It always seems as if everyone I date always says they can handle that I'm a single mom. I never hide that I am a package. I am a 32 year old single mom with a 15 year old teenage son. But as soon as the relationship gets serious, they always fall back with I don't think I can handle a ready made family or I don't think I can do the daddy thing. It really sucks that I always get my heart broken for something that I can't help. This will be the 4th relationship ranging from 5 years - to as little as a year that ends due to this.
Help...how do I screen these guys so that they can't use my child as an escape goat anymore. I'm sick and tired of getting my heart broken over something I can't control!!!
2006-07-31 10:03:33 · 10 answers · asked by EmCee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have always been a serial monogomist. I have always been in a relationship. In hindsights when I was younger I was trying to find a father for my child. But 2 years ago, I ended a 5 year relationship when I found out that he was cheating on me. Now that my son is alot older, I know that he doesn't need a father...and its all about me. I need to find someone who will be my life long partner. What is mind boggling to me is, my son is 15. I don't ask for any assistance regarding my son. I am financially independent. All I ask is acceptance. When we were younger, I understand that might be too much for guys to handle. But now that I'm in my early thirties you would think guys would have matured somewhat. But whatever...I'm done trying to prove myself worthy. I am such a great catch...intelligent, attractive, caring, sincere, genuine, very considerate. But the way I see it is they were never worthy of me and that is why it ends. Everything happens for a reason!!!
2006-07-31 11:06:14 · update #1
Oh man I know what you mean. I'm a single mom of 2 kids. So I truly understand what your going through. I haven't found away to get around that problem. This is what I have been thought about doing. Maybe try to date an older man me I'm 26 so I try to date guys around 30-33 yrs old instead of guys around my age. Just because sometimes younger guys or guys our age are wanting to start there OWN family and they don't want the package deal like we have and normally older men already have atleast one child so the kid thing can't be that bad if they already had one. Other then that I'm lost as well. It's hard enough to find a guy that you can connect with and then you have add the fact that you are a "package" makes it harder.
As a single mom we have to remember that OUR kids come first and that we are a package and even if the end of the relationship that is his excuse it's a good thing it ended because that just means he wasn't man enough to take on the package deal. Because we both know that it takes REAL man to step up and except the package deal!!!!
Also I was just reading PANACEA'S responds....BULL CRAP!!!! We both now that he's not a real man. A good man who loves you for you will except this. I know this!!!
2006-07-31 10:40:46 · answer #1 · answered by browneyegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women with kids aren't appropriate for relationships, especially marriage. It is one of the most important and reliable warning signs a man has to stay the hell away. Whatever it was that ended your relationship with your son's father will only hurt any man who foolishly gets involved with you, plus he has the burden of raising a child who will never be bonded with him, without the benefit of having his own child. Usually, the woman is just looking for a meal ticket anyway and has little or no caring for her man. The moment that ring goes on your finger, all pretense of caring ceases.
Most men know this and will avoid you like the plague. A few men feel guilty enough to give you a shot but rapidly figure out what is going on as things get more serious. They are right to get rid of you.
There is, of course, a solution.....stop being an ******. If instead of doing the above like 99.9% of the women in your situation do, you actually love a man and work toward a real relationship where you plan to have children with him, one of the few men who give you the benefit of the doubt will realize you are different and will marry you. However, you can't fake it. If you fake it, he will know and dump you.
Understand where the problem is. It's with you, not with him. Fix the problem in yourself and the man will give you what you want.
2006-07-31 10:27:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a single mom and I can tell when a guy is into my little girl or not right off the bat ... !!
Maybe you're meeting all the wrong guys because you haven't sat down and thought about what type of guy you truly need for you & your child .... !
You're son is older and will be out of the house soon .. maybe you should hold off on dating until he's done with school ... if you wait ... you never know what might happen ... !
2006-07-31 10:13:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just date and try not to get your feelings all into these guys....concentrate on the only guy that is and will always be in your life duh your son and then when he graduates from high school and goes to college or something like that then just maybe you can get into something more serious...believe it or not you are not that old you still will have time in about three or four years to get in a serious relationship that you want and then the guys won't use the excuse of doing the whole daddy thing because your son will be grown then
2006-07-31 10:12:15 · answer #4 · answered by Jo3-Jo3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you have been dating some shallow men....figure out what the signals were with all these relationships...is it really your son or is it something else....I am sure once you reflect on the situation you will be able to deal with what is happening...avoid the pitfalls...me personally, I do not have a problem with teen age kids but most men do if they are not the father. Hang in there Girl...you will be fine...from the looks of things you were quite young when your son was born...everything will work out a-ok...there is a fella out there for you...you have just not asked him out on a date yet.
2006-07-31 10:08:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW a couple of these answers were pretty harsh and just wrong.I have 3 children and found the man of my dreams.He loves my kids as much as he loves me and if he didnt he would have been gone because they are number ONE.Give a relationship time before they meet your son but dont lie and say you dont have a child cause that makes it worse.Maybe find someone who had kids that always makes it easier also.Good luck
2006-07-31 10:55:25 · answer #6 · answered by nvvlewis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, are you having sex with them? Hope not. Don't let dates meet child for 3-4 months into relationship. I think you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Pardon the pun.
2006-07-31 10:07:37 · answer #7 · answered by flowerlover12003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if there are no question marks on the tip than curiously like hes being beautiful and merely asserting love me. extremely of putting his call through fact of course you comprehend it lol yet while there's a query mark than hes asking you so say i such as you. that's an insecure ingredient my bf asks me each and all of the time if i such as you and he merely desires reassurance yet each and every so often it may get a touch bothersome. however the suitable thank you to get what he somewhat skill through fact adult males are hard to study is to in basic terms ask him what he skill. make it beautiful and be like are you akin?? on the tip of the textual content textile. solid success Jesus loves you
2016-10-01 07:46:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just answered your own question "It's something you can't prevent or control" That's life, I hope you find someone who will love and accept your family. Good luck!
2006-07-31 10:06:42 · answer #9 · answered by shae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing, the kid isn't theirs. It might be kinda hard to accept the child as their own.
2006-07-31 10:06:47 · answer #10 · answered by sisterof_3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋