June I was granted a divorce. It was a 1 yr long ordeal... I have been seeing my boyfreind for 6months. Since I have been divorced, he wants me to now marry him. He has been very pushy. Gets all mad & pouts in a corner because I dont want to get married yet. I try to explain to him that I want tobe independent for a bit. We have been fighting for awhile now. I really do love him alot. But not enuff that I want to go against what I want & make just him happy. How do I handle the situation?
Note: I got married the 1st time when I was 16yrs old. I was forced to marry by my parents. I am 24 yrs old now. I have never been independent in my life. This is why I need ya'lls help!
2006-08-01 06:41:53 · 36 answers · asked by ® Juicy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you need to heal first , then start doing things you never had the chance to enjoy like working or studying (time for yourself so you can get to know yourself) if your boyfriend loves you he will support your decision and wait, if he doesn't he is not worth it.
2006-08-01 06:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by juan a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with ravenpower511 that you should dump him if he is annoying and get a restraining order. You do need a time to be independent and feel the wonderful feeling of knowing that you can take care of yourself and enjoy the freedom of being able to do or see who you want until the time you want to settle down with some one. You can still keep the love for your b/f in your heart but he isn't allowing you space at this time. Enjoy some freedom before you settle down.
I too went thru a 1 year long ordeal with my divorce. I wasn't ready to remarry until 2 years later after I had dated 5 men. I found a most loving, gentle man that was willing to take care of my aging mother as well as two of my grown sons. He was too good to pass up!
2006-08-01 06:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by Happy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who have never been married think that marriage is only about love.
Divorced people know that it's about signing your entire life over to another human. No decision is ever your own, it's yours and theirs. Everything you do or don't do affects the other.
Your need for independence is valid.
If annoying B/F loves you, he needs to understand that.
I think that he thinks that you don't love him as much as you say you do because you won't marry him. Assure him that that isn't the deal, explain the independence thing, and tell him you'll talk to him about it again in 6 months. If he doesn't back off, then dump him.
Absolutely, do not get married. You know it isn't what you want.
Good luck
2006-08-01 06:52:44 · answer #3 · answered by niffer's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
set some boundaries, have a talk w/ him and tell him exactly what u want. pushing u into a marriage is exactly what u DON'T want, and if he will not understand that, then it's "goodbye". and u can tell him that's his fault for not waiting til you were ready. 6 mo is NOT enough time to get over ur previous marriage, esp if u felt forced! that's horrible..and if he loved u he would try his hardest to understand that u need space and time. tell him ur flattered that he wants to marry you, and that you do love him..but it takes time to heal. and u can't heal by putting a bandaid of a new marriage onto it. communication is KEY in any relationship, esp in ur situation. u may love him, but u need to find the right person who loves u enough to make u feel safe, secure, stable, healthy and happy. if he focused on those things, i'm sure u WILL want to marry him. perhaps he hasn't done all that for u yet!!! doesn't mean u don't love each other, it just means ur not ready. if he can't understand, tell him something that he will understand, which is that It's Over.
2006-08-01 06:48:20 · answer #4 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have explain too him why you don't want too get married right now & he can not understand then YOU need to figure out if he is worth your time. I understand your need and want to be independent and on your own , just enjoy life and dont make any compromises either if he is being like this now only 6 months into your relationship how do you think things are going too be if you continue seeing him.. really think about staying in this relationship good luck...
2006-08-01 06:56:08 · answer #5 · answered by tinker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is explain your feelings to him, and if he doesn't accept that, then you make him a selfish and annoying EX boyfriend. You'd be surprised at how independent you can become when you have to. It's much better and easier to do it now, than to waste your life in a bad relationship. You're still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't settle for the sake of security, you'll regret it later.
2006-08-01 06:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by sherrie_66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you are in an irony of your life.....
you love him and at the same time he annoys you and is being pushy,i guess just take some time out of this and see how you feel?discuss this issue with him and let him know that you need sometime to get over all that you went thru....yes its important to think about your happiness 1st but at the same time you cant keep hurting and pushing people so chat with him on this and be away and see how things go,do you miss him and want to be with him,pls be sure and get into any kinda commitment!!
2006-08-01 06:49:08 · answer #7 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have a sense of self, you shouldn't get married.
Indeed, you should consider dropping your boy friend for awhile
or at least dating some other people.
There are other fish in the sea and right now, you don't
know what a boat is. Go get some you-time before you
get back into the "we" time.
Good luck!
2006-08-01 06:46:45 · answer #8 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear I agree with you! You DO need to be on your own for a while before committing again. I believe in we all need to know how to be on our own makes us stronger... If you do not want to get married don't !!!If he doesn't understand and he wants to pout and act like a baby at least you see his true colors before you said I DO so, I say he has some more growing up to do before you marry him to begin with...Good Luck!!!
2006-08-01 06:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by JACKIE M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if hes worth it then get married but if you want to be indepent nand take a step back then tell him agian if he doesn't except it then hes not worth it there are other people that will be willing to do anything for you.
dont be those girl that will do anything to see there guy smile.
dont be those girls that will give up everything for someone that isn't worth it
you will make the right decison and i know it
you are smart so willl choose the right thing
if he loves you back then he will understand but if he doesnt then forgte him
2006-08-01 06:51:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋