Ok everyone is so full of advice, tell my why my life is so great please?

Question

I have no friends, and have lost my relationship with my family and that isn't going to change, lost my lover, meet one loser after the other and I am over 40 so I don't have my whole life to find mr right, I have a low paying job that gives me a different schedule each week so it is difficult to take on a second job and I have no transportation so I am limited to working near home (buses are unrealiable and I have to take a taxi after dark (expensive just to go down the street) as I live in a bad neighborhood and have been robbed at gunpoint), I am one of the only white people in my apartments so I am made fun of daily and harrased by men standing around the parking lot all the time, I have no money for any hobbies or activities, have plenty of aquaintences but no real friends. So why does everyone thinkl that calling some silly counseling service is going to solve everything?

as far as getting professional help, that costs money and as far as free help, youusuallly have to submit proof of your situration and records and stuff which I lost all my records, birth certificate, etc when I had to leave my home suddenly. Don't have any way to get them replaced .

I used to go to church and didn't find the people there any different. I would be walking along the road in the hot sun and they would drive by me. The next week they would say, I saw you walking, didn't you get hot?

I moved and started a new life last year and got a new job, etc, and I don't see that it helped. I broke off with my family because they wanted to tell me what to do every moment of the day. They even interfered in my personal life

Answer 1

Who says your life is great? sounds like it sucks to me....

Answer 2

You can always get replacement documentation. Yep, you're life sucks at the moment. But, was it always that way? Let's take it one step at a time, shall we.

1 - lost relationships: who's fault? And why is it not going to change? You're stubborn, maybe. Then change.
2 - lost lover: same as above.
3 - over 40: so what? Once you're born you will age until you die.
4 - low paying job: change it, you control that as with 1 and 2.
5 - living accomodations: again your choice, see 4 above.
and all the rest: same problem - your choices. Don't you see a pattern here? Seems to me it's all your choices that you have made for yourself. If you don't like it, change your attitude and your choices. I've been there 20 years ago. But I realized that it was me that needed changing and I did. So, now you know, what are you going to do about it?

Answer 3

Life is often what we make of it. It doesn't sound like your circumstances are easy, but it's up to you if you want things to be different. I am guessing people are recommending therapy since
having someone to talk to really can help you make changes for the better and feel less alone in the world.

It sounds like you could benefit from trying to connect with people on a deeper level, as you have many acquaintances, but could use some true friends. Are there any acquaintances that you'd like to be closer with? Could you invite someone over to hang out or go for a walk?

What things are you interested in?

Could you find a social group that doesn't cost anything to be involved in? A book group, religious group, a group who plays cards or games - whatever you might be interested in? Due to your changing schedule, you might not be able to make it every week.- but it still is good to have some activities going on.

Meeting people through friends often really works too.

It sounds like you might also consider a job change since you're not happy with your wage or hours. Monster.com has lots of great advice and a resume builder. Maybe look and see if there are other opportunities in your area that you might be qualified for. Changing jobs might allow you to move to a safer neighborhood and a stable schedule might really improve your social life.

Answer 4

Suck it up and be a big girl, start over. Move your butt away and get a good job somewhere else and concentrate on what IS positive in your life like your health. Hobbies often do not take money so look for those. Check into government grants and loans and go back to school. Just save enough to have money to eat and find a job for two weeks or so and up and leave. Leave all that **** behind and move to a big city or just outside of one. That's what I'd do. Good luck and I hope it gets better for you, I really do. My life has been no bowl of cherries either.

Answer 5

Counselling doesn't solve everything, but it can help you learn about why you do what you do.

I've read all your posts.There are a lot of reasons your life is the way it is. I don't know all of them but I can tell that one mistake you made was not to get a good education . Now you're 40 and you have no usefull skills. So you can't get a good-paying job.

Then you made your next mistake by marrying the wrong kind of jguy, one who dumped you and left you with a child. I still don't understand why you won't make him pay child support.

The next mistake was to take up with a married guy, which resulted in your parents kicking you out of the house, I think, and also resulting in a separation from your child. Then you ran up huge credit card debts.

So part of the reason you're in the state you are is the result of your own bad choices. And you're looking for a guy who can save you from all your past mistakes by marrying you and allowing you to stay home and not have to work.

You really need to look for a better job, for starters; one that will pay you more of a living wage, but you'll say you can't do that. And you need to try to build some skills and get more education but I know you'll say you can't do that, either. You'll find excuses. And instead of looking to yourself to save what's left of your life--you still have 25 years of work ahead of you, that's enough time to make a career and build a nest egg for retirement--you'll look for a miracle, a Prince Charming, to wake you up with a kiss and carry you off to happiness.

You ask a lot of questions, and you've gotten some good advice here, but you won't take any of it.

I really would like to see you succeed and be happy, but I'm afraid that you'll keep looking for a miracle and the easy way out. And I don't think miracles happen.

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear about your situation. There are a lot of people in the same position that you are in. You have to keep you head held high and decided is this how you want to live your life. First you need to suck it up and try to mend you relationship with your family. Next get involved with a church, they maybe able to help you find transportation and better housing, if you are geniune about the situation. It never hurt anyone to ask for help.

Calling a counseling service is not the answer, but they maybe able to put you in touch with groups that can help you. Just be open minded, and don't shut open people that are willing to help you.

Answer 7

You're not going to find the answers you need here. You're sending out a cry for help (although you won't admit it) but you are rejecting everyone that reaches out to you simply because you are afraid (although hoping) that they will help you out of your situation. What I would do, honestly, if I were you, would be to take my next paycheck and just leave. If everything's that bad there, there's nothing to keep you. Get a bus ticket and see where you can get to. Go online and find places with a cheap cost of living. You're never too old to start over and it sounds like anywhere's better than where you're at. I've been in your spot before. You can make it better.

Answer 8

well you sound like you are in a mess... i think life is rough i know...i find it hard to make ends meet to..but you got to be thankful you have a job....that is one thing that is good..and you have a roof over your head...that is another good thing even though you do not like where you live...i would not either if it is like you say...and being robbed at gunpoint would scare the heck out of me...being harrased by men is not so good either..spray mace in their face...but then i would be afraid they would come back after me....well try to save money a little at a time and get out of that place for sure...i am sorry about the family , but i know what you mean....looks like family could help sometime...and real friends are hard to find these days anyway.. they all think about their self anymore...i am sorry for your situation.. i really am but right now i do not know what to say except save money and try to move out of that area...easier said than done i know...i have the same problem.....i do not think counseling is going to help these problems at all..might give you something for stress which is going to cost to buy it too...so i just hope and pray things get better for you...and i will have you in my thoughts and prayers...take care and i wish there was some simple solution but we need a money tree and there is no such thing as that...

Answer 9

Life is pretty crazy sometimes, isn't it? I am so sorry you've lost contact with your family and those you've loved.

I know it is hard to see anything to be hopeful about, but please look up for a moment. Happiness is not just up to our circumstances, but also how we choose to look at the world around us. Sure, you may think that is easy for me to say, but you don't know my life story either.

Some lottery winners and celebrities who act as though they have everything going for them get depressed and suicidal. On the flip side, I've met people who seem to have lost everything--family, job, health, use of their limbs and eyesight--who are joyful and happy to be alive.

I don't think counseling would solve everything. What I would recommend, if you would like any advice, is to go volunteer at a church food bank or something. Just find a place where you can be fulfilled by helping others. I know your life isn't easy, but for one thing, you'll find people who are in even more difficult circumstances than yourself. Also, you will get a chance to find something to be passionate about that makes you want to get up in the morning. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

ya ur situation seems troubled, but u know nobody is ever happy some or the other things keep buging them or they try to find things or reason to be sad. its in u and only u who can change ur life, whatever happened with u or is happening is probably ur"karma" but dont worry u can work it out,
even though u have a tight shedule try to keep looking for a new job, try to search for a new place and try to make more friends (see u cant never find a good frnd, u urself is ur best frnd), n relationship-- c when u will have a deserving job a nice neighbourhood , frnds -- then u will urself start to enjoy ur life and then automatically u will meet mr right. dont worry , be always positive this is the best way to enjoy life. take kare

Answer 11

{{{hugs}}} I think you may need one or two.

I have been down some hard roads myself. My only real advice is to...Try to be more positive...if you really want to change your life, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE!!! Do what you have to do to get out of your situation...like getting a new job, moving into a new place...working on getting transportation.

One major point I'd like to say to you is don't rely on anybody but yourself...for a better life...as far as I know...people don't just walk up to you and give you a better job/apt./car/life. I've never counted on anybody for anything, for one because I didn't have a choice...but being self-reliant is a very wonderful thing. If your life sucks it's your fault if it is great it's your fault. :)

I think you need to suck it up and get out and do something about all that is pissing you off. You get one chance at life only one. Don't waste it.

Try to take care and hopefully you will do what you need to do!

:)