What should I do? Child in danger i am afraid?

Question

I have been divorced for 21/2 to 3 years and my ex husband and I have a ten year old daughter. He has gotten remarried without even letting his daughter know before hand. And now he has a month and a half old daughter. The step mother is getting so bad that my daughter is scared to go to her fathers for the agreed weekends. Should I say something to her father or should I say something to her meaning stepmother? Since the baby has been born she is treating her very badly. My daughter is on medication and it has to be given to her at a certain time. Her step mom wont give her the medication until she want to. I thought timing was up to the doctor not a step mom. It is ruining her schedule for sleep and other things. It has even went into threats when the father is not around. I really need some advice especially from divorced parents. What can be done? Oh the medication is for her mental/adhd/add problem. It could throw her into a warp so says the doctor. Please help me soon ok.

the father works a 12 hour job in cinncinati and from there at a fire house in covinton and as an emt in dryridge. he is never home he never sees his daughter when she is there. he is either not there or asleep. he would not believe me when i say these things are happening. because he dont see it. he still wants her during those weekends but he never sees her so why should he even have her.

Answer 1

What you need to do is contact your attorney about your daughters well being when she is at his home. If he is not there, then he is not living up to the agreement.

Answer 2

First all the threatening in the world is NOT going to change anything it is only going to start a feud that your daughter is caught in the middle of. First I would start with teh father and let him know exactly what your daughter is telling you and I know most won't agree but have your daughter with you when you do. Tell him she isn't happy and the three of you need to work out a solution. At 10 she can tell her dad what she feels but will need someone there to support he. If you and the ex live in the same school district and his days off fall during the week instead of weekends maybe change the visits to where he is there. Your ex might not believe you but will he really call his child a liar. After the three of you talk sit down with your ex and explain to him that you do not feel comfortable the child being there so much with him gone. Don't get defensive just tell him that as a mother you can understand she is going to love her child more but yours still needs love and guidance as well. Chances are the step mom has already been filling him with ideals of how misbehaved your daughter is to prepare her case for when it all blows up. If your ex refuses to work out something to be there with the child and insist she goes then she has to until you can get the matter taken to court and changed by a judge, but when you send her send her with her own cell phone (pre-paid) so that at anytime she can call you if she needs to without the step mom knowing. I did this with my kids when they went to their dads because they would get upset missing home and he wouldn't let them call and this way if anything was really wrong I would know right off and could be there with the law or whoever immediatly. The first time the step mom doesn't give the meds or threatens the child she can call and you can meet child protective services on the front door step. I also know as a mother with an adhd child it isn't just about the medication but a strict schedule for eating, bathing, bedtime, all of it because they need the routine.

Answer 3

First I would threaten the father and I would let him know that he is losing his daughter's respect because first of all he didn't tell his daughter that he was getting married, and now that he is married to the b%$&h your daughter and her clash and she has been very mean to your daughter and you want him to know what she is telling you and you think that it is only fair that the stepmom treat her with respect, and also let her father know that the medication she is on isn't being given to her on schedule and now it is messing with your daughters sleep schedule, I would also make it a point to say that if things don't change when she is there child protective services will be involved with the situation and if it doesn't change after that take it a step further and make sure that you have sole legal and sole physical custody and he can set up supervised visitation, all you have to do is get a lawyer and show him your proof and her testimony and if child protective services is involved at all they will have a copy of the report. I have kind of gone through a similar situation with my son only his father hasn't tried to see him in 3 years because of it, and he was in a very dangerous situation, his stepbrothers were giving him guns and telling him to shoot himself in the leg, and he was only 3 or 4. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

I think you should try and talk to the step-mother and the father together without your daughter there. Tell the step-monster that you remember how hard it is having a little one and that you want to try and make this easier for everyone, so you wrote down the times when the medication should be given and have your daughter write when she takes it. Let the step-monster think that your daughter will write it down so that you can keep up with it, tell her that you know how difficult it can be for children to take it on time. Your husband will find himself checking those times and if they are are screwed up, you will look like the caring concerned mom and the step-monster will look like the careless ***. You must keep it nice though, this is now part of your family. Good luck.

Answer 5

Ah second marriages and stepparents. It's always the same. There are exceptions, but more often than not it's a problem.

From the new wife's perspective, she wants her own family and doesn't want any reminders of her husband's previous family around. This is especially true if he has to pay child support. New wives see that as their money. They don't want to share anything with the old family - either time or money. It's obvious your daughter is not welcome there as far as she is concerned.

The interesting crucial factor here is the dad. When it comes to standing up to their new wives about their old families, husbands are pretty spineless. They don't want to rock the new boat. He probably sees what is going on, but turning a blind eye to it.

So, what can be done?

Tell your exhusband that you need to speak with him about the situation. Once you've told him, ask him for suggestions on what you are both going to do. If you are really concerned about your daughter keeping her relationship with her dad then you need to work something out with him so that he cannot use the excuse it won't work or he didn't know about it.

If there are court appointed visitations at set times you will have to inform the court of the situation if you can't work something out on friendly terms.

Keep your head and don't lose your temper. Don't make this a fight between you and his new wife. You will lose and so will your daughter. If you love your daughter and you want her to maintain a relationship with her father than you must continually remind yourself of your goal.

Good luck.

Answer 6

You should not by any means send her to that house when the father isn't there. She is in physical danger (and mental actually) and you should not send her. Call the lawyer who handled your divorce (or find a new one who deals with child welfare) and get legal documentation so that you do not have to send her unless her father is present the entire time. Her father has visitation so he can spend time with her.........his new wife however does not have visitation, so there is no reason to send her.
Do not send your daughter somewhere that you feel she isn't being taken care of. Your first responsibility is to her, not him. In the meantime, keep a written journal.....an accurate one....of each time she goes there and there's an "incident". This will be useful if you have to go to court.

Answer 7

Change that visitation! Who has more custody? Get a book about children in 2 homes that addresses step-parent expectations, and even ask the doctor to write a note with specific instructions. Let yoru daughter know you lover and hopefully Dad will take control of the situation

Good luck!

Answer 8

i know you asked a while ago but i have my 2 cents to give you. I worked in a family law office but in California, I'm not sure of your states laws but I"d try to talk to both of them first if nothing changes after the talk then I'd say start documentation of the problems and file the paper work for a court order for your visitation situation to be evaluated my a court appointed mediator. As long as you keep your records of the mishaps with your child and take it to court in California your child would be old enough to be asked what her opinion is but like i said I'm not sure of your state. I"d say don't stop the visitations yet because he could use it against you. Get a doctors written statement of her condition and effects of what would happen if her medication is not giving in a timely manner and what the stress effects could be also. also ask your ex's boss your your ex for a copy of his work schedule to show that as a parent he is not utilizing his time with his child. that she's be better off going for vacation time rather than weekends because it just causes stress. Talk to your lawyer too. because he can help you get things going.

Answer 9

Tell your ex that you no longer want your daughter to stay at his house if he's not going to be there. Tell him what is going on and how his witch of a wife is treating your daughter. If he gets mad at you and doesn't believe it than you stand your ground and let him know you no longer will aloud your daughter around that woman. And if he wants to take you to court well than so be it. Unless you are already going through a court order. If so then take him again and tell the judge what is going on. Your daughter shouldn't be afraid to say anything. She needs to let it out! Good luck and I hope it turns out for the best at least for your daughters sake!

Answer 10

i think you got a little problem of you kid not liking the step mom (shes not her mom) and your own personal issues If she is really with holding meds call CPS. Let them deal with it. Yeah with a new baby things get busy and might run a little out of hand , give them some time to learn to get along, reminding your ex that even thought he has a new baby it could help his kid to spend o some time with just her for some 1 on one. trust me we have a crazy house 5 kids here and it took a while to get stuff down want some advice replay to me. I got a 10 yr old step diabetic daughter,8,7, and 6 and 10 months old he has brought them all together with cute things.

Answer 11

The time she spends with the dad - was that given through the court or verbally between u guys? If through the court - I would go and try to change it and let them know he is not with her and what the stepmom is doing. If it was just through you guys then don't send her over. Knowing that the stepmom is not treating her right should be more than enough reason to stop sending her over. I would talk to the dad and let him know what is going on, if he don't want to believe you, have your daughter tell him...if he still don't believe you, then don't send her over!


I am a stepmom and I do my best to treat them as if they were mine, but there are some women out there that don't care, it's not their child. I suggest you to take your daughter out of that situation as soon as possible...she don't need that. If he wants to see her... tell him to pick her up when he is around.