I'm an American Born Chinese guy, but I'm intimidated whenever I'm...?

Question

...around other ABC's. Especially, around ABC girls. Of all the types of people out there ABC's intimidate me the most. Many of them are so different from myself. I feel like I don't measure up when I'm around them. I don't socialize easily in new groups, I don't hang out with many Chinese friends, I don't know...

I'd like things to be different, so that I was more involved with them, but I don't know how to stop feeling insecure about myself. It's painful not to fit in with people that I feel I should belong with.

Answer 1

I have a sneaking feeling that you get shy around ANY ethnicity of people. First quit "physcing" yourself out- you definitely belong. Remember everyone else in ANY large group of people feel SOME level of fear. You must FORCE yourself to talk and act relaxed.

Getting people to talk about THEMSELVES is the best way to make a good impression. Bring up something you like to talk about and then listen to THEM...when they really like something ask open ended question about whatever they are stimulated by.

You'll get better the MORE you practice so start mastering this life skill now- you'll be FINE!!!

Answer 2

Maybe your feelings of insecurity really have more to do with your personality type than they do with ethnicity. Do you only feel that way around other ABC's?

The fact that you don't socialize easily in new groups, leads me to believe that you may either be painfully shy, or you may just simply be an introvert. Your feelings of insecurity may possibly stem from the fact that you are trying to force yourself fit in where you are not comfortable, simply because you think that's what you should be doing.

Stop trying to "fit in".
Just be who you are....
BE YOURSELF. and you will find that you will attract a girl who is meant for you, regardless
of whether she is an ABC or not.

Good Luck~*

Answer 3

well.. i would say it's all about YOU, not them. stop focusing on a specific type of people, and start working on yourself... that way, u'll realize that regardless of race, regardless of religion, u can be the kind of person who gets along w/ ANYONE, not just other chinese people. and i have to say, as an asian american, many "groups" of asians are pretty judgemental/intimidating in the beginning... but they're all pretty harmless once u get to know 'em! (same as any other group of people, like popular ones, etc). just work on the kind of person u want to be.. are u insecure about ur looks? exercise, be a fit, healthy guy. are u insecure about ur hair, or clothes? ask a friend to help u out w/ clothes, or go to the mall and get suggestions from the mannequins or magazine pics. get a new look at the barber shop... once u feel that u look better, i think u will feel more confident in urself. next step.. do u feel shy cuz u don't know enough? try to learn more about current events, or history, or sports, etc... so that u will be well-rounded and be able to voice ur opinoin about any situation or subject. start speaking up more w/ ur friends and family, practice talking about anything and everything; that way u will be able to be comfortable around strangers too, and stop caring about what other people think about u. u have to give them the chance to get to know you (ie, not be too shy), but if they are jerks, u don't want to hang w/ them anyway!!! so instead of caring what people think of u, start caring of what YOU think of you.. if u feel good about urself, people will notice and see something more than some quiet guy. also, if u concentrate on being a confident, happy, healthy and positive person, u will attract those kinds of people of any race or ethnicity, not just chinese. good luck~~

Answer 4

i'm an "abc" as you put it. i'm not full chinese but really, things might be easier for you if you stop thinking in terms of race. don't think of other chinese as chinese people, just think of them as people. do you have any idea why you feel this way and think this way?? many asians often have this insatiable need to please their elders and not to disapoint their families etc....my family was VERY strict. do you think you are not good enough around your chinese counterparts or something? b/c if that's how you feel, throw it out the window! easier said than done but you need to try to love yourself and focus on things that you are good at, try finding people who like those same things then you won't have to feel insecure talking about it. you mention in your question that "they are so different from myself, i feel like i don't measure up." well we are different, all of us! that's what makes making new friends so much fun. by the way, how old are you? just curious.

Answer 5

Don't worry, you are not alone. I know many people who are just as similar as you.

I suppose I'm also one of those Chinese girls too. But I'm kind of a CBC (Canada instead ^^). However I was born in Hong Kong and brought to North America a long long time ago.

But you shouldn't feel so pressured. It's hard to fit in to somewhere you blatantly feel wrong with.

Just stick with who you like to be with and be proud of it. Who cares if you are black haired and yellow skined and hang out with people the completely opposite?

Take some time to feel more comfortable with yourself, and it won't be as painful anyway.

I promise. Just take me for example. I love hanging around all sorts of people.

Besides, the only time I feel uncomfortable is if I'm pressured by myself and societal rules to be with these certain types of people.

Stay optimistic and just make yourself feel comfortable no matter what. Do what you feel is best.

o^_^o

Answer 6

First off, I advise you to do something special for yourself in order to feel good then, you go out and start conversations with people that you find intimidating for whatever reason. Stop thinking that you are different in a negative way. Everybody is different. People don't want to approach others because they don't want to get on their bad sides. It's worth a try. You should start a conversation with them and after that, you may or may not want to sociolize with them anymore. It doesn't hurt to say hi or ask a question. That's how some friendships and/or relationships start.

Answer 7

Listen you're an American first.....so socialize with whoever DOES make you comfortable. Who says just because you're Chinese you have to socialize with only Chinese ppl.

Hell, if that was the case I would be only socializing with English, German, Danish, French, and Czechs. LOL.....but I have a wide variety of friends. That's the beauty of living in America we can socialize with any type of group we want too no matter what race you're from. Look at Eminem......dude he totally made being a wigger cool!!!

Answer 8

I think you need to figure out what it is about them that intimidates you. Once you figure that out, it should be easier to work on. As far as I am concerned everyone is equal, regardless to race, place of birth, or financial status. People spend to much time dwelling on unimportant issues. Be yourself, respect yourself, and others, and hang out with people that treat you the same. Life is too short to waste time on minor problems. Search within yourself and be happy and proud of who you are, and the rest will come naturally.

Answer 9

Sports! Play sports and hang out at the gym. You are bound to meet people of all kinds there. Always keep a smile on your face. People feel better about you when you have a smile on your face.

Answer 10

OMG, I totally understand how you feel! It is like that way for everybody when you go to a new school, just try to act naturally it takes some time for everybody to relax around you so try to calm down this is not a very big deal it happens to the best of us. So, just try to calm down everything will calm down eventually.