My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We are serious about each other and thinking about our future together. We're both about to start our last yr of college and would like to get married sometime after we graduate. My bf was dissatisfied his old job (which didn't supply sufficient hours/wages). Right about the time he was searching for a new one, my mom was looking for someone to fill a full-time managerial position under her and she offered it to him. Since this was a good opportunity for my bf to gain more work experience, learn more office skills, etc., AND the office is close to his college, he took the job. Lately our relationship has been suffering b/c my mom now complains about my bf 24/7. She doesn't say anything to him directly, but she tells ME that I need to "correct him." she expects me to bring up his flaws to him on the weekends when we go on dates. my aunt, who's been working longer than my mom, says my bf is doing fine. what do i do abt my mom?
2006-07-31 10:13:31 · 16 answers · asked by Banana_cakes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Good intentions,but a bad idea. You need to separate work from your relationship. Have a chat with your boyfriend about it and just have him work there until an agreed upon end date. The sooner the better!
2006-07-31 10:17:48 · answer #1 · answered by consigliere 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's an old saying "don't do business with family or friends" and your problem is a good reason.
Your best bet is to tell your mom that your life with your honey is your life, her life business wise with him is hers, if she's got an issue with him then she needs to talk directly to him, has nothing to do with you.
Don't let his job interfere with your personal relationship. It is a seperate issue, and if he worked elsewhere, the boss there would not be coming to you with their issues.
Mom's tend to be protective whether they want to admit it or not, and will definately see more flaws if her daughter's BF is an employee, so in a way she is only trying to protect you, but on the other hand she doesn't realize that she might be being overcritical because he is her employee.
Just Tell her to seperate the two issues, see him as an employee, but when he is with you to just see him as your BF, will be hard for her to do, but if she is a professional, she will be able to master that skill, hate it or not. Is definately part of being a boss.
Can you imagine your boss seeing you and your honey in a restaurant and him coming over to your honey saying for him to straighten you out? Is just not professional, so set it straight with her.
2006-07-31 17:27:27 · answer #2 · answered by hisladytish 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to tell her what her actions are doing to you. let her know your wishes are that she leave her complaints at the office, or confront him directly-- you're not the middle woman. and if she keeps doing it, ignore her. easier said than done, i know. but a classic animal training principle is: if you want to extinguish a behavior, ignore it. dont engage her. walk away. you've already made your wishes known, and that's all you can do. it will take time, of course, but be consistent. also, reinforce her positively when she doesn't use you as her middle man.
aside from that, this may be symptomatic of a deeper issue your mom may have with you getting married? ask her how she feels about that, and if it's not that then the above is all you can really do.
2006-07-31 17:26:25 · answer #3 · answered by juniper_sativa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly, sit her down and tell her exactly what you have just written in this question above. As a mum, I may find it hard for my daughter to confront me with this issue but I would much rather she did than for it to be left unsaid. Family is so important and without open communication there will always be trouble following. Take your mum out for a coffee, go shopping with her, do something that you will both enjoy and have a non confronting chat! Take the time to work out a way of approaching it so that she knows you appreciate what she has done but that it is not up to you to speak to your boyfriend about work matters just as it would not be appropriate if she spoke to him about personal matters at work.
2006-07-31 17:21:05 · answer #4 · answered by like to help 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your mother supervises managers, and doesn't know how to offer constructive criticism directly to an employee, I think SHE is the one who needs to be "corrected."
Tell her you prefer not to be in the middle between her and your boyfriend, and if she has comments about his performance it is more appropriate for her to tell him directly. It sounds like somewhat of a family business, since your aunt also works there (?). Given the dynamic, it's probably best to keep work & personal life separate. So if your boyfriend can find another job, maybe he should do so.
2006-07-31 17:19:35 · answer #5 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he's a lousy employee she needs to take care of it at work. It's not your responsibility. But if it's causing friction between you and him, he probably should go ahead and find a different job. That or straighten up his act at work. However, I think her offering your boyfriend a job was a mistake. Unless they already got along great. He's about to graduate and can't find a good job without help? Now on his resume he's going to have a stay at a job for a couple of months and look like a job hopper. Does he have floppy ears?
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20060731.html
Sounds like your mom needs to grow a set of 'balls' and act like a supervisor. Maybe your mom should be fired and someone who is more assertive should be hired.
2006-07-31 17:19:47 · answer #6 · answered by Duds331 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her this," Mom when I have a problem with him I will let him know, If you have a problem with him then you let him know yourself." And go ahead and give b/f the heads up about what you said so he may deal with this properly without blowing up at her. Good luck.
2006-07-31 17:20:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs a new job! There will be no good that comes from this. If he needs a job reference tell your mom to add to it when she is used as a reference. GET HIM OUT OF THERE! I speak from experience. It will never get better!!
2006-07-31 17:18:19 · answer #8 · answered by Karrien Sim Peters 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you can recruit your aunt to help your boyfriend find a new position in another company that your mother isnt involved in.
2006-07-31 17:18:30 · answer #9 · answered by munlitluv 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How about you bring them both together and have a long discussion abou the issue.
2006-07-31 17:17:43 · answer #10 · answered by trafficer21 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋