Why do guys feel like they are being pressured into marriage?

Question

I got engaged on St. Patrick's Day of this year and my S/O and I were thinking about getting married in May. Well we decided not to get married in May but now he doesn't want to set a date, he wants to be spontaneous and wake up one morning and decide "let's get married today!!!" I have expressed to him the fact that I don't want to get married spontaneously and asked him to set a date or atleast talk to me about how he feels but anytime I bring up the words marriage or wedding, he says that it makes him not want to get married more and more because I'm taking the excitement out of getting married. Can anyone, but especially guys help me to understand this please!!!

Answer 1

I don't know about western guys. But specially the Asians like Indian and Sirilankan guys are being pressured into marriage by their parents only to get a "dowry".

So It is tragedy!!!

Answer 2

he isn't grown up enough to handle marriage. if you like him enough to be okay just enjoyijg the dating and stuff, stick with that and take the marriage thing off the table. no free rides for him, no enjoying the security of a girl he feels secure has already said yes to marrying him and will wait for him. un-decide the marriage, you don't want the crusty ingredients as foundation for the next attempt.

if he changes his mind for real he can talk with you about it so yall can agree on things and then he or you can propose with those decisions made (that element works out as a nice suprise despite it getting talked out already). the date gets set usually as a year from the engagement, make sure he understands engagement is a committment to marry, nothing less. there are other ways of expressing other milestones or moments of note or whatever in a relationship.

maybe he should try committing to a half year of tango/swing/salsa lessons or something with you? see if he can handle the fun of such an investment in moving well with you even though it comes with a schedule.

Answer 3

yeah i read the other answer and maybe he is not ready to make the commitment yet.. but his excuses are a little lame you ask me..and it is true if you are doing what you would do if you are married except he does not have the responsibility of paying all the bills and taking care of a wife and family.. talk to him about this and if he does not love you enough to plan a wedding date then the heck with him.. no one wants to go get married the first time anyway spontaneously...does he not want your families at the wedding.. sounds like he is just putting it off...i would get down to terms with him and find out how serious he is or quit wasting your years waiting...days turns into months then months turn into years.......think about it

Answer 4

they do it because you act desperate. If you would pull back some they would let you boss them around. right now it seems he is in control. He wants to go get married spontaneously and NOT have a wedding where all the friends, family, can see.
he's probably thinking of the $$$ it will cost, and pressure.

You should get him married at a court house first because he sounds like someone who is thinking of NOT doing it at all.
then have your wedding. But dont' pressure him and act so desperate.
So you are thinking of marrying in May of next year. that's cool but you need to make reservations for venue, save money, etc, etc. maybe he's nervous.

Men will hold on to their freedom for as long as they can.

Answer 5

sounds like he might of been feeling he old green brew that st. patty's night when he asked and now has clarity and instead of calling it off would rather push up the date for as long as he can hopefully until you forget i mean come on theres no such thing as spontaneous when it coms to a wedding theres planning involved there, a church, maids, groomsmen, flowers cake etc. i wouldnt pressure him on just dont look forward to him setting a date anytime soon.

Answer 6

From my experience, most guys are hesitant to settle down because 'something better might come along'. Don't take that personally - they do it to everyone. I heard that from more of my guy friends (friends only) than I can say. If he's not willing to set a date....I hate to say it, but you're going to have to give him the dreaded ultimatum. Give him until October to set a date (or whenever) or dump him. You have to follow through though, unless you're happy just being a girlfriend for an indefinate period of time.

Answer 7

Forget it. Marriage is the step to take when you both are certain beyond the shadow of a doubt; you don't want to wait for anyone else; you don't want to sleep with anyone else; you don't want to have sex with anyone else; you don't want to create children with anyone else. Once you come to this realization, nothing can stop you from "hitching"to the significant other who answers all of those needs. That's the spontaneity. Keep looking, my dear friend, because this one cannot decide; cannot commit.

Answer 8

Marriage is a commitment, I don't see him as being totally commited at this time. By the way my daughter was born on St. Patricks day,

Answer 9

You need to let him go he don't love you like he should, if he loved you like a married man should there would be no doubt in his mind about marrying you. You sometimes have to let go even if its like dying, because it will be tourtue if you spend ur life with somebody that dosen't love u like u love them thats the most hurtful thing ever.

Answer 10

We don't see marriage like women do. To you ladies, it's a very important date and you want it to be perfect. To us men, is a date of progression in a relationship and sometimes, nothing more.