Is It Fair Or Its Unfair ? Serious Reply Pls?

Question

Alrite , Here I Go , I'm a indian girl , born in hk and there i going to marry a guy who is from singapore , its a romantic love story , and then last mth , me n my mother went to singapore to fix the wedding date and other stuff , and my mother requested my mother in law that she will prefer the wedding in august bcoz my father who is in india , cannot make it in other mths , due to court hearing , which he could not postpone or delay in that , dun worry he is not criminal , he was poisoned by his own brother in 2004 , so continue after hearing that my mother in law reply back to my mum that its impossible to make the wedding in august coz her father in law wun make it to come for the wedding from india , my mother in law is a divorcee who have been living separate from her husband for the past 22 yrs , and the husband and his family had never keep in touch with them ever since . TBC

As the conversation goes on and with my bf other aunties grandma and his mother , other side was only me n my mum , then we have no choice and have to make according to thier way in october my bf was also very angry about it and he did ask why is that important for thoes ppl to coem for his wedding when they had never keep in touch with them , after this we went to the temple fix the date and to the place where the reception will be held , and there come another problem , my mother in law stated that she will be inviting more than 600 ppl for groom side , its wasnt a problem for me , but wat she said is that i'm responsible for all the food , morning breakfast ( S$8 per Head ) plus afternoon lunch (S$12 per head ) and then i explain to her that i have to spend money for the place where me n my family will stay and deco , make up hair do , henna , food , and some clothes for the groom and gold stuff , i do not want my mum n dad buy for me all that bcoz they are old now .TBC

Ok then she said she cant do anything in that coz its all important for her to invite all thoes ppl who are half of them from her husband side , and i requested her that can she make it less so that i can adjust or see if i can take it that much , she say no , after that i was ok with it coz i was trying to borrow or take loan from somewhere but it was hard to do so , then last week i told her about it and she create a big sence of it , i told her wat about 50 ppl can , then she say no she say if u dun want to pay for it then just cancle the wedding , as u all know , there is a limit of talking , and i could not control myself 2 and then i told it will be great to cancel coz u are too selfish , except from this she also did not ask my bf wat type of invitation cards he want and she just ask his uncle to make it and she did not even let him wear the clothes he want and even the shoes so ppl out there , tell me wat should i do , should i go appologize to her and agree to pay for the food

or just register marriage and leave the tradition wedding ? pls tell me wat should i do . thanks

Thanks alot i hope wat eva u guys told me will works , but i have a solutionmyself in my mind , i really want to see my mother in law with that F***** up face , well here wat i going to do if u all agree with me , i will tell her that 1st let the wedding be in october coz i will try myself to bring my father on my wedding , 2nd i will tell her that i'm willing to pay for that 600 ppl 's food , but i will pay her only after the wedding , and after the wedding i will tell her now , i'm married with ur son , and i will only pay for wat my family n friends eat , rest is all in ur list , i hope this answer will make her so fed up . i need comments on this pls do reply , thanks

Answer 1

I think you should talk to you fiance and tell him what his mother is doing. Have him talk to her, maybe he can convince her to back off of your wedding with him because it would be her son talking to her. I wouldnt cancel the wedding just because some stubborn, controlling mother-in-law wanted to take over who was there and what everything was going to be like. Tell her that it is YOUR wedding and you will do all the planning, dont let her walk all over you like this. If you allow her to make all these arrangements, then she could simply use you later down the road. Show her that you are a woman of pride and will do what she needs to do to make it how you want it. As for the food, I wouldnt pay. I would tell her that those people arent coming to the wedding, you are the bride, you can choose who can go and who cant. Tell her that you want only close people at the wedding and that you will decide exactly who you want there. I would tell her she has no say in when the wedding is being held either. Tell her that your father is more important in this family then a distant relative who is never around. Simply go to the temple (or hall) and change the date of the wedding. Why would you have a wedding and not be able to have your own father go to it? That just doesnt make much sense at all. Tell your fiance that it would mean alot to you if your father was able to go and that you want to change the wedding date. This wedding should be about you and him, and what the two of you want. As it sounds, the wedding is all about your future mother-in-law. I'd tell her to back off of my wedding. Weddings are a girl's dreams when she is younger, and its for the wedding party (bride and groom) to be able to celebrate their love for one another. I dont think there will be much celebrating if you let the mother continue doing what she is, it will probably just get worse. Just do what you and him want to do with this wedding. Invite the people you want to be there, dont invite the ones you dont want there. Chose your clothes, shoes, etc. you want to wear in your wedding. Plan your wedding together. Firmly tell mother-in-law to stop controlling YOUR wedding. *****DONT APOLOGIZE***** She deserved the snappy remark from you, hell, I would have gone insane on her when she started. Tell her asap though, that way you have enough time to fix everything that she screwed up. Hope this helped.

Answer 2

This is a really really long question. But you need to just elope. Forget the mother in law. She sounds very demanding like she thinks the wedding is for herself. Maybe if you can not elope then you need to be mean and let her know that it is not her wedding but yours and bfs. Time to put your foot down. Just flat out tell her that if she wants to invite that many people then she is going to have to pay for it because you can not afford it. Also your father being there is more important then her father/mother in law. You can tell her that to her face. Don't have your mother tell her these things just go strait to her and tell her how it is going to be. If she doesn't like it then tell her she doesn't have to be there. I know that it is hard but wedding make people crazy. And this happens more often than you think.

Answer 3

Wow, that was hard to decipher , but I think the problem is .. she doesn't want to have the wedding in August because HER ex husband who doesn't keep in touch with the family won't be able to make it..

If that's the case, ask your soon-to-be husband if he really wants his father there. If he doesn't mind not having him there so that you can have your wedding this year. have it in August.

Tell your mother, and your soon-to-be mother in law that this is your wedding and you will have it when it is convenient for most people.. not just that one person.

Answer 4

I think since it is your wedding you, and your future husband should try to talk about this together if possible, and decide together what is most important to the both of you. You may also want to try to speak to your mother in law yourself, and tell her that it would break your heart for your father not to be there. Good luck, hope all turns out for the best.

Answer 5

No, it does not seem fair. The thing about some mother-in-laws is that they really will do anything to upset the soon to be woman in their little boys life. You might try talking to your husband to be and explain the situation to him, maybe he can get her to understand or back off. Maybe there is a time that is good for both. Don't sweat it, take deep breaths and relax and try not to let her get to you. I have a feeling she will be doing things like this for the rest of your life.

Good luck :-)

Answer 6

This is getting out of control, it's becoming your mother-in-law's wedding.

Call of the big public, exhibition of a wedding with all of the expense and the hurt feelings, and the long distance travel, and have a small ceremony where you live. Invite close friends and relatives.

of if you really want such a big wedding with all of its expense -- plan it yourselves. Then tell them what your plans are - it looks like asking for their input is getting way out of control.

Answer 7

Forget about fair and unfair; try to fix it in Sep, Oct or in Nov as per mutual understanding. Wedding is an agreement between Man and Woman so acceptance is the first condition in every point, as human is social creature social adjustment also to be count.

Answer 8

I know there is a great deal of respect to your family, especially your parents. But this is your day and since no one else has presented a workable solution, you respectively make the decision. Make a list of pros's and con's for the problem and go with the one that will be the best for the most people including yourself. You can't please everyone all the time,so aim for the highest percentage of those you can please and be courteous and listen to those who would not favor your decision. but once you make the decision stay with it......good luck

Answer 9

So is it fair to make plans around your father-in-law? Is that the question? If so, it's hard to say. Maybe postpone the wedding a litlle so both of your fathers can attend.

Answer 10

TBC is right! what are you trying to say? you do wont to marry if your father can turn up but only if the other father who was`nt poisoned can turn up!!!!!!!just change the date so all your family can turn up. if its love its love. so don`t worry about the little things. whats more important you and him, or you and them? hope it works out, love is a beautiful things thats hard to find so if you`ve found it enjoy! goodluck for the future. andymuzic