from your honeymoon.
If you're having sex with him, trust me. He's using you for sex. (If you're not, good for you!)
If you don't believe me, try this experiment: Tell him you've decided that you're going to remain celebate until after your wedding. See how fast he runs.
2006-08-01 09:42:05 · answer #9 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not ready for commitment with you. He may not be ready for commitment at all. However, putting him in the position of living together and assuming that the two of you will get engaged, will only make him feel pressured. If he's ready to commit, he will ask you to spend the rest of his life with him. He may be "slower" to make this kind of decision, but he also may not have any plans to settle down with you. I only say this because a friend of mine WAS in the same situation with a man for 5 years. Same situation.
2006-08-01 14:48:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋