need family help please read and advise?

Question

sorry for language
but i just want a way we can have family discussions and not only that, my family doesnt even spend time together i just want family time and a compromising kind of life, and i know this is the time that all teenagers go through but i need advice on how to make stubborn people a little more "family like" and "normal"

not only that, my parents are only together cause of me and that bothers me, they're always fighting and i'm sick of it, and here i am going through all this and i still try to be the "good student" "good daughter" or "good human being in general"


i'm sick of parents making promises,
not keeping them
me gettting mad
them getting mad
yelling at me
my trying to explain why i got mad
they say i'm talking back
and i say "no i'm not"
and then i get in trouble

ITS ALWAYS THE SAME D*** F****** THING!!!!
even when i'm in a happy mood this always comes to my fricken mind
i'm sick of my parents treating me the GOSH DARN FU*** WAY THEY DO

wow, i just want to thank all of you for putting so much time and energy into all your answers (except the first one), i really didnt know which one to pick...i'll try to do ALL the things you've suggested, thank you soooo much, i really mean it! : )

Answer 1

write them a long letter, one for your mum, one for dad and explain everything, it is hard being a teenager and they aren't helping. Be honest with them and see what happens.

Good luck

Answer 2

Hey just stop and think for a moment. Have you ever thought that maybe they are not angry with you but at themselves or at each other? You just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and they overreacted to the situation. Then you put your defenses up to protect your self. Now you have a room full of people who are no longer listening to each other, but instead trying so hard to make their point that nobody is listening to the others point of view. Communication can only be established when you have a sender and a receiver. OK this may seem unfair at first but the next time you feel like you are losing control of your emotions just agree with them. I don't care what argument you are in if you agree with that person that ends the argument. It is very hard to argue with someone when they are agreeing with you. Then when the argument is over and everyone has calmed down. Then ask if you can talk about this so you can tell your side of the issue. Then CALMLY state your side of the problem. Oh believe me this will be much harder to do than say, but by the sounds of things you will have to be the mature one here, that I will agree with you is totally unfair. However we are not aiming for fairness here but instead a happier home.

Answer 3

First... Chill, take a deep breath, calm down.

Your parents being together for you is THEIR problem not yours.

When they start fighting walk out of the room without saying anything and go to the quietest place in your house.

They WILL notice that every time they start fighting you walk out of the room.

Writing them a letter expressing you feelings is probably your best bet. Make two letters one addressed to each one and mail it to them. Don't hand it to them, mail it. When they get it they will realize the time and effort you took to get their attention and tell them what you wanted to say to them.

Ask for a family meeting in your letter that will involve no argueing, fighting, or bickering. Draw up a contract that they both must sign stating that if they do start fighting during the family meeting you will leave the meeting, and they will have to stop the fighting for you to come back.

Be serious about it. If they can't handle it you need to realize that YOU are being the grownup, and they are acting like the children. Being a family councellor this has helped many of the families I have worked with.

You can do this.

If you need any more help with this you can contact me.
[e-mail]

Good Luck,

Answer 4

Sorry to hear about your parents. I am going through the exact same thing so I know how you feel. My mom and dad never spend time together b/c my mom constantly gambles and my dad work. On weekdays my mom would come home and sleep and my dad would miss her. And on weekends my mom would go early in the morning and my dad goes to work the whole day. My dad want to divorce my mom but theyre stayin together for me and my brother and b/c of financial problems. What helps me is talking to my friend/cousin. Do you have anyone that you can talk to?? Maybe close firend/family member or see a couselor? Also don't think about it too much. Preoccupy your time by going out with friends, going to mall etc or get a job. it'll make the problem easier.

Answer 5

Hi there :) I am not a psychiatrist, but until you see the one you're going to see, maybe some advice from somebody who has extensive experience with bi-polar people will help. There are a lot of reasons you might be depressed or bi polar, your psychiatrist can help you pinpoint that and hopefully help, but it sounds to me like your family situation might be adding onto the problem. It's too bad that your mother is not supporting you properly. As family, you should be helping each other through problems even if they are difficult to deal with. It must hurt when your mother acts like this, and I know that can't make things any better for you. Try to keep in mind that she has probably been affected by living with a bi polar husband, and may have some mental emotional issues of her own. Also try to keep in mind that when she says hurtful things it's because SHE has a problem, not you. Granted, you clearly need to seek mental council because of your depression, but your mother should try to help solve your problems with care, not animosity. When people lash out at me, I feel sorry for them. I know they have a problem that causes them to act that way, and I always take these situations with a grain of salt. With all that said, three of the most common ways to combat depression are 1. Setting specific future goals 2. Exercise (yes, this can be tough but it's proven to help tremendously) 3. Make sure you take notice of positive things - Many people who experience depression (though this is general, not necessarily bi polar) tend to only dwell on negatives. If you make a conscious effort to appreciate good things, it can help to balance out the bad.

Answer 6

Do they tell you they are together because of you?
The only thing I can think of is family counseling and if they won't go maybe you could. You really can't make people change.

I went to counseling as an adult, because my dad makes me nuts, and figured out you have to try find the best in people you may not always like them but they'll always be my family

don't know if this helps but good luck , you sound like a good person.

Answer 7

Make your feelings on the subject clear. They really care about you, and if you let them know that a separation or divorce may be better for you than their staying together unwillingly, they will work something out that makes everyone happy. Call a family meeting and make everyone throw their feelings out on the table. Be stubborn if you have to; it's your life and your emotions that are at stake, and your parents should know how badly this is affecting you.

Best of luck.

Answer 8

It may be difficult for you, but don't expect your parents to keep their promises. Don't get me wrong, they should keep promises, or not make them. They're people just like you, and sometimes people have no idea what others are going through. There may be something going on that you don't know about, and they're dealing as best they can (even if it seems really f'd up and they're taking it out on the closest person - you). Things like bankruptcy, health, chemical dependencies, bill collectors all over their asses, really crappy or stressful job, I don't know. Life can be really tough. Everybody goes through times where things just seem messed up. My longest time was about four or five years, and it seems like it might finally get better (not yet though). I wasn't going to answer, but I could just tell how frustrated you are. There are people out there that know what you're going through, and actually care.

Answer 9

wow.. you need to sit down and talk to them and don't just sit down and start talking with out thinking and maybe writing down before hand what you want to say so you don't get sidetracked and they'll see that what your talking about is important to you. Don't be afraid to tell them you want them to get a divorce, that them just staying together for you is making you miserable.. My parents did the same for me and I wish now that I am in my 20's and look back that I sat them down and told them what I really felt inside maybe that would have saved me years of hating to be at home due to the fighting.. The odd thing is my mom says that if I would have just been honest with her back then, things prob would have been different she thought she was doing the best thing for me.. they aren't going to know how you feel if you don't tell them.. and dont' do it when you guys are all fighting nobody listens when everyone is mad at the other person.. I know how you feel hang in there and always stand for what you want and feel..

Answer 10

It would seem that the two of them can't see past their own problems, in order to give you the attention you need at this time in your life. Maybe they are so absorbed in their issues that they don't have time for yours.
It happens in 'family's' when the parents aren't in a happy relationship, and their anger isn't caused by you, but caused by their own frustrations that they have with each other and being in a relationship they don't want to be in.
I could advise you to maybe get one of your parents out on their own, just for a day or so, and take them to a really quiet spot, and tell them what it is you feel, or what you see is happening. Sometimes it can help, but sometimes it doesn't.
Don't take their 'ineptness' as one of your problems, because it isn't. Just think about maybe one day you'll be out of there, on your own, taking care of yourself, and hopefully you'll get into a really good relationship that has good communication, consideration, respect, and lots of love.
Maybe I could tell you that you might want to check into an Alateen visit. It's for teens that are having difficulty's at home, with parents, and they try to help you understand it all.
Hope this helps.......

Answer 11

That really sucks. Can you suggest that you and your parents all go to counselling together? It sounds like maybe a third party could calm things down a bit so you can explain how you feel without your parents getting all uptight. Good luck!