My boyfriends daughter is 7 years old and she is starting to develop an attitude toward me?

Question

She is the only child and is used to getting all of her fathers attention. recently she has started to get a real attitude with me.
For example the other day she asked me if I was going to the jack and jill and she told me that she didn't want me to go and the minute I told her father about it she said she was joking. All of his friends also realized that she is starting to get very smart with her comments. I love his daughter but I really can't take the attitude any more so I had asked my boyfriend to talk to her about it and just let her know that their time together is different than ours but he feels that he doesn't have to. I told him that the longer he babies her the worst of an attitude she is going to get. what should I do?

Answer 1

The daughter wants the father all to herself

You want your boy friend all to yourself

Your boy friend want both his daughter and you at the same time and disregards his daughter and your needs.

Mathematically, I look at the situation and pins the blame on your boy friend, because he is at the center of the problems.

If he doesn't change or realize the issue, it would be better off for you to let go now, rather than later.

Answer 2

You will never be able to get him to see her attitude so don't try. I think you should both talk to her together.That way you can hear for yourself how she feel and why she feels the way she does . Maybe you need to give them some time alone together as well. I have three girls and I am the only girl. A girls dad is very important and so is the time he spends with his daughter. Don't be discouraged just give them a little time together you'll get your time with him and you can understand what she is going through. As far as her attitude it is the only way she can express there is a problem. She is only 7yrs old, and don't know any other way.

Answer 3

Well your boyfriend most certainly has to talk to his daughter. You put it in a very good way, that your time is different than theirs. It is understandable about how she feels but you need your time with him too and you shouldn't have to put up with that. If she treats you like that, then she obviously isn't going to listen if you try and tell her that so it is important to get your boyfriend to do it. The only thing I can think of is just keep trying to talk to him about it and/or point it out to him when she gives you attitude and have him say something to her then. If he's really worth your trouble, he will listen and work things out.

Answer 4

Your boyfriend's daugther is screaming for her father's attention because she sees you as a competitor at this moment. I'd advice you to keep your opinions about the little girl to yourself. In your boyfriend's eyes, his little girl WILL ALWAYS be perfect even though she's starting on her pranks and tantrums. You need to slowly win the girl over with love and LOTS of patience. The strangest thing about kids these days is that they know an awful lot on how to hurt people verbally, but they don't know the intensity of their victims' hurt. STRANGE!!! Let the little girl know that you ARE hurt and ask her how'd she feel if she was in the same situation as you.

Answer 5

please bear in mind this is coming from someone who is extremely confrontational when it comes to disrespect i would force a confrontation in which her and her father are present where you can confront her on her behavior ask if you've done anything to upset her it may take a few days for her to tell you if ever but give it 2-3 days of you being ready to "listen" whatever you do if she does tell you remain calm it will probably sound stupid to you and is probably something you thought nothing about assure her that you aren't upset and are glad she told you then work out a compromise should you need one or let her know you will work on the problem and make sure you do if you don't she wont trust you as much later and will view pointing out whats bothering her as pointless

good luck you'll need it

Answer 6

This issue is very touchy. You need to make sure that you tell your boyfriend about it as well, if there are outsiders seeing this , then he should be able to see it as well. You have to be very disgreet yet sturn when you tell him" you r not taking the disrespect from a 7yo child".If he doesn't understand or if he doesn't advise his 7yo that he is not accepting that from her in reference to you,then it only will be worse for you as time progresses. If the child doesn't understand or believe that her father will stand behind you when it comes to respect matters then she will keep doing it. So, to eliminate the irritation,give him a chance to correct the child,,if he refuses,,,,,Then don't cause yourself anymore lenghty heartache. Tell them both goodbye,until it can be resolved to your satisfaction.

Answer 7

Have a girl to girl talk. Its hard excepting a new woman into your life. I know this first hand. And she feels like by excepting you she is betraying her mother and it really sucks for her right now. To this day I have betrayal issues. You need to talk to her, do things together. Let her know that its not just her father you are interested in. and when they want to do things together, just lay back. Let them have their own time. She will learn to put her guard down and to ease up. But it takes time and it has to be hard to know that with you being in her fathers life, her parents will never get back together. Its like finalizing it all. Give her time and she will learn to ease up.

Answer 8

I had this type of problems with my ex husbands kids when they were small. I had met them when they were 6 and 8. The girl fell in love with me, but was definitely spoiled by her mom. The oldest one, the boy, was just mad that his dad had someone else in his life.

I had gotten to know them in time. It wasn't hard to do since their dad would pick them up, drop them off with me, then leave for most of the weekend, then take them home. I ended up being the parent when they were with us. So, I had to set the rules and enforce them. This worked great when they were small. When they became teens, tho, things changed with the boy. But, there's a lot behind that too.

Anyway, I had my ex talk with the kids often, but nothing ever happened. They didn't ever listen to him, only to me and their mom (and that was rare for them to listen to their mom). They always knew the boundaries, the rules, etc.

Since your husband refuses to talk to your daughter, I suggest that you talk with his daughter. First ask him if he will talk with her with you there, or if he will join in on a talk with her. She NEEDS to know that you are there and are not going to go away. She also needs to know that she HAS to be respectful of you, no matter what. The rules MUST be set, hopefully by both of you and not just one (that way she will see that the two of you are together in this and you aren't in it alone to 'get her'). The rules MUST be enforced by BOTH of you, not just you. If you enforce them and he doesn't then his daughter will put you against each other (believe me, kids know how to do this very well) and get the two of you arguing. Another thing I learned is NOT to argue in front of the kids. If you do, then it takes the power away from the two of you and gives it to her because she wins by getting the two of you to argue and the attention is taken off of her.

I do hope that this helps. Good luck!

Answer 9

when i got my children back from my custody hearing my kids were the exact same way....attitudes and mouths. I had to let them know that it was "unacceptable behavior" to me and bad attitude and mouth was another way to get into trouble. My current boyfriend was just like you in the way he didn't want to discipline my kids thinking that they aren't his he doesn't need to. That soon got cured when my son told me he hated me (hes only 5 years old). My boyfriend got up and actually spanked him and told him that was not acceptable to say and then made him come apologize to me.

My advice is to start discipline now with her. Become her Mom even though its not your responsibility. Someday it might be. And you want to start now then later. If he doesn't like the way you discipline his child then you need to let him know that HE left you with no other choice since he refused to himself.

good luck.

Answer 10

Why not try to see the world from her point of view for a minute? What happened to her mom? Are you taking her dad away from her? Are you going to start acting like her mom? She has a right to have a lot of legitimate concerns about you, and she is going to test you as much as possible. What else would you expect?