Tell your best Joke...?

Question

make me laugh get 10 points...clean, dirty, or whack, lol go for it

Answer 1

3 guys walk into a bar..
the 4th one ducks.

Answer 2

What does hell bent for election mean anyway. Did you mother ever say "do not do that you'll put your eye out ". What is the meaning of a stick in the mud and why was it put there to begin with -to grow a tree? What does a pin drop sound like anyway. Why is a church mouse considered so poor when he has all the bread to eat and wine to drink and the collection plate is full on Sunday..If men are from Mars why don't the go back where they came from. Who invented toilet paper and is he now a millionare ?

Answer 3

ok there are these 2 redneck Bubba and Earl driveing in there truck drinkin a couple of beers.then the passenger Bubba say lookie up a there Earl theres a rode stop.Earl says ok well pull that there lable off of the beer bottle and stick it on ur 4head and ill do the same.so they put the lables on there heads and but the emptys under the seat.when the got 2 the stop the police said you boys been drinkin 2night? earl said no sir pointing 2 the lables on there heads me and bubbas on the patch

Answer 4

Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's the Secret Service.'
-- Jay Leno




One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out. When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne. The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me." So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed. Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed. The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!" The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."






A rich couple get into a fight over the wife spending too much money. He says, "Baby, if you would just get off your *** once in a while and learn to cook and clean, we could get rid of the live in maid"! She says, "Oh yeah! well if you would just learn how to ****! we could get rid of the chauffeur"!!!





One evening at a bar a group of men were watching the news.
The news had on a story about a man threatening to jump off a
high ledge. The first man says that he bets 100 dollars that the
guy jumps, the second says that he bets 100 that he doesn't.
The man jumps and the second man pays the first and leaves.
The first man chases after him because he felt bad. The news
was recapping the story that happened an hour ago and he
already knew beforehand that he jumped. He catches up with
the second guy and tells him this. The second guy replies," I
know but I didn't think that guy would be dumb enough to jump
again!"






High Tech Bodies
Three women, one Greman, one Japanese, and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The Greman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.

"That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang.
The Japanese women lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly.
When she was finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech.
Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The Hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."






ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............





The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Answer 5

so this guy goes into the ice cream parlor, and sees the three flavor's being served. strawberry,vanilla, and chocolate ice cream. so he says I will have a single scoop of the chocolate, the manager says i must apologize, for we are out of that right now, would you like something else? so this guy looks and looks, and says ok, I will have a single scoop of the chocolate. the manager is now getting frustrated and says sir did you not here me? we are out of the chocolate. so the manager looks at this guy and says ok sir do you see the vanilla? the man says yes. the manager says can you spell the word (van) in vanilla? the man says why yes I can VAN. then the manager asks, can you spell the word (straw) in strawberry? why that's easy,STRAW, well that's easy it's right there in the front of strawberry. the manager says ok, can you spell the word (f**K) in chocolate? this guy looks hard and long and finely says, their ain't no f**k in chocolate. the manager says that is just what I have been trying to tell you sir.!!! lol !!!

Answer 6

New York States biggest joke is Hillary Clinton

Answer 7

A blond , a brunette and a redhead were stranded on a tiny remote island for five years. One day they found a bottle that had washed up on the beach. Sure enough, after a few rubs, out pops a magic genie.

"As a reward for releasing me from my bottle, I shall grant each of you one wish!"

"I wish I was back in New York, with my mom and dad!" says the brunette, and POOF! she was gone.

"I wish I was back in California, with all of my beautiful children!" said the Redhead, and POOF! she was gone.

The blond looks around and says "I'm so confused. I wish my friends were here to help me.........

Answer 8

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

Answer 9

Computer tennis










look left













look right
















look left

Answer 10

These two are my favorites.....I remember them because my father told them to me just before he passed away!

#1 The guy and the girl were making out in the back seat of his car when she moaned....

OH PLEASE!! Kiss me where it smells......

So he drove her to Gary Indiana.


#2 After making out...the guy says to the girl....I'm sorry...if I would have known you were a virgin....I would have taken more time.

She says....If I would have known you had more time...I would have taken off my pantyhose!!