She was going through problems and I was discussing with a friend how much we'd like to help...yada, yada, yada. One of the 3 people in the room went to her and told her "oh yeah, they were talking about you. Saying how much they'd like to help and that they love you". He said it sarcasticly (for fun I guess, or to get something started) so she took it as we were bad mouthing her.
Now, she won't talk to me or anyone else that was there and it's causing problems with my husband and his brother (her husband).
She has learned since what really happened but won't budge.
In all actuality, I really could care less if we forgive and forget because she should have trusted me and come to me for answers! But, I want to be the "bigger person" and confront her for my husband and brother-in-law.
My problem...my husband says not to do it because I would be "swallowing my pride" if I went to her, because she was wrong and knows it. Now, I am constantly thinking about it.
Should I confront he?
2006-08-01 01:11:08 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
f her. thats one less christmas present you have to buy.
2006-08-01 01:14:57 · answer #1 · answered by swndawg 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a problem that is causing you stress,
As I understand it, your sister-in-law's problem was discussed and
some confidences were betrayed. Hurt has been added to hurt, and now two members of a family are out of communication.
Sadly, this is affecting much more than the two of you.
There is a great deal of unforgivness and pride in this situation. What are your choices?
Well if you (and she) do nothing time will pass and the relationships migh never be resolved.
The alternative is communication, with forgivess following, to restore something good that has been lost. What is keeping it lost? Two things - unforgivess and pride.
If you cannot communicate with her directly (and her with you) then think abour getting a mediator. What might you gain from this ?
You might get back a relationship. You might again know peace, calm and freedom of negativity. Your family can again be united and loving. Is that worthy or desirable?
The cost will be the laying down of pride and the admission that wrong was done on both sides..
Read the "Lord's Prayer" from the bible. We are fogiven as (much) as we forgive others.
Peter
2006-08-01 01:43:40 · answer #2 · answered by Peter H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every family has a few sensitive people to address. I don't think that you should apologize for saying that you wanted to help them. Also I wouldn't get sucked into a sympathy role. We have a couple in our family that have started a "family war" with everyone else because we don't care enough about their problems. With out getting into the details some of these people are so far out there that helping them would take more than a full time job and of course that is a dirty word with the ones I am talking about. I wouldn't lose any sleep or dwell on the displacement they have put on to you. You didn't do anything wrong....
2006-08-01 01:24:25 · answer #3 · answered by tadpoleslider 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, honey, first of all keep your family business inside of your family and this won't happen again. Next, she already knows the whole story but is still holding a grudge because she figures it's making it painful for you, and she is right. You're playing right into her hands. She WANTS to be pissed off, she's enjoying making everyone uncomfortable. If you have already explained the situation and apologized for it, then I would say just ignore her immature behavior and put on a smile when she comes around. She'll soon get tired of being all puffed up when she see's it's not affecting anyone but herself. As for you...don't beat yourself up over this. It was minor and you had her best interest at heart. Just don't talk about her anymore to others. Good Luck.
2006-08-01 01:17:21 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well no offense but you should not have been telling anyone her persoanl business. By saying you wanted to help her makes her feel bad. She is already stressed about her "problems" and to feel like you have to tell everyone you are helping her makes her feel embarassed. She did trust you, but you broke that when you were talking OPENLy about her and her issues. If you really love her and want to help.. Do it in secret. Don't talk about helping her just do it and don;'t let anyone know i was you. That is real love. She has a right to be angry. You might not have been trying to hurt her but if u were in her shoes you would understand. I would call her up and tell her that you want to talk to her. Tell her you were wrong for discussing it but never intended on hurting her. That you were not talking bad about her just explaining. She will still be hurt, but that is when you say hey lets have a girl day my treat and you get her hair done for her and makeup.
2006-08-01 01:19:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's horrible when something is "eating at you" like it is -- you have this on your mind all the time. Say "don't even try to rent space in my head." My guess is you've probably got more things to worry about than her --- especially if she KNOWS nothing bad was said. It can't hurt to confront her and get this off your chest. Maybe if you do that, you'll feel better (whether it fixes anything or not). Personally, I can't keep my mouth shut.
2006-08-01 01:16:26 · answer #6 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u feel better afterwards then do it. it seems u would not swallow your pride, but enjoy the whole thing, its more that your husband would have some major troubles, but also think about the possible following problems, like a real big brawl between your sister and law and your men or u and your husband.
2006-08-01 01:52:39 · answer #7 · answered by rotacka0687 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister was wrong, because if she seriously wanted to know if what the one of 2 people said was true, she would come to you for and explanation. (there are always two sides for every story!!) and your husband is right leave them alone, dot apologize for something you seriously didnt do. but that doesnt mean you shud stop talking to her, even if she did. when ever u see her, just say hi or bye . it would show that alittle mistake cant get between the love the two of you shared.......
2006-08-01 01:18:34 · answer #8 · answered by beautyprincess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a big boy and will be able to handle the situation with his brother. I don't think it is about "swallowing your pride," as much as you should never apologize for trying to be kind. She has the issues and you need to let her figure that out for herself.
2006-08-01 01:16:22 · answer #9 · answered by Robb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should apologize for talking about her problems with other people, which is also known as GOSSIP.
The tone of the conversation didn't bother her, it was the fact that you were discussing her with other people. In the future you might think more carefully about what you tell others about family business.
From your husband's advice, I don't think he likes her very much.
2006-08-01 01:14:37 · answer #10 · answered by Nosy Parker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm!
What a long story & I hate 2 say this but I agree with UR husband.
Let her come 2 U, she will in time.
Patience, exercise some Patience.
Don't allow UR self 2 B dragged in2 what could split UR family up.
2006-08-01 01:18:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋