what do you think is funny?

Question

I love funny jokes can anyone tell me a funny joke?

Answer 1

Tragedy Defined

Jesse Jackson, while visiting a primary school class, found himself
in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The
teacher asks the Rev. Jackson if he would like to lead
the discussion on the word "tragedy."

So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a
"tragedy." One little boy stood up and offered: "If my
best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway
tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.?

"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50
children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside,
that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's
what we would call a ! great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.

Rev. Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can
give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a
quiet voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Rev. Jackson were struck
by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson, "That's right. And can
you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell
wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."


ADULT FAIRY TALES.................

CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees. " What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking
love struck and very satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly,
Peter, Peter, something or other..."
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PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
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LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________

MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
___________________________________________

SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
___________________________________________

Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
____________________________________________

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex ! was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."

Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan


ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE:

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."



A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WHO WAVES AT HIM AND SAYS HELLO.

HE'S RATHER TAKEN BACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS HER
FROM, SO HE SAYS, " DO YOU KNOW ME?" TO WHICH SHE REPLIES, "I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS."

NOW HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HIS
WIFE AND SAYS, " MY GOD, ARE YOU THE STRIPPER FROM MY BACHELOR PARTY
THAT I LAID ON THE POOL TABLE, WITH ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHING, WHILE
YOUR PARTNER WHIPPED ME WITH WET CELERY AND THEN STUCK A CARROT IN MY BUTT?

SHE SAID, "NO, I'M YOUR SON'S MATH TEACHER!"

Answer 2

How To Annoy Your Driver
Always tell the driver to slow down or speed up.
Every time you see a car pulling out, yell to the driver "Watch it!"
Point to the right and tell the driver to make a left.

lollll

Answer 3

um... ok let me think u walked to school and then said hi to your teachers friends and your crush and then u had to make a speech u ran to the cafeteria where everyone can si u and u stood on the table and then realized your hair was shaved dork and that u were half naked....... ok that wasnt funny i just made that up......... rite now im not in a funny mood

Answer 4

I am just cracking up over candace's jokes. She's hysterical.

Answer 5

guy walks into a bar....he say's ouch.

Answer 6

my oh my