Should I let a picky eater go to bed hungry? See details please?

Question

My 28 month old son has decided in the last week or so that he's not interested in dinner...at all. About a month ago, he stopped eating all vegetables except for creamed corn, now he's decided he doesn't want to eat dinner, period. I've stopped giving him an afternoon snack, but that doesn't work. By the time I get home from work, he's so crabby and cranky I can't deal with him while I cook dinner, so I give him a small (very small) snack to tide him over. He sits at the table and screams, "ALL DONE ALL DONE!" and shrieks and cries. I've heard that it's not good to force a child to eat if they're not hungry, so I don't. A few hours later, at bedtime, he's hungry. Should I make him go to bed without eating, take him out to the table and try to give him his dinner again, or give him a snack? HELP!

Answer 1

I have worked with toddlers for a long time, and if there is one thing I know about them, it is that they are SMART. At his age, your son is definitely testing you to see what the boundaries are and how far you will bend. Mealtimes is one of the biggest fights a toddler will pick... what to eat, how much to eat, where to eat, if they eat... it could go on forever. As the mom, your job is to provide nutritious foods for meals and snacks at YOUR specified times. That's it. It is your toddler's right to eat or not to eat. They get to decide how much, and if they want to eat. Some days your kid will eat everything, including stuff they've never tasted before. Other days, they'll eat nothing. It is their choice. You have done your job of providing a time and a meal... they can then choose whether to eat what you have served or not to. Don't feel guilty if your little one says later on that he is starving- you offered the food at the appropriate time, and he needs to learn that those are the times food is offered for eating. Too often I see parents whose children graze all day, never sitting for a meal, or who throw fits for food when dinner is all done, or mom is in the kitchen making 5 different meals for all the kids. Offer what you are having (or a reasonable meal for your child's age) and leave it at that. You won't harm him and he is smart enough not to starve himself. Both of my own daughters have gone to bed choosing not to eat their dinner at the time it was served, and they are alive and healthy today. At preschool, our same philosophy works. You can't force someone to eat, but you can encourage and offer the foods. I definitely recommend that if you do decide to let him try at the table again after everyone else is done, that you give the exact same plate of foods again. If he is hungry, he will eat it. If he doesn't eat, he probably isn't really that hungry after all. Making him a separate, different meal will not solve the problem in the long run... sure, it will stop his whining now, but you have just started yourself a cycle of catering to his wishes. Bottom line... he won't starve himself, and if you monitor what he eats for about a month, you will see that he is getting adequate nutrition overall.

Answer 2

Make sure that all the snacks he is having are healthy foods like a cut-up apple, a half of peanut butter sandwich, raisins, peanuts--anything that could reasonably be "food" in case he doesn't eat anything else.

Don't force him to eat his dinner, but do force him to sit politely at the table while everyone else eats. If he screams, don't let him win by letting him get down. You must insist that he sit politely, and you MUST outlast him. It might be a battle for a few days, but as soon as he realizes that he can't win, he will stop (and he will be a much more pleasant dinner companion.) Once that battle stops, you will be more able to tell is he just isn't hungry or if he is anxious to get on to other things.

If he doesn't eat his dinner, don't make a big deal about it. Just wrap it up in the fridge for later. If he gets hungry later, pull out that same dinner again (heat it up if you want to), set him back up to the table and offer him dinner. If he is really hungry, he will eat. (He won't starve if he doesn't.) If he wakes up hungry in the night, he gets offered the same dinner. If others in the family have dessert after dinner, still offer only that original plate of food. Don't be mean or unkind--just be matter of fact. You are not punishing him for not eating dinner, you are just doing the logical thing--offering healthy food over snacks and desserts.

The goal isn't to get him to eat the whole plate of food, but to eat a little bit of each thing on the plate and to do so without making a big fuss. If you are firm and consistent and you outlast him, eventually he will become the kind of eater he needs to be to help him grow into a healthy adult. Keep that in mind. You can do it!

Answer 3

My son started doing the same thing about that age. It certainly won't hurt him to go to bed hungry. What I did was give him the supper he didn't eat earlier. Not a snack or anything else. If he was truly hungry he would eat it...if not he got nothing else. I still do that now and my son will be 4 in a few weeks. He has gone to bed a couple of nights without eating anything, but he makes up for it with a really good breakfast in the morning.

Answer 4

Do not make eating a power struggle. He must sit at the table during dinner, and you should have food that he likes available to eat. If he chooses not to eat, fine. Do not show frustration or negative emotion. Only praise those people that are eating and talk about how wonderful the food is to eat. If he wants a snack at bedtime, he could eat a nice bowl of healthy cereal or toast with milk. (Mother of 6)

Answer 5

My son (two in October) does the same thing. I have an older son who is 8 that did the same thing as a toddler. I caved in and started allowing him to drink Pediasure. It's not a good idea. He started depending on those drinks and he almost stopped eating entirely! I eventually broke him of the liquid diet and started making him eat. I would end up making him go to bed without dinner of it came to it. He's a healthy young man now. It seems to be more common in boys (at least my boys) and they do grow out of it. It always happens right before a huge growth spurt.

Answer 6

As soon I am writing this (it always happens) my little guy will do the opposite. HE'S A GOOD EATER. 16 months and lately doesn't want to eat either. We keep trying different things he likes, and now have to squeeze his cheeks to open his mouth so he'll try it. He then wants more. That first mouthful is hard though, seems forceful to do, but he then eats good. I agree with alotofquestions that since they cannot communicate as we do that but he/she would let you know in some way (that we parents learn to decode about our children) what they want. IT FEELS HORRIBLE PUTTING HIM TO BED WITH NO FOOD, WHEN HE STARTS TO STAND IN THE KITCHEN AND CRY WITH THE LIGHTS OUT BEFORE BED but... breakfast is not far away. Pancakes in the morning!

Answer 7

Having raised so many children that I no longer try to count them, I say never let the child win when it comes to meal times. The other side of that coin is that the child’s meal times need to be consistent. You cannot expect a two-year-old to be ready for dinner at 6 P.M. one evening and wait until 8 P.M. the next evening. Not only is that unhealthy, it also fails to train the child’s body when to expect meals.

As far as the menu goes, allow him to eat what he likes, but insist that he eat vegetables and other items he may wish to push to the side. The thing about not forcing babies to eat food that they do not wish to eat stops once you know if the food makes them sick. An infant may spit out spinach, refusing to eat it, and that is a good sign not to force him. A toddler that speaks, however, is a different story. By this age, you know if the food makes him sick, and he most likely tells you he does not like it. Do not force him to eat as much as everyone else, but encourage him to taste it. Sometimes preparing the same thing in a different way is enough to get a kid to try something they claim not to like. I still dislike the taste of soggily cooked carrots, but I love the taste of lightly steamed or raw carrots. One of my nephews has the same tastes when it comes to carrots. (It must be genetic.)

When you get home from work and begin cooking dinner, if your child needs something to tide him over until dinner, give him something that is a part of the meal. Tell him that little bit has to keep him until you serve dinner. Enforce that rule firmly. Even if he does not eat, he needs to sit at the table with the rest of the family. Encourage him to participate in conversation with the rest of the family and try to make meal times relaxed and fun. If you have older children, enlist their help by having them ask you to excuse them from the table after they finish their meal. Be prepared for a lot of resistance as you teach your toddler the rules of the house. Make sure you are ready for the fits and crying, as they will surely happen. Know going into this that you must remain calm, strong, and firm.

As you probably already know, just-before-bed snacks do not make for the best friend when trying to potty train. He needs to finish the last snack or drink at least one hour before bed. Keep all last-snack-of-the-day low in calories and non-sugary. Finally, about fifteen minutes before bedtime, make sure he brushes his teeth for one full minute. (Using a timer worked great for us over the years.) At his age, he can understand the logic of not eating after bedtime teeth brushing.

When you encounter the fits and screaming, do your best not to react in kind. If he still uses a high chair, ignore him. Turn up the radio, turn on the blender, run the garbage disposal, or even sing loudly with a huge smile on your face. In no time, he will get the picture and understand that you will not give into tantrums.


Will D
Enterprise AL
http://www.notagz.com

Answer 8

I'm a Mom of 4 and I found that no child will starve and giving in a little never hurts either. I would rather have them sleep well at night without a hungry tummy then send them to bed hungry. As they grow up...they will try the things that we want them to try...believe me. Mine range from 20 years old to 7.

Answer 9

I would find out the one food(s) that he does like and just give him them until he gets a little older and it's easier to get them to eat stuff you want them too.

Maybe no matter how much he cries or anything don't give him a snack of anything before supper. If he bothers you during supper then just put on music and block him out or if you have a gate put it up and have him stay in his room or in another room of the house.

Answer 10

You could give him something before bed but make sure it's something healthy, like carrot sticks or something. As he gets older though and can understand, I would enforce a "kitchen's closed" rule where there will be no more food after dinner time. And certainly no dessert if the dinner isn't eaten. Works for me.