I need every kind of golf joke you can come up with. As a matter of fact....make up one!
2006-07-31 17:40:36 · 14 answers · asked by Planet Progress 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I know one."I'm a par player".That's funny as hell.
2006-07-31 17:44:26 · answer #1 · answered by twiztidsdad 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A man was invited to play at his friend’s course and during the round he felt the call of nature, was far away from the toilets and so he went behind a tree believing that he was unobserved. However, on a parallel fairway, three lady members were playing. As they passed they were surprised to observe just a very private part of a man’s anatomy protruding from around the tree. He’s certainly not my husband, I can tell, said the first lady, Disgusting - I’m glad he’s not mine either, said the second lady. It really is a damned cheek, said the third. That’s not even a club member!
2006-08-01 01:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by A 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two guys are out one day golfing. One slices off to the right, one hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. The guy on the right is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can't lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she mad!
"What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?" she asks.
"I'm just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady", replies the golfer.
"Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you've done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!"
The golfer starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature's patience.
"What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?" she screams at him.
"I'm not laughing about that - I'm laughing about my friend over there whacking the hell out of your pussy willows!
2006-08-01 00:51:46 · answer #3 · answered by mafia man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two Alzheimers patients who had forgotten to get dressed were playing golf when someone yelled "Fore!" The nude dudes stood there dumbfounded as onde was knocked unconscious by the golfball. The other one went to his bag and pulled out a ruler to measure. He yelled back, "No way, he's way more than "Four!"
2006-08-08 19:03:10 · answer #4 · answered by Just Ask 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Golfer Goes to the Emergency Room
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"
2006-08-01 00:59:45 · answer #5 · answered by teashy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
moses and Jesus are playing golf. a pond is between them and the hole. its jesus's turn. he hits the ball and miraculously, the ball rolls on the water all the way to about one or 2 inches from the hole. it is Mose's turn. he hits the ball and the pond parts. the ball rolls through the pond and stops about 3 inches from the hole. suddenly a huge bolt of lightning strikes the golf course and a rolling ball appears. right before the ball falls in the pond, a turtle puts the ball into his mouth and swims across the pond. the turtle gets back on land and drops the ball into the hole. moses yells," goddamn it Jesus! i hate it when your dad plays!!!"
hope you thought it was funny
2006-08-06 21:53:54 · answer #6 · answered by imagineallthepeople92 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a young american business man goes to japan for a weekend business trip,
Not knowing any of the language and not knowing anybody there he decided to do the one thing thats constant in all cultures,
Hire a prostitute
So he hires this japanese hooker who doesnt speak a lick of english and they get down to business...
things get going and he thinks hes doing good cuz all night shes screaming hoshimoto! hoshimoto
They finish he pays her she leaves...
the next day on the golf course witht he japanese business exec and the americans boss the japanese guy hits a beautiful hole in one and all of them start complimenting him and cheering him on in japanese...
not knowing anything else to say the american yells out hoshimoto hoshimoto
the group falls silent and the japanese boss looks at him and asks,
"what do you mean its in the wrong hole?"
2006-08-01 02:35:51 · answer #7 · answered by ripdom415 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When a golfer scores a hole in 1 on the green, he can sleep peacefully at night.
But when a golfer scores a hole in 1 off the green, he can sleep peacefully at night for the next 9 months, after that........
2006-08-01 00:49:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/quotes/golf_jokes.html
2006-08-01 10:12:33 · answer #9 · answered by dtstuff9 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wanna clean my golf balls for me?
2006-08-01 00:44:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You may get reportedif get those from me..
2006-08-05 07:04:25 · answer #11 · answered by easyboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋