Help with discipline.?

Question

Since spanking is considered abusive,now and time outs don't work and kids just tune you out when you talk ----How are you supposed to discipline?

children are 9 and five year old twins. They back talk. I don't give them what they want but the whining and screaming is out of control.

Answer 1

My kids are 7.5 years, 5.5 years and 3.5 years old.

Some of the things that we do in our house.....

"Service"
If you hurt someone else or you damage someone else's property, then you are "in service" to that person for the rest of the day. My kids *hate* this consequence and will do just about anything to avoid it. If you are in service to someone, you must help and serve them for the rest of the day. If you hurt them, help make them better. If we go out, get them their shoes and jacket. Pick up after them. Do their share of chores. Bring them their PJ's. Etc.

We have a stoplight system. Every child starts the day on green. If they do something wrong, they can be moved to yellow on the first offense and red on the second offense. If you are on red at dinner, you don't get dessert.

Logical consequences.
If you fight over a toy or don't take care of a toy, you could lose the toy. If you get caught playing with your Gameboy instead of doing your homework, you lose the Gameboy. If you are caught sneaking candy, you don't get any dessert. Etc.

Loss of privledges. Loss of Gameboy, computer, TV, reading or storytime at bedtime, etc.

Answer 2

I am a positive reinforcer. My children get a sticker for every hour they behave. For every sticker it equals that many minutes on the x-box, t.v., or computer. After a week of so many stickers, we go to Target and get something out of the dollar bin, get to go to Cold Stone for a treat, etc. Anything that motivates you kids is where to go. Things get taken away too, for instance, if they only earn one star, it is only 5 minutes on the TV, which the kids figure out real quick isn't a long time. They don't argue with me very much about this though because they know that they were the reason why they didn't get a lot of time. Sometimes it means that the x-box is taken away for the week. But there are times when a spank may be warranted. Spanking isn't necessarily considered abusive if it is done with love and is warranted. There are a lot of great books about discipline. Not all work solutions work for every parent. Positive reinforcement gives the children a way to get positive attention rather than negative.

Answer 3

My nephew has O.D.D or otherwords known as brat, but I found that some tactics I would use is putting the childs nose to a wall and making them sit there and say nothing and if they talk back add time to how long they have to sit with their nose to the wall and eventually they will stop or simply take things alway from them they like, such as toys for a good amount of time until their behavior has improved. Sometimes even soap in the mouth can help, because no one likes that and yet its not physical abuse.
Its just unpleasant. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Spanking with an open hand is not abuse, as long as you are not hurting the child severly and leaving marks. Everyone has their own thoughts on discipline, you have to decide what methods work for you.

Answer 5

I would take the belt to those kids. A couple wacks on the butt with the belt is not abuse. i spank my kids and proud of it. (only when i have to)

You need to be consistant and not give in to anything. Kids like to see how far they can go and how much they can get away with. and since you have twins thats double trouble. CONSISTANCY is KEY. Take things away from them one by one and if need be throw it away if it comes to that. if it is expensive then throw it away in front of them and take it out when they are not looking. you have to be firm. you don't have to be mean or evil just be the parent (your the boss)

Answer 6

i spank (not beat ) mine and they are very well behaved kids i have been told so repeatedly as long as you praise good behavior as well i have 4 ages 3 4 9 11 the thing is you have to be VERY consistent same punishment for same bad behavior i.e. if you spank for back talk first time then every time

Answer 7

When they do something wrong, give them a warning ("next time you put your feet on the couch, you will be sent to your room for the night without dessert"). Then, ask them who's CHOICE it is whether or not they go to their room for the night. They'll say you, and you respond that no, it's their own choice whether or not they put their feet on the couch and have to go to their room. Make them responsible for their actions.

I understand that there often isn't time for this conversation to occur. But if you can sneak in this "responsibility talk" a few times, they should start to get it and remember.

Answer 8

Spanking your kids for discipline is not abusive as long as u dont take it over board and spank them until browsers show now thats abusive.

Answer 9

Put them in time out. it is a minute for there age and add a minute if they back talk, cry, anything that shows that they don't like what you are doing.

Answer 10

I use the LOVE AND LOGIC system. I love it. makes parenting easier. Not hassle free,,,,,just a little easier.

what I do for my 12 year old son:

let's say I told my son to take out the garbage. Instead, I caught him playin on his playstation. I DO NOT remind him that it is his job to take out the garbage. he knows. what I do is take it out myself, and then when he finally comes in and says, who took out the garbage. I say: Ya know kiddo, I am soooooo tired from taking out the garbage, I quess we can't go to the ball field tonight. or sometimes I will say, kiddo, since I had to take time out of my afternoon to take out the garbage, You can do the laundry for me tonight. For me, it generally works. he knows his laziness isn't going to pay off!!!!!


you can only use this on things that he knows are expected of him. you can't lay on a new chore and then do this. once the chore is established, go for it.