How can I tell my sister-in-law to understand?

Question

My sister-in-law really bothers me and her brother my husband.She keeps sending us messages to support my father-in-law..(their father) financially. But what we can do?, we are financially unstable at this time.Im not working at this moment,taking care of my daughter.My husband is working,earn money for a living to survive our family. She >>>sister-in-law, has this pizza parlor and internet cafe shop that she owns, though she helps financially to my father-in-law living with her sister. She keeps opening up this issue bout how can we support my father-in-law, how much will we support? though before, my father-in-law lived with us and We are trying to support his needs..But now, my husband and I lived in my mother's house..financially unstable.Why can't she understand our situation, how is hard for us and for his brother to deal with my family which she doesnt know.And all that his brother my husband earn money for our family and don't have any extra money to give for his father

My father has a stroke, and not able to work. But he only ates bread for a meal.

Answer 1

Carmela, why don't you start by telling her what you just said in your question? Sometimes it's easier to write it down for her in the form of a letter or e-mail. Tell her that because of your own financial situation, you and your husband are not in a position at this time to support your father in law when you are having a hard enough time supporting your own immediate family. You said you have a daughter. A growing child has needs and that is where your money should be going. Why does your father in law need financial support? Why didn't he budget his money correctly when he was younger so that he wouldn't be in the situation that he is in now? You are trying to do the right thing for YOUR family, which is your daughter and your husband. And why is your sister in law bugging you about this? If she is so concerned, then why isn't she taking care of your father in law herself? She has more money now than you do, so why isn't she stepping up to the plate instead of bugging you about it? Ask her this.

Answer 2

This situation is arising all the time now that people are living longer and need help. When my mom became unable to care for herself, we were in the same position. She was in her 80s, and there are three of us . It made 2 of us feel terrible, since only the one requesting help with expenses, had the money to do so. I answered, politely, that we were barely getting along ourselves. My other sister did not answer her at all. By my response, I was no longer "part" of the inner circle of sisters. I guess if I had ignored the request it would have been better. It is a hard thing to try to explain that you really want to help, and would if you could, but are financially in a bind. As a result my mother was taken to an agency for the aged to be evaluated, and fortunately for her, they accepted her into a really nice Nursing Home that she loves. I know that most stories don,t end up happily, tho, and it is a shame. There are agencies in every State, but each has different rules about who qualifies for help and who does not. I would, if I were you, try to see if you all can get together and have a talk about seeking an agency such as the "Aid to the Elderly" or it,s equivalent in your State. It would really take a load off your mind, and maybe they have a solution. My sisters and I now talk, but that is probably because it all worked out so well. My mom, God bless her has been in the Nursing Home for 7 yrs. now and loves it and is doing fine. Of course she is old and we know eventually it will be her time to go to her Heavenly reward, but she is happy now. What more can one ask. Try talking, tho. Being cast as uncaring, which I was, is a hurtful experience, and I would not want to see that happen to anyone else. We all can only do our best and having no money is beyond our control. Every caring person wishes they had the means to care for a loved one. I wish you and your family best wishes in finding a workable solution.

Answer 3

Tell sister in law you need to sit down and talk. Give her the details perhaps father in law should live with a family member since he is financially unstable currently. Explain as well your financial needs. Try as a family unit to work this out fairly and responsibly. After all fathers gave when we all were growing up and now that this father needs help, everyone must come together on this issue.

Answer 4

It's tough when family does that to you isn't it? You'll need to be very firm. If she calls, both you and your husband need to tell her the same thing, very calmy and nicely. "We can not help him financially right now, but maybe we can help out in some other way. We're not discussing this anymore, and if you continue to talk about it, I'm going to politely hang up". Then you change the subject. If she's in your house, tell her the same thing - only walk away into another room instead of hanging up. Keep silencing her the only way you can - it's important that both of you support each other and do this every single time it's brought up. Once you convince her that you're done arguing about it, maybe she'll quit bringing it up. Stand firm, and maybe you can help him out by driving him somewhere, or writing letters for him, or take him dinner...or whatever. That shows you're still willing to help any way you can - just not financially. Good luck! I hope it all works out for you!

Answer 5

Your husband needs to take up this issue with his sister. While it is important to help his father in any way he can, your husband's priority is to his young family -you and your daughter (I'm assuming it's his daughter, too) come first. Your sister in law may feel that she's taking the brunt of the responsibility of taking care of your father in law, but she's more financially able to. And she needs to understand that she may need to do that for a while. You husband has to take this up with his sister, not you.

Answer 6

You need to just sit her down and tell her that you can't afford to help. Explain to her that you are not working and your husband is just making enough to support you. Tell her that you'd be happy to help out with anything else that is not financial.

Answer 7

Remind her about your current financial situtation and that you
can't support him financially. You and your husband love him
don't love him any less but can't afford to give him money. You
support him in any other way.

Answer 8

Very sad for you. Tell her to shut up and bud out of your life, honestly! If she is so free to want to spend everyone else's income, than she should continue to be the support to the father.

Answer 9

just tell her u cant do it at this time. just be truthful with her maybe shell understand. if not talk to your husband and see what he says about the matter and if hes on your side then tell her you cant. if u dont shell bother you untill u give in and be broker than u already are. i have a daughter also and she comes first...

Answer 10

While it should be obvious, I think you have to tell her straight out to stop asking because you don't have any money to spare and you wish there was something you could do to help because you love your father-in-law very much, bla, bla, bla. Good luck.