I really really really need help. I'm SO confused. I'm 14 years old and recently my mom and I ...?

Question

...have been fighting a lot. Not fistfights, just words. In the end, she is always right. I hate it SO much. I'm already 14 and I hate it. So, a few weeks ago, we made a deal; whenever we got mad, she would allow me to go to my room to "cool off". Then, after we were all hyper-angry at each other, we could work things out slowly and easily. Unfortunately, last time my mom and i had a fight, she was so pissed off that she didnt let me cool off; she just kept yelling at me over and over and over againfor at least 3 hours. Then, I got so pissed that I just said that my attitude (angry and yelling attitude) was ok to say to parents. Now my mom is stressed and freaking pissed at me and going to get a surgery next month (planned months ahead for her stomach problem). Nos she is telling my bro that because she is stressed, she might die. now my br ois angry at me. i feel this is all stupid. i have had many motions of just shooting myself and just end it once and for all. please help.

Answer 1

Hey. A lot have already answered, and I don't know if you'll see this, but I'll write it anyway...

I'm a single mom of a 15-year-old son and we fight, and he loses his cool and I lose mine. I did the same with my mother at that age, too. It's completely NORMAL. The fact that you are able to argue without resorting to violence is already a credit to you, and to her for how she's raised you. Be proud of that.

Yes, it's frustrating to realize you're wrong after an argument, but we parents were once kids, and while you might think things are very different now, they really aren't. So we speak from experience and because we love you, we want you to learn from us rather than making the same mistakes we did and learning things the hard way.

Also realize that your mom is stressed out and worried. Even though her surgery is a planned one, there are still many concerns that come up. But mostly her stress is because of all the "what if" questions in her head -- NOT because of you. She's just worried about if something goes wrong and what would happen to you kids and all that goes through a grown-ups head all the time, but especially when facing something like surgery.

Because she is on edge, she forgot your agreement, and in a way she took her stress out on you. So please don't take it personally -- just realize that her "fuse" is extra-short right now, and you and your brother should be extra good and helpful over the next few months until she has a full recovery.

These emotions you're feeling right now in the heat of the moment are also pretty common, the main thing is that you've reached out for help. Give yourself a few moments to cool off -- you know that you are a good person and that you have lots to offer the world one day, so harming yourself would only make things worse, rather than better.

Once your mood has stabilized, go apologize to your mom for upsetting her (even if you don't feel you were really wrong this time), and express that you understand that she has a lot on her mind right now. Tell her that you're worried about her, and that you want to know if there's anything you can do to help.

If you find that the feeling of hurting yourself keeps coming up, then you should find someone to talk to. There are a lot of resources for teens on the web, in addition to telephone hotlines and support groups. Sometimes just realizing that you are not alone is helpful, and I hope you realize from the number of answers here that many of us have felt what you are feeling.

Like I said before -- you can be proud of yourself. You are smart and articulate, plus you are emotionally secure enough that you don't resort to violence in an argument and you were able to reach out in a time of personal crisis. I have confidence that in time you'll be just fine, despite life's ups and downs -- so keep your chin up!

Answer 2

Tell you what bro, I went through exactly the same thing at exactly the same age.

It lasted until I was 18 when the hormones finally settled down a bit. She'd get mad at me and light my fuse then we'd have a big old fight after which I'd end up feeling guilty because I knew she was right most of the time and I'd hurt her emotionally.

I thought about ending it as well because noone could understand how I felt, or so it seemed at the time.

Time is your friend in this matter and if you hold on tight and don't burn your bridges you'll be able to come back ina few years and things will be cool between you guys. You may even get to a point where she's a closer friend than anyone else and someone you can confide in.

If you need to burn some steam get out, or get a good online FPS game or something where you can lay waste to eveything and burn some of that anger off.

In the end you'll be glad you held out. I thought my life pretty much sucked at 14 and would never get better, but 4 years looking back is nothing but a breath and a sigh.

The fact that you're even looking at this intelligently says you're better than most guys.

Answer 3

Hey there, Mom would be very devestated if she lost you no matter how mad or stressed you think she is. As for getting upset just go to your room on your own next time and tell her through the door that Mom your mad and so am I, please give me a minute. She may have forgotten the deal you and her made. The way I did it with my Mom was tell her that she was right and I am sorry and walked away. But thats just me, it may work for you or something else may work for you. You are just 4 years away from being an adult, making your own decisions and of course your own mistakes and thinking damn Am I ever going to get a break, you will trust me. Your life is priceless and you should treat it that way, how does bro put up with it, the answer you seek is right in front of you, but it is NOT in the form of a gun. You can always go to a local church and speak to a pastor about your feelings, I am sure talking to some one would help, just to get it out will help. Take care of Mom and good luck.

Answer 4

You and your mother have had 1 of many fights you will have for several years! First off, please don't scream at your mom, it only makes her more furious. Your only 14, it will happen again and again, whether you want it to or not. You will constantly disagree, it's nature and just the way things work! My 13yr old and I don't get along all the time and neither will you and your mom. One of you will have to take the anitiative and apologize, admit you were wrong, whether you want to or not! Your mom is trying to raise you the best she knows how. She doesn't want you to make the same mistakes that she did. You have to remember, it's not easy being a parent, you want your children to grow up and have fun and have the perfect teenage years, but in the same respect, we want them to learn from their teenage years and not make the same mistakes that we did! I'm sorry U and your Mom got into a fight, but don't leave it that way. Yes, she's being spiteful, saying the things that she is saying, but this is just her way of handling it or getting your attention. Be the bigger person and admit you might have gone 2 far! Also, my 13 yr old sys the same thing you r saying, but really think about it! Is it really what you want to do? Leave your mom and your brother. Trust me, after you lose one of them, you won't feel the same way anymore. Everone has problems and no one, no one has a perfect life--we all live and learn. This is just a tough time that you will have to learn from, as sucky as it may sound! I hope things get better for you and your family. You need to learn to let it out, speak your mind and let it go. Don't linger on things. Good Luck!

Answer 5

You said it yourself, your mom is always right. She has lived and learned more than you have, so that should not come as a surprise.
As a mother, it is very understandable that stress could get so bad that it takes its toll on a person physically. Some people get ulcers, some people have a nervous breakdown, some just leave.
Please understand this. Your mom loves you so much that she is there for you, she is putting up with your adolescence because she loves you so very much. Try to be understanding. If you apologize to her for partly causing her stress, she will appreciate the fact that you've even thought about it. And, for the love of your mother, do not take your own life. That will truly kill her inside, because all that she's gone through for you will have been for nothing. And her life will be harder without you, whether you know it or not.

Answer 6

I would say that YOU have a problem. YOU need to change your behavior, sonny boy!!! You need counseling really bad! But, if that is impossible then you had better go to the book store and buy a book on functional relationships. You are headed for having your teenage years being a very miserable experience. Take the high road.......is anything worth this??? I was a hospice nurse at one time and all I saw was people dying and the agony that their families suffered. I cannot tell you how many of them wanted to go back and do things differently with those they loved. Change now......you are just a punk.....believe it or not, parents do have quite a bit more knowledge than you think they have. Surprise her.......be a nice Kid......it will get you much further with your mom and in life in general!

Answer 7

It sounds like your mom needs to be around less stress due to her stomach problem, and she is probably feeling stressed too and that isn't helping with your fights. Are the fights over things that are important and really worth fighting for? It is important that you let your mom know that even when you fight, you are angry about what is happening but that you still love her and important for you to know that even if she is angry with you, she still loves you. Her health is important right now, so let her get through surgery and try to help out as much as you can. If you feel like you are going to start fighting, ask to be excused and go do something else to get your mind off of it. Sorry you are going through this-I hope both you and your mom will be ok.

Answer 8

It's her fault. It's a good idea to cool off. She probably wont die unless she has an ulcer problem. She sounds like a horrible mother. Whatever you do, dont kill yourself. Talk to somebody, like a school counseler. You sound like a really nice guy and you have too much going for you and too many people counting on you. Maybre you can move in with a relative until a month after the surgery is over. She might be nervous about the surgery. Good Luck, and God Bless!!

Answer 9

Look, you just need to go over to your mom & tell her you are sorry for all of the fighting (even if she may have started it) & try to make amends. I'm sure she loves you very much & she is taking out her fear & stress about her surgery on you. Just try to be there for her while she is recooperating and the two of you will be better.

I know this has been told to you many times, but this is just a phase in your life when you and your parents won't see eye-to-eye. Just understand that it will pass & you'll be amazed how much better the two of you will get a long in a few years. Don't shoot yourself over something like this.

We've all been there & if everybody in your situation would have killed him/herself, there wouldn't be any people left in this world.

Good luck & I hope your mom's surgery goes well.

Answer 10

Problem here is you don't tell what you are arguing about.. For starters you should never argue with your mother because 99% of the time you will find her right and that is what you say you hate. You have to remember that your mother has already been through everything that you are going through now and she is bound to be right most of the time.. It is foolish to keep on arguing with her when you know that you are going to find out she is right.
You say that you are 14 years old you are getting to the age that you should be able to be trusted to take care of things while she is in the hospital and ill. you know that she is not feeling good yet you continue to argue with her and make her stress out more.
A simple conversation would be so easy..
Your mother has good doctors and they will take care of her so don't worry about that.. tell her you are sorry and that you won't argue with her anymore. and try helping out around the house.. I think what you have going that you are arguing about can be put on hold ..
You brother if that who you are saying is mad at you now is just worried about your mother.also. so he will get over it..
Learn to controll your self a little bit.
Maybe later when your mother is feeling better if you have some real issues you may want to talk to someone together about them.
shooting your self is never an answer to anything.. what do you think that would do to your mother and the rest of your family. Nothing I mean nothing is ever that bad if you sit and talk about it..
so calm your self down.. and think before you start talking ..
best wishes for your mother in her surgery and you to getting along together. better..