Update on my son. What can I do?

Question

Some of you may remember I told you about my son moving out a few weeks ago. He moved into a flat in Glasgow and I was worried sick because when he's done this in the past, he gets really down and drinks himself stupid. Well, it's happened tonight again. We had to get the police to get in and he was lying unconcious surrounded by urine and empty vodka bottles. He went mental and told everyone to get out and leave him alone. The abuse............... I'm home now and don't know what to do. I feel utterly useless and don't know what will become of him.

He's 34 years of age and suffered a serious brain injury 3 years ago. He now suffers from depression and drinks to try to help.....

Answer 1

sorry I feel bad for you.
I wouldn't know how to help though.

Answer 2

Oh, I feel so sorry for you. You need to let him do this though. He is obviously old enough to move out and live alone although perhaps not yet mature enough. If he wants to stay where he is you have to respect his wishes and just be there for him if he wants your support. Make sure that you have plenty of people around to support you through this time. He will eventually realise what he has put you through, I doubt he's thinking that way at the moment though. You don't say why the police were called but hopefully he won't go down the path of getting himself into trouble. As long as he can fund himself (paying the bills etc) there really is nothing you can do. I hope this period passes quickly for you. Best of luck, and don't forget to look after yourself x

Answer 3

I just cannot believe that the NHS has not given you any help or support with your son, a brain injury is not something you can just forget about, he needs specialist help and right now, have you got a doctor that you can talk to or a nurse or hospital official that was in attendance when your son had his brain injury who might be able to put you on the right road to helping your son, he really need to be in some sort of safe place were he can get the help he really needs and deserves, you have to stand up and be counted and get him the help, go to your local MP or get the local news station involved if your not getting the help or answers you need right now, do not beat yourself up over it, your his mother and your bound to feel like this towards him as well as been very frustrated, your not useless the system that is letting you both down is useless, just bang on every door medically or politically till you get the help for your son, good luck I hope you get him the help he needs and please stop blaming yourself for loving your son, you a lovely mom so never put the blame on your shoulders

Answer 4

My son is 21, lives alone and has suffered emotional problems in his past which haunt his present day. He self medicates with alcohol and gambling.
It is so very painful and soul destroying as a mother to watch your child slowly kill themselves, and feel there is very little we can do.

As an alcohol/drugs support worker, there is little you can do for him directly. He has made a choice and until he changes his decision it will remain. Hopefully he will become 'sick of being sick' and seek the support available.

Alcoholics Annonymous has Al-Anon for friends and families affected by a persons drinking and you will receive understanding, kindness and support with them. All members there have simmilar experiences which is why they are there and can often proove a source of suppoert for eachother.

There will be a local community drugs and alcohol team, which your local council will have details about. They too also have services available for you, your son and your family.

I wish you and your son the very best. This is by no means an easy path to walk, especially if you are walking it alone. There are organisations who can help you, and become a lifeline in times of great distress. Remember that he has to take ownership of this problem and not make it all yours. That you have a life also, and need a step back to see what is yours to carry and what isnt. Please be kind to yourself, there is no blame either side. Alcohol is like an insidious poison which creeps in and festers. Talking to people who understand is a good medicine, but if it begins to affect your health, please see your GP and talk to them. Our nerves can only take so much.

Good Luck and Stay Well my friend

Answer 5

did the police not do anything? They can take action if they think he is a danger to himself - sound like he is to me. they surely took him to hospital? they can also arrest him for a place of safety as he is not safe lying unconcious in urine and vodka!!!! He can be deemed against his will but I am not sure if only alcoholism is enough for this. It usually needs mental illness. I would argue that alcoholism is a symptom of a mental illness in this case. Speak to social services tomorrow. See what they can come up with. It is too late to be proud - use any public body you can and remember you are trying to save your son, not get him to like you. It might be a nasty ride, if indeed you manage to help.

This is a horrible situation and I am very sorry for you. I cannot imagine the anguish you must feel.

Answer 6

Sorry, I feel for you.
But as a person who has been in a situation similar w/an alcoholic, you have to do the tough love thing and move on.
He will either hit bottom and decide to get help, or continue to be his miserable self.
I can tell you from personal experience, that if a person is hell bent on killing themselves through drugs or alcohol, they're going to do it no matter how much intervention you give them.

He's an independent adult now, and it's time you stood back and let him live his life and make his own mistakes, even though it hurts really badly.

If you are there to rescue him all the time, how can he decide to get the help he needs?

Answer 7

Look, he is 34 but I do understand that he is still your baby. But it seems he is really got himself into this mess. He doesnt want your help but I understand its not up to him how you feel. So what I suggest is to talk to social services, Mental health people and also alcoholic anonymous to see what they suggest. I also think that all those people who get themselves somehow addicted to either drugs or alcohol, they are trying to hide something that bothers them badly, its a psychological problem. However these same people still crave for normal life and alcohol or drug-free life, but dont know how? They wake up hating themselves but dont know where to go for help. I think if you get loads of alcoholic info leaflets with free phone no. etc. and either post it to his address or stick it in his mail box without him knowing its your doing he will one day soon wanna give them a go and that is first positive steps. I really hope this has helped. good luck

Answer 8

For once in my life i am stuck for words,you poor thing,i do not know what to suggest you do ,i think that you have done all that you can as a mother ,your boy needs help desperately.
It is no good speaking to him while he is drunk,its a pity you did not photograph him in the terrible state he was in when you found him and had the photographs enlarged ,bring him home when he is sober and show him the state he was in ,maybe he will be so shocked it will do the trick. my prayers and thoughts are for you and your boy.god bless you mum.

Answer 9

Sometimes you have to just stand by and watch. Do not be an enabler. Calling AA for advice is a great answer. Sometimes, they have to hit rock bottom before getting help. No friends, no money and no support from family. So sorry for your pain. Not your fault.

Answer 10

It sounds like the brain injury is still doing injury - I don't think your son knows what he's doing to be honest. He needs an appointment with a neurologist.

Answer 11

Any chance you can get him legally made to get rehab? Sounds like he's an alcoholic and will need to get better. Try calling the AA for some real advice.