I am 21 now and was born and bred in the uk although my origin is pakistani. I have one younger brother and 2 younger sisters. My mother brought us up on her own and we lived in a council house and she even bought that. Thing is my dad remarried from pakistan and has a 7 year old son and 2 year old daughter from that marriage. He wants to bring them over to the uk now... life is so unfair because mum worked so hard but his new kids get everything in a plate. He has a house in uk and on rent and will bring his new mrs and kids to live in there. Im so jealous i just can`t help it. Im even crying now why is life so unfair.
2006-08-01 01:32:04 · 43 answers · asked by maryam h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Stop that crying stuff...
When he comes back to UK, you can start question him.
Ask him, "What makes you come to UK and see us?"
"What made you decide to leave me and mom?"
If he can answer these two questions with reasonable answers, you can try to accept them.
But if he couldn't, just tell him to get back to where he came from!
Hope this one helps you
2006-08-01 01:35:59 · answer #1 · answered by Unsent soul 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everything is not always what it seems. Life has a way of repeating itself. Just because your dad has 2 kids and is re-married does not mean happiness for him. Maybe he has learned by now, its all what you put into a marriage that makes it work. He is probably as unhappy now as he was when you were 7.
Its time for you to make yourself happy. Your mother is so proud of you and she deserves to be. Do whatever pleases you. If you dont want to deal with him, let him go on and some day you will have your own children and your mother and your brothers and you can share them and have your own happy family together. Nothing would make your mom prouder. You need to understand your mother loves you unconditionally. Your dad lost out and he is the one paying for it now. You will never see it, but he is.
Your normal to feel the way you do about your dad. Pick yourself up out of your crying snap and be happy kiddo. You are worthy of happiness.
I am divorced and been thru this.
2006-08-01 01:44:14 · answer #2 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're crying that life got so unfair with you, your brothers and sisters, but especially your mother, yes? So, you are being jealous that those children, will have a mother and a father as they grow up, as you didnt. And even if you know that you have a father now, you think you havent bonded at all and you feel him to be nothing more than a stranger, with the only difference that you know that typically he is your father. I think you shouldn't cry over pas memories and get on with your life. Come on it's been 12 years since that happened and you have grown up since then and i am sure you have accompliced something in your life. So, get over those memories and bad feelings and focus on the positive side of your life, which if you examine carefully, it's much better than this incident.
I wish you good luck with your life, truthfully.
2006-08-01 01:43:37 · answer #3 · answered by therifleman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life isn't fair. All you can do is show your dad what he missed out on by never giving him credit for the productive, functioning, wonderful person you have become. I am a firm believer that all things equal out in the end. One day your dad will realize what he gave up and at that point it will be your choice to shun him or allow him into your life.
That said, just remember life is short and often your anger is not worthy of the energy you give it. I am not saying forget what your father did, but stop to think "is he worth this?" Most of the time you will find the answer is no he isn't. You have a wonderful and full life ahead of him, live it the best you can and be happy.
2006-08-01 01:37:51 · answer #4 · answered by Erin S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maryam, you have endured struggle and hardship - but you have learned precious things from your mother. She showed you how to be determined, faithful and successful. She showed you love and care. She raised you in a wonderful country. You are fortunate, in a sense, that you have had your mother and a place like the UK to grow up, away from the turmoil, social conflict and hardships that afflict poor Pakistan now and in the past decades. You may or may not have been raised according to strictly traditional Pakistani cultural norms - but you can't but help to have also absorbed something from the other culture of the UK. This is progressive - it gives you a much more comprehensive understanding of the world and different peoples.
A young woman your age really needs a positive male figure in her life, to help her understand and value herself (I'm a father of two daughters close to your age - they taught me this). Your birth father is not someone on whom you can rely for this, but I hope you have other friends, mentors, teachers - mature, good men who help supply the reinfircement and offer a caring ear.
Life is indeed unfair. You must take the vital lessons your mother taught you, dry your tears, and take avantage of the opportunities that your life HAS given you. As I am certain you well know, many, many young women raised in Pakistan would give up their right arms to be in your place.
Good luck!
2006-08-01 01:44:36 · answer #5 · answered by Der Lange 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to feel jeaulous sweetie, even though it's tough sometimes not to. But maybe they should be the ones jeaulous of you, you probably have a lot of respect for your mom, and she must love you an awful lot. You'll know the meaning of hard work and earning what you get in life. Kids who are handed things on a plate don't grow up being better off as who they are as people, I'm not saying they're bad people or anything, but that's how I think.
2006-08-01 01:39:19 · answer #6 · answered by violindiva72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to be envious and please don't cry over it. If his life is so great why is he moveing? Maybe you are just seeing whats on the outside and not knowing whats on the inside, If you were happy as a child and happy before this, then I think you should focus on that. Remember that his kids will grow up takeing much for granted whereas you have learned the value of things, I think you are much blessed over them.
I live in the usa and I see this all over, no respect for things or people and everything taken for granted. Not by all, but by most.
2006-08-01 01:44:16 · answer #7 · answered by kerryjonjon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is a tough emotion to control - it eats at you and makes you miserable and you can't help feeling it sometimes :(
Just know it your heart that no matter how things look from the outside looking in, they have their problems, too. You and your mother may be much better off than you think; material things that your mother earned are always worth more to the soul and must give her a sense of pride she could get no other way. And kids that get handed "everything on a plate" never learn to appreciate any of it.
2006-08-01 01:43:51 · answer #8 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure it hurts that your father left but there is nothing that can be changed about it now. You have a few options: you can forgive him and try to start a relationship with your dad and his new family or you can write him off. Either way, you can't change the past. He probably feels awful for what he's done to you and your mom but he can't even change the past. Do what feels right to you! Having a relationship with him and his wife and your brothers and sisters does not mean that you don't love your mom and that you can't have a relationship with her. You are an adult now, you will make the right decisions.
2006-08-01 01:55:27 · answer #9 · answered by surelycoolgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life has a habit of kicking people in the teeth when theyare down, its one of those things. But look at it this way, your mum brought you up on her own, and she was the one wiping the tears, saw you riding a bike for the first time, saw you laughing when you got that birthday present you always wanted, stuff like that, and your dad has missed out on all that. I bet you and your siblings value everything you get and appreciate it even more, while your dads children have had everything handed to them on a plate, dont know what its like to appreciate things.
2006-08-01 01:42:14 · answer #10 · answered by Mas 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why let it bother you. Yes the guy is your dad, and I understand why you are upset about it all, but he left you, he wanted nothing to do with you, as long as you had a good child hood a happy one, thats the main thing. You can now respect the world, money and life, his other kids can't, they are going to get a huge shock when they get older. You have a lot to thank your mother, don't let her see you getting so upset over a scum bag like your father. Like the saying does, anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a dad!
2006-08-01 01:51:21 · answer #11 · answered by secret2009 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋