I basically need to be told what I already know. I'm so freakin' retarded I want to slap myself. I'm in a really, really bad marriage. My husband and I fight constantly and he hurts me often. He's hit me and I've hit him. He tells me on a semi-daily basis that he hates me, wishes we hadn't ever gotten married to begin with, etc. Always the next day it's over and he loves me for a few days. Then I come home and it's back to the same old stuff on a different day. I'm not even sure at this point I want to stay married. What do I do? How do I grow the balls to stand up for myself? How the heck do you learn how to like yourself enough to want something better? Just one answer will do. I just need to know if this marriage even sounds like it's worth saving. At this point I think both of us are more concerned about the concept than the actual relationship... Is there anyone out there that can offer me hope?
Additional Details
15 hours ago
oh yeah, i guess i forgot to mention... I don't have a job. My folks are seriously disfunctional (Yeah, I got issues that go WAY back) Thanks everybody for your input. Like I said, I pretty much know the answer, but needed to hear it from impartial people.
2006-07-31 16:40:32 · 3 answers · asked by corrie 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Wow, I lived in a marriage just like yours for almost twenty years. I stayed for the kids. I didn't have a good job. Who would want me. I am sure I can get this marriage to work. He really is a good guy. Sound familiar?
I won't even go into the abuse that my husband put me through. It's not worth it. I wasted two decades of my life, and thoroughly screwed up three kids, waiting for it to get better. You know what happened? He left me, and I had to deal with it all anyway. All that abuse. What I found out was I am strong, I am wanted. I can get a job. I can go to college. I am worth while to someone.
You put this first in marriage and divorce, then in religion.I hope that is because you are seeking truth.
I don't know if you are a Christian, but that would help you know your direction.
Also, I don't believe that God wants us in a harmful relationship, so if you are being abused, leave. If your marriage is worth saving, you will find out what your husband values. He will work at it with you. I have seen marriages put back together after extensive separations. Seek Godly counsel, that is what will help the most.
be blessed
the person that answered above me is right about you and he being gifts to each other. it is true that God hates divorce. I hope I don't sound like divorce is the only answer. I just was so abused that I can't say stay when I have feared for my life so many times. If you can take a godly approach, and work out your marriage, by all means you should do that.
2006-07-31 17:05:42 · answer #1 · answered by 2ndchhapteracts 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know one of the biggest problems with married couple today is that they go into marriage with the attitude of "what is this person gonna do for me?" It should be exactly the opposite, "What can I do for my spouse?" I know that sounds crazy to you. But with all due respect your way isn't working. If all you wanted to do was to hear the opinions of people who have also failed, then ignore me. But the best way to get a better spouse is to be a better spouse. Right now the two of you are in a downward spiral of hurting each other. The honesty or rather lack of honesty could probably be described in the same way.
So how do you flip that over and start going upward? Where you do something for him and he appreciates it so much that he does something for you? It has to do with how you think of each other. The bible(your way isn't working so try this one) says that we are a gift to out spouses and they are a gift to us. A gift from who? From God. I know!! Iknow!! You're thinking God must hate you to give you such a lousy gift. Well, the funny thing is, he woiuld think the exact same thing about you. So will the next person if you bail out and take all these issues into another relationship. There are some things that need to be fixed about both of you. Work to save your marriage. Get some counselling and start attending church regularly. Many churches have counsellors for people in your situation. They can and do help people every day. God made marriage, he knows how it is supposed to work. Look for answers from those who would have them, not people who have only failed. You'll be in my prayers and I hope many others will pray for you also.
2006-07-31 17:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by unicorn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, I would recommend seeking legal & professional counseling! Personally, I would get OUT of that marriage ASAP. You can contact a professional counselor or DSS to help you find a place to live and get a job so you can rebuild your life.
2006-07-31 16:47:59 · answer #3 · answered by geniec67 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋