I have a family of my own, but through-out my life both my parents reject me, take me back, then reject me again. I have always tried to be a good daughter (no matter what age) but they demand perfection 100 percent of the time, 24/7. They are divorced & it makes it all the worse. They are both verbally abusive & love to assualt with words. No, I don't think it's mental as they laugh and say I'm only playing. Has anyone been here? The pain is almost unbearable as I can't beg for their acceptance anymore and I feel worthless. The only reason I feel like being around is for my child and husband. I'm so ashamed & today was so hard to get through knowing your parents threw you away after you have tried everything.
2006-07-31 19:56:58 · 34 answers · asked by Lindsay 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
You obviously have some very good qualities - at least your husband must think so, and your child will think you are the greatest mom in the world. You were raised by rotten parents. Now you are an adult and as difficult as it might be, you must try to put their abuse behind you so it does not keep interfering with your life. Children want the love and approval of their parents. Some parents enjoy torturing children by withholding both. Learn from that experience, but don't follow that example. If you haven't put your parents out of your life, now might be a good time. Do not allow them to abuse you further. The next thing they might do is start the same crap with your child. You have a new family and a new beginning. Devote yourself to that and put the past in the trash.
2006-07-31 20:06:14 · answer #1 · answered by carolewkelly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many helpful suggestions posted here. I like the idea of reading the Toxic Parents book.
Therapy if you can afford it is a great idea. I had a similar situation and I spent several years crying in therapy. You have to get out all of that pain else it will stress out your body and your mind. I really feel that it takes a long time and a good therapist to work through all of the issues.
You could write about what you have been though in a journal. You could pretend that you are writing your autobiography.
Your parents come across as mentally ill. They do not relate to you and maybe to others on a stable basis. Read an article on borderline personality disorder and sadistic personality disorder.
It seems they are deriving some kind of pleasure from abusing you and rejecting you. It doesn't look like they have an interest in changing.
The therapist will help you minimize or end your relationship with your parents when you are ready. It is more important to feel worth something and not be ashamed than to maintain this relationship.
Where is your husband in all of this? He should be standing up for you. I would not go to their house without him. I'd restrict the phone calls.Use a cell phone that logs the call as unanswered but that doesn't accept messages. That way they can't poison your messages. Let your husband take the phone calls.
Why do you want acceptance from unacceptable people? Get acceptance from yourself and your husband.
It is hard to cut off your parents. I had a boyfriend who told his parents that he wouldn't be around them if they didn't do therapy. They went to therapy. I was told not to try it on my parents because another relative already did and it didn't work. Maybe it would work for yours.
2006-07-31 21:28:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be grateful for your husband and child and get counseling to deal with the rejection of your parents. Whether or not they accept you is not your fault but I've found this problem is more prevelant that I would have thought and it can be devastating.
Sometimes we just have to accept that the situation is not our fault, we can do nothing to change it and by all means not let it rob us of the joy of loving those who love us.
Your family does not have to be the family you were born into.
Please get some professional help. You sound like too good a person to be unhappy about something that is not your fault and you cannot change it. Once you've done your best you can do no more!
2006-07-31 20:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a special person no matter what people around you say and do... You should start by accepting the fact that you may never earn the love and respect that your parents were obliged to give you. Look for love elsewhere. I know there are others who are more that willing to shower you with so much love and affection. Your resentment over what your parents have done will only keep you from experiencing the love others were bound to give you. Have faith in yourself. Move on.
God bless you...
2006-07-31 20:03:35 · answer #4 · answered by Jinky Winky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (Paperback) by Susan Forward, Craig Buck
When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life by Victoria Secunda
2006-07-31 20:02:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about you, but if it were me, I'd give my parents an ultimatum: "I'm sick of you making me feel bad and not being able to accept me for who I am, you can take me or stay away from me but whatever it is, it will be the last thing you'll do."
Now, you may think that is a bit harsh, but I just don't take that kind of thing, even more so from my family. You say that you stay around because of your child and husband, I will actually stay away because of my child and husband (well, technically I don't have a child and husband, but we're talking hypothetically here). I would be thinking, how is all these bad emotions and the way my parents treats me will affect my child's view of how a family relationship should be?
It's like asking yourself the question, should you get a divorce to spare your child from all the fights and trauma or should you stay together for your child so they don't have to choose?
My parents used to fight all the time and mud slinging each other like crazy, one day I just can't take it anymore and start analysing the words they said to each other. At first they were amused, eventually they get angry at me and told me to shut up. I told them that they're the ones that should shut up and stop saying things to each other that they don't mean just to flame the heat. They fight less around me after that, but ah well... you take what you can get.
I am saying that in my experience in dealing with my family, honesty of what you feel works best. You have to be able to feel good in life because like it or not, you actually affect others. If you are not happy, your husband and child will feel it too. Confront your parents about their treatment of you and not drag you into their problems/issues. Sometimes they don't see what they're doing to other people around them who loves them and you have to knock their heads and make them see past their pride/anger. Parents are like children sometimes.
2006-07-31 20:16:40 · answer #6 · answered by loki_niflheim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
say it with me honey.
T-H-E-R-A-P-Y. it's ok to talk to a professional about this. if you have a family of your own, then it's time to turn to them for support. lean on your husband, hug your child, tell your family that you love them. if your parents are going to act like CHILDREN, that is THEIR problem. obviously they are just jealous of you and the fact that YOU have kept a beautiful family TOGETHER and YOU are able to live a HAPPY life. why do you need their acceptance so bad? you DON'T. YOU are NOT worthless. your husband and your child NEED you. their divorce has caused them to lash out at you because you are stable and happy, it is NOT your fault. tell them that you refuse to speak to them and they are not allowed to see their grandchild until they can respect you and your family. you are an adult and you deserve to be treated with respect and love. if they can't handle that, then it won't be the first time in history that grandparents are removed from the picture. you need to respect your family and remedy this situation as quickly and as healthily as you can so you can be the wonderful mother and wife that i know you are.
good luck. e-mail me if you want, let me know how it goes.
fizzywater_311@yahoo.com
((big hug))
fizzy
2006-07-31 20:06:24 · answer #7 · answered by DFA79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were lucky enough to find someone to marry, and have a child with. You have your own family, now. You a all grown up. If your parents still torment you, I presume you either live nearby, or with them. I suggest you move your family far away, and only contact your parents once in a long while. And, by phone or letter. They will miss YOU.
2006-07-31 20:03:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a loving husband and a child. What your parents did to your is unexcusable but you need to heal. Your family comes first and the thought that you have someone presently who loves and care for you is the begining of the step.
Unfortunately I have never being in your situation. My parents are over loving.
2006-07-31 20:03:28 · answer #9 · answered by ngina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear No body can forcefully beg for love from anyone.You have to act in such a way that other loves you without any condition.May be your parents were divorced that's why they are treating you like this.If you know from the bottom of your heart that you are correct then leave this to christ.He know's the situation and sooner or later you will be accepted by your parents.
wishing you good luck.
2006-07-31 20:06:35 · answer #10 · answered by happu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋