ok...so heres the plan...my bf is leaving for the air force in a few months, and then, next year im going up there to see him, and we are planning on getting married (at the justice of the peace)...we want to be married asap, but are kinda young....we know we wont have the $ for a big wedding for quite a while...so we were thinking we could go get tie the knot at the justice of the peace at first...so that i can live on base w/ him...and then saving $ so we can have a big wedding w/ lots of friends and family later when we have the $.....so im wondering if anyone has ever done that before??..and if you have...how did your family react?....and if youve never expierienced this...what do you think about it...? how do you think your family would react?
2006-07-31 14:45:04 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
You are taking away one of the biggest joys in your parents lifes. How do you think your father is going to feel when he doesnt get to walk his daughter down the isle? And your mother not getting to help you with wedding plans. You will never know or understand how that will hurt them till you have kids of your own. I think you are being selfish and showing how immature you are. If you are that much in love what is wrong with waiting. If you are already married why would you have a wedding later? You want people to buy you gifts and celebrate your wedding day after you have already been married? Save your money and do it right the first time. What is a wedding? Isnt it a gathering of your family and friends to show the love you and your husband to be have for each other. If you are running off to the justice of the peace to get married, doesnt that tell you something is wrong. You have a year to save your money and make plans to include your family and friends. Doesnt have to be anything big or anything fancy. As long as the ones that are closet to you are there to share the day with you.
2006-07-31 14:58:24 · answer #1 · answered by Mom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I married when I was in the military. We had the same intentions as you. We never did get the big wedding that we planned on. I would be more worried about you wanting to get married so young and so quickly. When I got married, I was very young as well. My family was supportive but were disappointed because I didn't have a regular wedding and that I was too young. They tried to make the best of it though. My marriage didn't last because we were too young and we grew up and matured in different directions. You should really ask yourself what the big hurry is to get married and make sure that you are doing the right thing. I think that I feel better in the fact that you are waiting until next year to do this.
2006-07-31 22:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by Josh P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't do that, but my parents did, when my father was in the military. What's really more important than how big the wedding is and how fancy it is, is that you want to spend your lives together, and that you love each other.
Your idea of having a big wedding party later, after the small official ceremony, is a good one. I don't know how your family will react, but I'd bet they'd understand, and I'd bet they'd look forward to the large late wedding party just the same.
Compare your situation to that of couples who live together unmarried and then get married in a big wedding (which is very common). Your situation is similar but better than that, because for the time you live together before the big ceremony, your relationship will have been officially committed.
Congratulations and I hope you both have a long and happy life and marriage!
2006-07-31 21:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I married with the Justice of the Peace, and my wifes parents did the same (and have been married for 24 years). If you ask me, it does not matter where or how you get married. So many people focus on that one day - when the matter of much greater importance is what happens after that day, and for the rest of your lives. I have even heard of people going into debt for their marriages, that is just rediculous. Whether you have a huge marriage, or with the JOP - there is no correlation to how successful your union will be. Actually, it is my personal belief, that the bigger the wedding it is, the shorter the actual marriage is. Don't become one of those people who thinks that the day has to be perfect, and forget that it is only one day of thousands that you will spend with your partner. Don't expect it to change your relationship either - the commitment should be there FIRST, and the marriage is just a vehicle to announce it to the public.
As for your family - they will support you if this is what you want to do. If they don't, you are an adult (I hope), and you can make your own decisions.
2006-07-31 21:54:52 · answer #4 · answered by Christopher B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We did it 18 years ago and haven't regretted it. A "big" wedding doesn't make it any more special than a "small" one with just family and a couple friends. I went to his AIT (school) on Sunday, applied for the license on Monday and waited our 5 days. He got out of class at noon on Friday and we went to the JP and got married. My parents and his mother came up a day prior. I carried my dress, shoes, champagne glasses and so on, on the plane so I knew I at least had them. It was wonderful and we still cherish the memories. However, due to military obligations and NEVER having the money, we've never gotten remarried. In fact, we haven't even had a honeymoon. I had to get back to work after the weekend, so I went home. He graduated AIT a couple weeks later and went to Germany. Maybe we had a 3 year honeymoon over there.
Enjoy, be happy and good luck!!
P.S. Even in the Air Force, military life can be tough....love each other and stay strong.
2006-07-31 22:19:31 · answer #5 · answered by HEartstrinGs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We didn't do a justice of the peace, but we did a VERY SMALL ceremony at a church (less than 10 people there). I think some of our relatives were a little disappointed, but it wasn't like it broke their hearts. Later, the families threw us a "reception" of sorts with an actual wedding cake, arranged for us to get pictures taken of me and my husband (he in a suit, me in a borrowed wedding dress), etc. So I think they felt something special should be done.
I personally think that spending a lot of money on a wedding is a waste. Depending on how young you are, I might say you should be careful of not rushing into anything. But I don't regret not going into debt for our wedding. I wouldn't mind having had a little more, but no way would I spend tens of thousands of dollars for one day!
2006-07-31 21:53:05 · answer #6 · answered by Kiki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my buddy did the same thing. Culturally its kinda tacky to get married then get married again. Anydangway, why have a huge expensive wedding? All the ones ive been to have a huge ceremony lasting a long freaking time, and i guarantee all the men in the room are there for the food afterward. they go through all kinds of stuff like lighting candles and a young boy with a pillow with a ring taped to it has a tantrum in the back. the best man attempts to flirt with the maid of honor over the preacher's head, flower girl ends up dumping a pile of dead rose petals in the aisle, kids cutting up, somebody brings their newborn baby, who craps its pants and cries right when the ceremony gets to the good part, one of the bridesmaids decides shes not going to wear the rental shoes that are just like the other's and shows up in really tacky pink jelly flip flops, etc. my advice is to wait a bit longer on the mariage and do the wedding right the first time instead of having two. and dont bother with all the extra un-necesary junk. your wedding is a religious ceremony and a covenant, not a beauty pageant or comedy extravatganza.
2006-07-31 22:00:33 · answer #7 · answered by Stand-up Philosopher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are already married by a Justice of the Peace, the marriage has begun. To have another wedding is inappropriate and comes off as asking for people to give you gifts. Also, by that time, you'll probably be pregnant, so why not just have a big baby shower & invite your friends to that?
2006-07-31 21:53:16 · answer #8 · answered by sweetsinglemom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!! It's either Deja' Vu or you know my life. It's very likely you guys will not be able survuve the year apart with your "boyfriend" in the Air Force, much less that you will have a big fancy wedding. If you're young, you are both better off waiting to marry until you don't have to worry about being apart so much. Trust me. I'm in the Army and I've seen many couples fall apart after just months of seperation. WAIT!!
2006-07-31 21:51:32 · answer #9 · answered by chinoster_7u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U can have a nice wedding without spending a ton of money...that's what i did...I made alot of the stuff with help from family and friends. It had to be moved up 2 months b/c hubby got orders earlier then we thought......However i have quiet a few friends that had the same plans as u and most of them have never had the wedding and...... have now gave up all hope of having one at all..
2006-07-31 23:12:37 · answer #10 · answered by Julie W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋