My oldest brother just called and said hes coming over?

Question

my brother allways does this ever two years to all my siblings he finds out wats going on and he comes to see how we'v got along with our lives.
hes alot like my dad so hes hard to impress and i need
some tips on wat to do cuz hes always being extra hard on me like always . and he some how heard that i have a gf and some how he thinks im gonna marry her i probley wont cuz my family wont let me but i need a great way to impress my bro
iv already got a phd and im a male model all at 21 but hes still not impressed i need some tips plz.
hes coming in 2 days.

Answer 1

I'm not good at this psych stuff, but why do you need the approval of your family? I know family is important; but not to the point of you feeling uncomfortable in your own life. You need to stand on your own feet and do what works for you.

Visit with your brother, have fun with him, but don't try to impress him. If he has comments either deal with that by ignoring or letting him know up front that you are not trying to impress him and don't need his approval. After that, just hang out and enjoy his company if you can.

That is of course that you are doing the right things in life - you're not like a druggie or a criminal or anything?

Answer 2

I think your brother might be more impressed with your accomplishments than he is showing. He is probably a little bit jealous. You did not mention what he does for a living or what he has accomplished. But it seems like he is jealous and instead of showing envy he is making you feel bad and making you feel like you haven't done anything impressive. What you have done so far in life is very impressive. As far as the girlfriend thing, tell him you two are just dating but you don't see a marriage anytime in the future with her. The part about you not marrying her because your family won't let you bothers me. You are 21, so they have no say in who you marry. It is your choice. So if you do choose to marry this girl in the future, do so. But just make sure whoever you marry is your choice alone.

Answer 3

Keep it simple and honest. Visit with him more than talk about yourself. If the Q & A are too personal or you don't know the answer, just let him know that. Hes just trying to show he cares about you and if you have a PHD and hes not impressed, He is asking too much of you or his way of pushing you higher up the food chain. I would balk at that a little to be honest. If you just want to endure or enjoy his visit. Try and be a good host and take him to dinner and maybe tour him around town. Give of yourself to the point of enjoyment and not exposure. Don't spill your guts if you don't want to. Share and keep personal and private stuff just that. You don't own family anything except love and support. Maybe its more for his self worth he is visiting you. show you care about him too and show interest in what he is doing as well. If you come from wealth. It might be connected to that. Otherwise. He sounds like a loving and caring person. Don't rear up on him. Enjoy the rare time you have with him. Two years is a very long time. Try and impress him with your open and honest feelings about everything he brings up. You don't have to prove anything. Tell him directly how you feel about his level of approval. It would sour my relationship if the visit became more an evalueation of your worth to him or his oppinion of you. Tell him that too!

Answer 4

I'm for the Leave town answer and leave a note on the door saying "Out to lunch....back in 2 weeks"....but you sound like you really want to impress your brother so here's what you do...clean your house/apartment speck and span...then after that you just have to be yourself..to a reasonable degree. Your brother sounds like a pretty okay dude...he just wants to see how your doing,but then there is always the possiblity he's a little jealous of you and will always find something wrong with you. To almost anything he says you can say "this is just where I am in my life...I'm working things out for myself,I'm fine". Don't stress...your going to give yourself grey HAIRS:p....As for the girlfriend thing I don't suppose you could yell "I'm only 21 let's be serious man" so if he asks about her you can say "yeah I like her/love her but I'm not on that level yet" if he says some crap like you don't have forever say somthing like "its better to wait and be sure than to not wait,get married and then get divorced all in the same year"...

Answer 5

Look you dont need to impress him, AT ALL. He makes you feel insecure and that is something you need to work on. Be yourself, that might impress him more that all the effort you make trying. Relax. Listen to yourself, you wont marry this girl cauz of your family. Family is a great thing, but you need to live your own life. Stop trying to please them and please ;yourself. I'll tell you what, if someone in ;your family wanted to marry somebody and you didnt approve, I'm sure they would do what they; wanted anyways. Live for yourself, you will never be happy if you dont, and be carefull in a relationship, with this attitude you likely to be controlled. Relax, Relax, Relax and be yourself, if they dont like your choices (and they are sound ones for you) oh well, if they love you they will be there no matter what. Put the shoe on the other foot, let your brother try and impress you, and be happy for him, but thats it. Oh yeah, maybe they dont want to get married because of your age, or because your not making your own choices.

Answer 6

i wouldent care about impressing him. why worry about impressing someone who is part of your family? be yourself. he shouldent be able to wrap you around his finger like he does everybody. put up a fight. tell him you dont need him to be going through your life with a fine comb, because you dont do it to him. in the same sense, its none of his business. when he presses, look at him and say "and i suppose you've been having a wonderfull life, considering you cant find anything else to do besides pick through other peoples life like a monkey looking for bugs." if your nervous, this is only further proof he just doesnt need to be snooping around in your life. take control of the situation and do something about it. it sounds like no matter what you do, he'll always feel the same way he does. he's probably just jelous. if anybody has the right to be nitpicking about your life, its your parents. and even then, your not 12. you can make your own descisions.

i know you can do it. you seem like a very responsible person, and dont need someone telling you how to make your life better, who does he think he is, dr. phill? if you ask me, he's just pokeing his nose where it doesnt belong because he thinks its fun to watch you squirm. and right now he's holding you in the palm of his hand. stop being belittled. stop trying to impress those that should accept you for who you are, and not what they think you should be.

Answer 7

You shouldn't have to work to impress your brother...Just think about it do you think he's gonna love you any less just because you don't go those few extra steps to impress him when he comes to visit...He should be happy with all the stuff that you've already accomplished and shouldn't make you feel like you have to work to impress him

Answer 8

You said he comes around like every two years, There is no way I would try to impress him, he should be impressing you.
You seem to have made your way in life, you owe no one an explanation, tell him you will be busy, You probably wouldn't be that rude, spend some time with him he is family, after all, but please don't go out of your way to act differently.

Answer 9

Why do you need to impress him? All you really need is to be happy, not make others proud. By the way, is he a male model with a PHD?

Answer 10

Instead of trying to impress your brother, try being happy with your accomplishments and who you are at this time. You're a grown man. If his visit bothers you that much then sit him down and talk to him about it.