I'm having an extremely difficult time getting over my first love. Any advice?

Question

Ok, about a week and a half ago my girlfriend broke up with me. Before that, she cheated on me, but I forgave her. I was so "in love" that I forgot about what was best for me. I'm always the good guy and will do anything to please others. She said she was sorry and would never do it again, but then she became very distant and remote. After a few weeks, she told me I was "nice, cute, and smart" but that she when she told me she loved me, she was just confused. I was and am still devistated.

As it stands now, I'm extremely depressed and have lost about 15 pounds (I'm 6'2" and now weigh 140 lbs). I haven't slept more than 2-3 hours for the past week. She was my baby and sole companion for months. We spent basically every waking hour together. I loved her deeply, even after what she did. Do I need to seek help for these effects? Besides professional help, do you have any advice?

Thank you so much for any help; I'd appreciate it.

Answer 1

I acctually I just got out of an almost identical relationship with my first love recently. We were together for 3 years and she cheated on me twice(all in the last year), and I forgave her each time. I loved her with everything I had, and still wanted to be with her (and i kinda still do). When she left me I was devistated just like you, I didn't eat, sleep, or even care about anything anymore. All I wanted was to just die. So I know excactly where you are coming for, because I've been there too. When she came back to me I thought we could work everything out, but she just used me for 3 months, and then broke my heart again. I will tell you this, the pain and tourture I've been through for the last 3 month I do not wish that upon even my worst enemy.

The lack of sleep and the weigh loss is nautral. You love her, and you can not control your heart. I know you don't fell like eating or sleeping, but try to. Even if you have to force yourself. I ran on power bars, caffinne, and sleeping pills for months(I'm not saying you should do this but remember I've been there too, and I know the pain you are feeling). Start off slow, call your best friend or someone you can confide in, and open up to them(I find that women are more compassionate to this kinda pain then men are). Tell them everything, how you feel, what you are thinking, what you remember about her, EVERYTHING. You need to get whats on your mind out or you wind up talking to ghosts. Ask that person to hang out with you, and go out. Go to places you know you can have fun at (an arcade, club, sports events, concerts, etc.) places with lots of people and loud noise. This will help you get your mind off of her, atleast for a little while. I wish there was something I or anyone could say that could instantly take away the pain, but there isn't. Though I can say this, you don't think it now, but I promise it will get better. It'll take a long time I know, and you may not be able to see it now but one day you will. She was your first love, and she will always be with you, and to quote a true song "The first cut IS the deepest". I've asked this same question here on Answers, to my friends and to myself many times, because I want to know how to get over your first love, and every answer is the same. It only takes time. One day you will look back and think of her, and all the pain she put you through, and reliaze the person you are then came from the person you are now. With all the pain you are going though now I want to ask this of you. Don't let her consume you life forever. Move on. It my be tomorrow, or it may be in a couple months, but remember she cheated on you, and you are better than that. I know you don't want to hear this because you love her so much, but there are 8.4 billion (8,400,000,000) people in this world (that's a big number). You will find someone else. Someone who loves you the way you want to be love, someone who will be faithful, someone who cann't live without you. You may not find her today, tomorrow, or for years, but how can you find her if you don't try.

Answer 2

i will say something....u cant obligue someone to love u as u are loving him or her.....when someone cheat on u its mean that he or she will do it again.....when a person is confused about what u think and feel about his or her couple its mean that he doesnt have any better excuse to break with u....i have passed something similar last year and i know how u feel, and now i passed again the same story, i was so happy but suddenly he changed and he didnt have time for me anymore...its hard to handdle all this, but no one has died in this life for a bad love, i recommend u not to keep watching the door that it has closed for u, many more doors maybe are opening for u or where open since u started with that girl and u never noticed, so many time we lose better oportunities just because we want to continue watching the door that it has closed. sometimes is not love honey its just that u we get use to that person too much that we think we can live without her or him, u are too worthy to be depressed for someone that didnt care of u, that cheated on u, and that lied to u when she told u that she was in love with u, cause when we really love someone we never get confused, cause we are sure that we love that person, if she didnthave the enough gutts to say that she wanted to be free to continue doing her life with u its because she is not worthy and she doesnt deserve u,,,,according to the phsicology the grief when u break up, when someone has passed over etc etc its almost the same cause its a lost and the sense of lost may be there for 2 months or more,,,,if u feel that u cant do it by urself, just look for help, if u feel comfortable with that do it, but if u belive in god he is the only one who can help u...he is the only one who can heal ur wounds, and rememeber all in this life happen because a reason, and thanks life, god or who ever u wanna thanks that all this happen now and not when u and her are inside a marriage cause things could have been worst....i told u if u think that u can do it urself, look for help, phsicologist , priest, mom, some good friend, but never forget that u must have on the top of ur list, the king of the kings...GOD...he is ur way, ur light and the healing for ur soul..he is the best chicken broth for ur soul.....

Answer 3

Let me tell you - this girl right here has been in your position. All I can really tell you is that this time in your life will pass, and you will get over her. I know that this is easier to read than to actually do, and believe me it took me at least a year to get over my first love ( together for 3 years ) but he cheated on me and things just weren't working out. It was hard and we tried two other times to see if things would work out and they simply did not. Now when I see him I can honestly say that nothing will ever happen between me and that man again. All I can do is wish you the best of luck and you will be alright. Just be strong, take the day that has been given to you, make the best of it, and move on. You can do it - be strong.

Answer 4

First off I deeply apologize for the pain you're going through...I myself, unfortunately, can relate right now.
You need to think about what is best for yourself right now and take care of you. Do things you like to enjoy. I know it's difficult to enjoy anything right now, though.
Give yourself a set amount of time to grieve, a week or so. But after that find the willpower to move on.
If needed, I think that it would be a wonderful idea to talk to a therapist. Obviously this is affecting you physically and that is not good.
One thing that helps me, also, is a good support network. Whether it be your parents, a friend, co-worker. The worst thing you could do right now is isolate yourself. You need people you can trust and rely on. People that are going to be empathetic towards your situation and be there whether you need to talk, vent or be distracted from your pain.
Being heartbroken is never an easy thing and there is no set answer for getting over. We all handle things differently.
Please try to take care of yourself right now.
Best wishes...

Answer 5

This may sound crude but lets all face it might help you get over her quicker: Go have fun and get some new tail.. youll soon meet new women and you want to be sure you dont fall in love with the next one that comes along.... cause sounds like youre vulnerable right now and noone wants to be a rebound. After having some fun with some new women youll realize the world doesnt revolve around her.

Answer 6

You will always love her and always miss her because you put her on a pedestal and no one will ever fill her shadow quite the way she did.
However, you only get one chance to live life and to let her leaving you prevent you from moving on and meeting someone new is not good. I cried for days and days when someone broke up with me. I was co-dependent, meaning I needed someone in my life that I could be with, conform to, and make happy. This is what you have. You should try to do things you enjoy and be open to meeting new people. Don't have to date but just talk and make friends and that may carry over to somthing new.
I've cheated before and it was because I wasn't interested in what I had. I was young and fickle. To her you were a pit stop holding her back from seeking her unknown destination.
Hold the love you had for her and apply the knowledge you've gained to futur relationships. (I had to make myself hate and despise the one I had to get over. We are now very good friends however cheating was not envolved in that relationship)

Answer 7

I still love my fist girlfriend, and its twenty years later. While there is no easy way to get over it, you must let it go. I have never understood why people feel you have to empty your heart of feelings for another person after they have sent you packing. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, or so the saying goes. Maybe her confusion is genuine. Maybe the "every waking hour" thing suffocated her. It doesn't matter. Her rejection does not make you undesirable.

Answer 8

it is so tough dealing the lost of your first love. mostly everyone goes with their first break up as hard as u going through. When i broke up it was in high school and i got to see her everyday and it was hard to not think about her. But when i was having fun with the things that i like my mind was away from her. I like baseball and watch movies. So find something u enjoy doing that will make u happy. That way at least for a few moments u will forget about her and it will take time.

Answer 9

*sigh*

The same thing happened to me... my ex however was honest with me and said he just didnt feel the same about me... that really hurt and it was 4 months ago... he's interested in someone new, and I hope he doesnt hurt her too.

The thing is, he's a sweetheart, but he doesnt know what he wants, and the nice girls who want a nice guy (a.k.a. him) don't know that. I've accepted that he's going to like her and it's ok, because we're still friends and we hang out and stuff, and time heals... but it seems like forever.

You will miss her... there's no getting around that. And it hurts like the dickens... but there's nothing to be done about it; even though you're a guy, you should have a good cry, that often helps speed things along.

I wish I had better news for you dear. But you will heal, and you will find a girl who suits you just fine.

Answer 10

What your going through right now is basically a " lost" & its perfectly normal. Everyone goes through what your going through. Now about your ex girlfriend, i know your in love with her but you got to let her go! She cheated on you.. thats the first big no no.. & but your so intoxicated by her love that only others can see what your simply choosing not too..

i hope you the best! you will find someone! i guarentee it!!..

talk to me anytime you have ne questions! =]