Am I supposed to invite gals I invite to my bachelorette party also to my bridal shower?

Question

Am I supposed to invite gals I invite to my bachelorette party also to my bridal shower?Or make it 2 different lists? My concern is I don't want anyone feeling like they have to get 2 different gifts. One of my friends is telling me anyone you invite to your bachelorette party should also have been invited to a shower previously. But that just feels wrong for them to feel they have to get 2 gifts. I guess I'm just wanting to be sensitive to their finances.

Okay, neither responses so far have answered my questions. I'm not asking how many showers to have. I'm asking if the guest list should be different for each shower or should the girls invited to the bachelorette party also be invited to a bridal shower?

Thanks for all your suggestions. I've decided to invite the bachelorette girls to the shower too. Some great advice!

Mitch, you mentioned sending where you're registered in the wedding invites. I hope you meant the shower invites, as putting where you're registered in the wedding invitations is an etiquette no-no. Not sure if you knew or if you meant the shower.

Answer 1

Most rules of etiquette suggest that the number of showers be limited to two. This avoids overloading the potential gift-givers with obligations that become just too expensive. A new custom of making a huge shower and inviting all or most of the wedding guests is in really poor taste. Members of both families (including the moms on both sides) may attend, as well as the attendants, including junior bridesmaids and the closest friends. The number of showers and the size of the showers should be limited to spare the bride's friends' pocketbooks. A shower is supposed to be an intimate affair for close friends and family. Anything else really does ruin the charm.

Answer 2

Well, technically, the bachelorete party is given by the bridemads, and the shower by anyone who is non-family, so they are sending the invitations, and can invite anyone they want. Usually, they ask the bride for a guest list, but they do not have to, and are not bound by the bride's list. And yes, it might be rude to leave wedding party off the list, unless it is an office party, when only office people would be invited.
But yes, the gals are often invited to more than one shower or party.
If you feel guilty about asking for presents twice, make the bachelorette "no gifts, please". Most people figure what there budget is, and divide it up between shower and wedding presents.
I have a question for you. When did the bachelorette party become a "gift expected event"? In our community, it is for the bridesmaids and close friends of the bride to go have one last howl before getting married. People generally pay their own way to attend[ the host not being expected to provide the money to put in the stripper's g-string, LOL]. Usually, a bridesmaid organizes the event, and make sure everyone knew where to meet, and at what time, and the details of the event. But if that is different where you are at, fine.
And, since everyone else has mentioned it, about the more than one shower thing, often more than one group of friends want to give a shower, and yes, some people will get invited to more than one. Miss Manners, the columnist, says to do what I just suggested. You decide what you can spend divide it by the number of showers, and go from there. A savy bride would make note, and say publicly, oh, Mary! you didn't have to buy me two gifts! Bet Mary will be at the house warming and the birth of the first 2 or 3 kids, present in hand, to be so acknowledged.
Hope this helps. And please, thank everybody with a mailed note!
Don't have to spend a fortune, just buy some plain thank you notes, and write something heart-felt in them. People are usually really touched that you have done so. OK, riversconfluence has left the soapbox.

Answer 3

To make this a painless experience for all, have the bachelorette party for fun. Explain on the invites that you do not want gifts at this party, just a good time for all.

Then, when you send out the wedding invites, include the store(s) listing items the two of you will be needing after you wed. It's clear. No misunderstandings or hard feelings. No extra burdens. Remember, you want these women to remain friends of yours, when it comes time to throw the baby showers.

Answer 4

Ok, maybe this can help. All the girls in your bridal party and your closest friends should go to your bachelorette party. You don't want anyone there who'll look at you sideways at the end of the night. The shower should include ALL the females YOU have invited to the wedding...girls from your bridal party and all. To tell you the truth, someone from your bridal party should be the one planning the party, and usually your maid/matron of honor plans your shower for you. (Hmmmm) That's usually how it goes with all the weddings, showers and parties I've been to. Oh yeah, Congrats and be good. ; )

Answer 5

The answer is NO. THis is the idea... Everyone that you invite to the WEDDING must be invited to the SHOWER!, however who ever you want to have at your bachelorette really depends on what tyep of bachelorette you are having.... are you going clubbing and hiring male dancers? are you having a wild girls night/sleep over with hunky men movies and lots of boxed wine? You dont really want to invite aunt mary to the wild girls night.... but she should be invited to the shower!... so to summarize, All the ladies that are invited to the WEDDING, get a SHOWER invite. Invite the FUN girls to the BACHELORETTE!!!!!

ps.. dont worry about gifts, most poeple dont really bring a "GIFT" to a bachelorette.. all the girls that do your bachelorette should get all your drinks and meal if you have one.. thats about it.
Besides these are adults , they know what they can afford to do...

Answer 6

Shower is for gifts;bachelorette party is for fun (NO gifts!).
Showers are given by the bridesmaids, good friends, sometimes relatives like cousins or aunts.
Glad to hear you are sensitive to finances..I know I would appreciate it as the last two weddings I have been party of have cost me a bundle (and both divorced within two years!).

Answer 7

I've never heard of a rule for this, but I'd go with your gut instinct, and invite whoever you want to either or both.

That's because personally, I would take different KINDS of gifts to each one - like something useful at the shower (hand blender, coffee press, etc.), but something funny/outrageous to the bachelorette party, like really funny lingerie, or a kinky sex toy.

And then there's always the wedding present, too. Any way you look at it, when someone gets married, they get lots of presents to get them started, so just have fun and don't sweat it.

And hey - congrats!!! Many blessings, and many happy years together!!!

Answer 8

I'm kind of thinking it would be ok to have poeple at your bachlorette party but not at your shower or even the wedding. Like maybe you have some friends at work you could see at your bachelorette party but not necessarily the wedding or shower.

But, maybe can you say "no gifts" for your bachlorette party guests.

Answer 9

The ones that you would even think about inviting to both are probably your best gal friends...am I right? Well, these certain few would probably either a) be willing to buy the two gifts or b) split the money they could/want to allot for your gift between the two gifts so they wouldn't have to spend as much. If you really want them to be with you at both (and I totally understand, in-laws can be harsh!) invite them. Tell them that you really want them to be at both and that you dare them to get you multiple gifts cause you would be mad at them forever, hehehe. I hope that your parties are a blast!

Answer 10

I think your bachelorette party should be your bridal party and all your close friends.

The bridal shower(s) guest list should be decided on by the hostess(es) with help from your family / friends (not you)... in my opinion. Some girls have more than one shower, one thrown by work, one by friends, one by her family, one by his family... etc...