How do I cheer my Mum up?

Question

She's been in hospital since May and is very depressed.
She has had three operations on her hip and is due a fourth one mid August.
I went to see her today - I try and go as often as I can but finances restrict my visits as it's a 120 mile round trip and I can't afford to travel as often as she'd like me to.
I have explained this to her but she see's it as me abandoning her - which I'm not.
How can I cheer her up and make her see that I love her.
It seems that everything I do or say is misconstrued and turned around. I have come away from her today feeling quite worthless. I know I've always disappointed her and now I feel even worse.


Help.

Answer 1

Seeing as she's in hospital..make her a scrapbook of photos and stories from when you were a kid, and special occasions. Write her a special letter telling her how she means to you. While she is in hospital she's probably feeling tired and unkempt, why dont you arrange for a beautician to come in and give her a manicure or something so she feels special again. Just tell her that you love her, and support her completely.

Answer 2

Hi Trish, Let's get your mom happy!

quote

"It seems that everything I do or say is misconstrued and turned around. I have come away from her today feeling quite worthless. I know I've always disappointed her and now I feel even worse".

Let's get one thing straight. You are not worthless and never will be. You may think that you have disappointed you mom with certain things that you may have done or said over the years but listen, at the end of the day, this is your mom and she loves you very much. Don't be so hard on yourself over this. 120 miles is a long haul so I congratulate you on you efforts so far. I think the answer to your initial question has already been fullfilled Trish, Just by being there with your mom will cheer her up, even if she doesn't acknowledge it, Believe me, she knows.

Keep your chin up and and keep Smiling!

Clive Jenkins

Alzheimers Help | Mental Illness Advice
http://www.alzheimershelponline.com

Answer 3

I know this sounds crazy, but go to the dollar store and buy lots of get well cards - thinking of you cards - "just because" cards. Go ahead and address the envelopes and stamp them. Then - every day send her a card with a short note in it. Remember some of the fun things you have done with your Mom in the past. Thank her for taking care of you when you were younger. Tell her all the things that are in your heart - that maybe you feel would be too mushy to tell her in person.

I'm not talking huge letters - just a little note in a card every day. Let her know she is not forgotten, and you wish you could see her more often.

Go to a Walmart, Target,etc - find an inexpensive hand-held poker game, or solitare game, or slot game - something for you to take to her the next time you go see her. Put it in a basket along with a few snacks, hard candies, gum, a crossword puzzle book, novel, joke book, magazines, a deck of cards - something for her to pull out once you have left, and keep herself occupied.

I know - I have had a couple of long hospital stays (one over the holidays), and that is one of the loneliest/depressing times for someone. Also - just the dread of having another operation is probably weighing heavily on her mind right now. So anything that can help her get her mind on to something more cheerful would be appreciated.

As a last resort - talk to your mom's doctor or even the R.N on your mom's ward and let them know what you suspect. Maybe they don't know how down she is.

And always remember this - she may feel like she can only let all this bad stuff out to someone she trusts (you). You are not worthless. Hang in there. Remember - your Mom loves you.

Answer 4

You obviously care for her. Make sure your finances are really that tight, could you afford giving anything up. If not, which is the case for many of us, don't feel guilty, it won't help you or her. I hate to put things up to ideals, but if she were a really good mom she would understand. If she is gravely ill, you really must find a way to be with her. If she will get through, then send cards often or whatever you can do. A mother that loves her children goes through allot of emotions. Forgive her if she is being selfish, if she has really been there for you, but don't punish yourself if she is just being insensitive. As a mom I will feel the need of my child loving me, but as a mother my child comes first. She did not choose me, I chose her so the responsibility is more on the parent than the child. You are on the right track, step back, ask advice, but go with your gut. When my mom died, and she was not the best mom, I lost the one person who in spite of her flaws, really loved me. I miss her terribly even though she hurt me allot. I hope you can be true to yourself and her, but it is not an easy thing to do. My best wishes to you.

Answer 5

It seems as if you talked with her over the phone.

Well the best thing would be to pay her a visit if possible.
If you haven't tried it maybe you can send her a letter or a card explaining your true feelings for her. Show her that you are very sincere and concerned for her.

Sometimes it's hard for people to communicate in speech without getting into arguements, no matter how close they are. But if she's your mother she will always love you even if it's not expressed in a way that's obvious.

Answer 6

Omg thats like my mom! :( I certainly furnish her texts throught the daylike love u or have an wonderful day, or humorous fml's(she's cool like that) simply by very reality she's continuously so depressed I turn on my raido and make her dance! Haah or employ a humorous dvd and function a movie nighttime. laughing is the perfect drugs!, ahha and quicker or later on ur way domicile from college end off and get her some plant existence , continuously keep ur room sparkling and are not stepping into **** atschool! <3xo each and each and every and all the perfect hun. Be her proper pal, simply by very reality a moms young ones are the purely ones who keep her alive <3

Answer 7

My mom was in the hospital for about a month and then in bed at home for about 2 months last summer. It emotionally grained her as well. I went to visit her as often as I could, but she was still lonely. Maybe you could buy a cheap recorder and sing her a song, or say a little message that she could listen to.

Answer 8

make her a photo album/ scrapbook of fun family events with little personal notes...keep a diary of funny things you'd normally phone her to tell her about...send some flowers/chocs/balloons to her on the ward with a note telling her you're thinking about her.

Just remember she is feeling depressed and frustrated and lashing out at the only person she can...'you always hurt the ones you love' springs to mind.

Hope this helps and wish her 'get well soon' from me

Answer 9

Hey i think your doing your best, your mum will know this too, its not your fault your restricted to visits its the funding, but you know you can get help with this, ask about it at your council office they will be able to help you with fares to visit your mum. And you know your mum will soon be better, and she will be grateful to you for all your help, and support, dont worry, make your mum happy by doing what you can, your a star now, by being so helpful be a brighter star and be strong for ya mam. Good on you, life will get better my sweet.

Answer 10

my mum is just out of hospital and she was in for well it felt like ever for both of us but in all she was in for 4 weeks... as your mum mine was very down as well.. one day i had booked her in with a woman that came in to the hospital only a few days a week to do hair and all that.... so i asked her if she would my mums hair.. nails... eyebrows... all the girly things it made her feel fab

if your hospital does not do this try a mobile hairdresser and fill her in on your mum if i was a mobile hairdresser and heard your story how could you say no