When to Alert Social Services?

Question

Ok, let me tell a bit of the background: My sister-in-law has 2 kids (ages 6 & 1) and she doesn't work because she "doesn't like to". She's been on welfare ever since her first was born and hasn't stayed in once place very long. She's moved in with several men after only knowing them for a short time, dragging the kids with her and teaching the oldest one to call each of them daddy. She hollers, screams, and will pawn the kids off on anyone willing to watch them at the moment...

Now, I know she's not the greatest mom, but what REALLY concerns me is that she has once again moved. This time she is in a run down trailer (her dad's house) where the roof leaks and there a TON of roaches. There are 8 people living in the 2 bedroom trailer. The place is beyond dirty with holes in the walls and floors and the kids are forced to sleep either on the floor, couch, or share a bed with their mom.

So, my question, how bad does it have to be before you would get social services involved?

I have felt like most of you for some time now...the only thing stopping me is the reprecussions it my have on my marriage (calling CPS on your husband's family isn't ideal). As far as I know, I'm the only one with the guts to call CPS, so I'm sure they would figure out it was me...

Answer 1

If you call CPS, they don't have to release any information on you. Just tell them you are a concered family member and are worried about the children.

Answer 2

Honestly, I pity the kids who are under her care. Living in such dire conditions, are not only unhealthy for the kids, but 'knowing' that these poor kids have to live in such a small space and do not have a proper 'home', (and, living with several other people- are they family members, too?) are subjecting them to abuse.

From what you've narrated, I can say that the kids may already be suffering emotionally and physically as well. Your sister-in-law doesn't know how to care for her kids. Although this may be argumentative, your sister-in-law is unstable herself. I just do hope that the assistance she gets goes straight to the kids but I doubt if this ever happens. Basing from what you've describe, there is no effort there to give her kids a decent home at least and a bed where they can sleep comfortable at night. iIthink the situation is much more than what you've described.

I know that you are concerned for your nephews/nieces and it is only 'right' for you to report the happenings especially if something wrong is really happening and that not even you can stop her from her neglecting her own kids. I know that it's also hard on your part but let me ask you a question- "Would you wait till something REALLY TERRIBLE happens?" "What would be better- to help the kids at this point and bear the anger of your sister-in-law OR wait till next time, but there could be no next time? Or maybe, it's too late already 'cause the kids are really badly hurt and beyond repair?"

I do hope that something can be done now. The kids need a decent home and a loving family to care for them. It's such a pity that with all the physical conditions you've narrated and the kind of family set-up that they are in, the kids are likely to be abused- emotionally, physically and mentally as well. Please, do something NOW.

Answer 3

I CAN SAY THAT AS A FOSTER CHILD AND A MOTHER YOU SHOULD MIND YOU OWN BUSINESS AND STAY OUT OF IT the only reason you should call cps is if the children are being abused and this doesn't mean a place that doesn't match up to your standards i was in foster care for ten years stayed in four group homes and twenty two foster houses and never was adopted i wish i had stayed with my mother which has a mental illness and abused me because i would have had a much better life with her then being moved around all the time and never felt stable or wanted all I'm saying is if she loves her children and you can see this then leave things alone or maybe offer her to help watch the kids be supportive i don't think you'd like it if the children ended up in foster care for years

Answer 4

Well, Social services doesn't pay much attention to this type of cases unless the children has bruises or her mother spank them so hard they can't even move. But there is an alternative because if the children have suffered emotional aggression then you would have a point by your side. If you contact social services they will remove the children from their recent home and take them to a substitute home. The children may have interviews with a psychologist and then he or she will determine if the children will be removed permanent from the house. then Social Services will seek for a family to take good care for the children. But the case to proof the emotional impact in a child is difficult. Consult a lawyer. But it can be done. I had a personal experience with a case like that. good luck.

Answer 5

This is NOT an acceptible situation for those kids. She needs to have them taken from her. Who cares if it causes a rift in the family as long as those kids are safe. Living in a place with a leaking roof can cause all kinds of medical problems. Call CPS and do those kids a favor.

Answer 6

If you remain anonomous no one can positively say it was you. I havent worked since my sons dx of autism (no day care will take special kids around here except one which has a LONG waiting list) BUT there are ways to provide for your kids. We are on public houseing living in a 2 bedroom 2 story townhouse in a nicer neighborhood. My son recieves SSI and child support so we make it. Maybe the boys dont have all the latest toys or all namebrand clothes but they have a clean home, plenty to eat, room to play a yard and a loving mommy. Welfare is put in place for people who NEED it, like me, until we can get on our feet. Which we will when a spot opens for my son. In her case though its outright wrong. If she had those children she should be a good enough parent to stand up and take care of them. Those living conditions are not fit for a child. Nor is bouncing from house to house children need stability. If you dont take the first step and call just think of what could happen emotionally and psychologically to those kids as they get older? CALL CALL CALL!!!!

Answer 7

Most states now allow you to report abuse without giving any details about who you are. I know in Nebraska is is illegal for us to tell those we are investigating who reported it. That information can only be given out by court order. I have never seen a court order that information.
We no longer do the classic "dirty house" but what we do intervene with are when the home is below minimum standards. That means the children's safety is at risk from the home. I have never seen the home you are talking about but from my experience in investigation I would assume there would be some grounds to intervene for. These types of cases normally fall under neglect because the basic needs of the children are not being met. ie the home is unsanitary and unsafe.
Also she could need some help with discipline techniques and if she is dragging the kids from home to home it maybe improper supervision at the least for the exposure they are having. I would definately call it in and let one of use who are trained to investigate in your state decide what action we need to take. Everyone should put the needs of the children in their area first and report suspected abuse and neglect.

Answer 8

I understand completely where your concern is coming from. I do understand that it may be difficult for your sister-in-law to work due to her young children. What concerns me is the lack of stability she is exposing these kids to, particularly the lack of housing and teaching her kids to call men "Daddy' who are not their father. Perhaps you can see if you or someone else can see if you can offer any kind of help? Where is the children's father? If things don't change for the better, I wouldn't feel bad about calling Social Services because they won't take the children away - they wil probably just give her a good reason to start taking better care of her children.

Answer 9

I would say where she is living now is a health risk and there are too many people in the trailor, so call Social Services.

Tell them the situation, they will tell you if that is good or not. Take pictures of where she is, how many people are there, where the kids are sleeping, the walls leaking and the cockroaches.

If you must send the information in anonymously.

Answer 10

I don't see a reason why you should not alert Social Services now. Tell them everything that you have told us and they will take it from there. One of two things will happen...their investigation will turn up nothing then no harm no foul or they will end up taking the children. You can remain anonymous and she will never know you are the one who called them unless you tell. I think that is a horrible environment for children to be raised in so if it was my nieces or nephews I would call NOW!

Answer 11

Yes. Immediately. If she moves in with several men and make her children call them daddy! And living in that trailer! I am eighteen and have a six-year-old daughter. I know it's hard to believe and I know I made a mistake, but we live in an apartment and it's decent. If she doesn't work because she doesn't feel like it, she isn't cut out for a mother. You need to call social services and do something.