I'm a water polo player (and a girl) who has been practicing with a boys team. I've made friends with all the guys and we joke around all the time, and i can give and take all that they say. But, even being so, when we get in the pool, they treat me like one of the guys, except for one player, who I almost always have to guard because h plays the same position as i do.
Hes one of the few people I actually dont really talk to on the team anymore...ill explain why, and he goes to my school's rival all boys school, but theres a lot of tension in the pool when we match up.
i hung out with him once, and he tried to hook up with me in his car, and i declined. I guess that was mistake number one.
But in the pool, ever since that happened, hes really violent an sexually agressive with me. Ive ripped more thanone swimsuit trying to guard him, and he puts in hands in places they shouldnt be. Is he just playing hard defense, or is he deliberately tryign to hurt me. What do I do?
2006-08-01 05:18:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
By the way, this isnt a school team I play with, it's a club summer team.
2006-08-04 05:04:43 · update #1
Here's the bottomline:
Regardless of whether he intends to be sexually harassing you or not, you ARE being sexually harassed and you don't feel safe.
Talk to your coach or the refs about his behaviour. It is 100% unacceptable and you shouldn't have to endure it in order to play the sport that you love.
Maybe this guy has issues with having to play water polo with a girl... maybe he's still ticked at being turned down (PS- it obviously was NOT a mistake to turn this jerk down). Whatever is going on, he needs to be called on his very unsportsmanlike behaviour.
Good luck :)
2006-08-01 05:34:20 · answer #1 · answered by Gryphon 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You indicated that the rest of the guys treat you as if you are part of the team. Well accept that at its value. You are now one of the guys. In regards to this other guy who attends your rival school, perhaps he still likes you. The rough play in the pool while you at practice is frustrations surfacing along with the tough sport of water polo. Get tough, handle yours, and look him back into his eyes and say: "Bring it on"! You guard yourself and play at your best. However; if you really like this guy, just admit it.
2006-08-01 05:48:37 · answer #2 · answered by Swordfish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is harassment. He is trying to intimidate you in the pool to compensate for the earlier rejection. It's not just playing hard when the grabs you inappropriately. He doesn't grab guys by the nuts does he? Make sure the coaches of both teams know what is going on. Let them know if the crap doesn't stop you will be contacting the authorities. DON"T LET THEM BLOW IT OFF AS JUST GUYS BEING GUYS.
2006-08-01 05:30:29 · answer #3 · answered by Larry T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is making his point - because you declined him. really. A couple of suggestions:
Being as all the other guys on your team likes you and watch out for you, you can make a loud statement when he rips your swimsuit or do things you don't like. Hoping that the other guys on your team stands up for you. Maybe they have noticed his behaviour too and they dont say anything cause they think you are ok with it?
Or you can talk to one guy on your team, whom you can trust, and ask him for advice - ask him to watch out for you - say that you think this guy is after you and that you feel this guy is too close when you play. If he please can try to notice it and say what he thinks. Say you feel uncomfortable and dont know how to handle it. You don't have to mention the car-incident.
Good luck
2006-08-01 05:30:03 · answer #4 · answered by Tones 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by not hooking up with him. He is a creep. never think you made a mistake! You need to go to a school official and tell them whjat has been going on. If they refuse to do anything about it, tell them you will be going to the police and making a report and getting a lawyer. That should spring whoever is in charge into action. If it doesn't, then you need to make a police report and get a lawyer who specializes in sexual harrassment. Go to the State Bar website for your state and get a lawyer who specializes in this field.
2006-08-03 18:16:10 · answer #5 · answered by Samba Queen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is probably a combo of playing hard and being a little cranky about being rejected. I would suggest talking to him about it first, perhaps asking him if he could tone it down a bit in practice as you've already torn swimsuits. If that doesn't work, I would talk to the coach about his aggressiveness and make sure that the coach puts an end to it.
2006-08-01 05:24:37 · answer #6 · answered by Goose&Tonic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is deliberately trying to hurt you, to make himself feel powerful after the rejection in the car, to satisfy his sexual cravings, he is no friend to you and if it continues I would either 1. kick him in the nuts, 2. tell one of the refs, or 3. change positions.
Also, if the other guys on the team respect you, tell some of them about it and maybe they can put some pressure on him to grow up.
2006-08-01 05:28:52 · answer #7 · answered by Dr. Noodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's deliberately harrassing you because you turned him down. If no one else plays that way towards you then he is obviously being overly aggressive. He is publically trying to humiliate you and make you feel like less of a person infront of other guys who don't treat you that way. I'd report him. Have the other guys noticed? Maybe you could have them talk to him about his treatment of you. If that doesn't work....report him. His putting his hands in places they obviously don't belong is sexual assault. You don't have to put up with it.
2006-08-01 05:26:47 · answer #8 · answered by PaganPoetess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like it could be harassment. Next time he starts getting a little rough and grabby, "accidentally" hit him in the balls as you guard him and that will put a stop to him real quick.
2006-08-01 05:27:02 · answer #9 · answered by koresh419 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say nice and loud watch where your putting those hands buddy
2006-08-01 05:42:40 · answer #10 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋