anyone got any good jokes?

Question

not too long but not too short

Answer 1

Okay, hope you don't mind me cutting down Bush...

So, Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.
"And finally sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".
"Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"
Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"

Answer 2

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."

No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a bus stop."

Answer 3

I find this one really funny, I have a bunch more, but others are much longer :)




Blonde Shops For Curtains


>A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
> salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
>
> The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of
> pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde
> seems to have a hard time choosing.
>
> Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman
> then asks what size curtains she needs.
>
> The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."
>
> "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very
> small - what room are they for?"
>
> The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, but they
> are for her computer monitor.
>
> The surprised salesman replies, "But miss, computers do not
> need curtains!"
>
> The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo! I've got Windoooooows!"

Answer 4

A man takes a rolling stop through a sign, and the trooper pulls him over. The man rolls down his window, and the officer steps up to the car. "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

The man says, "I didn't stop, but I did slow down, officer."

The cop says to him, "Sir, step out of the car."

They walk to the side of the road, and the cop pulls out his nightsitck and starts raining blow after blow down on the motorist.

The cop asks the man, "Sir, would you like me to stop, or to just slow down?"

Answer 5

What did the snail say while riding on the shell of a turtle? WHEE!!!!!