Question for working parents?

Question

The situation is: My husband and I both work full time, and we're fortunate enough to have my mom watch our two boys (aged 28 months and 12 months) during the day. We recently moved, and I started a new job where I make considerably more money than I did. This allows us to be able to afford to do fun things with our kids on the weekends that we previously weren't financially able to do on a regular basis. We've never gone without, but my husband and I have lived paycheck to paycheck even before we had kids. I love my job now, but the problem I'm having is that I'm the breadwinner, and it's impossible for me to be a stay at home mom. Financially, my husband and I both have to work to be able to run our family/household. We don't want to become financially strapped. As it is now, I see our kids only on the weekends, really. I see them 10 minutes in the morning, and by the time I get home at night, fix dinner, do the dishes, etc. it's time for the kids' to go to bed. More...

I commute a total of 3 hours per day (1.5 hours in the a.m. and 1.5 hours in the p.m. I feel like I never see my children, and it makes me incredibly sad, as they're so young. If you were me, would you take a job that offered better hours/less commute but paid considerably less (30% less) and spend the time with your kids, although it would mean not having any extra money, or would you keep the job you have now and be able to afford to go out with them when you wanted? Part-time is not an option as I carry the medical benefits. My husband could with his job, but it's a LOT more expensive, and the benefits aren't that great.

Moving closer to my job is not an option: a) my mom drives about 20 miles to get to our house as it is, and b) we'd have to break our lease. Plus, we live in a decent area, and to move closer (to downtown) would mean moving into a not-so-nice area.

Also, I don't want anyone to think I'm swimming in money, LOL. When I say we can afford to do things on the weekends, I mean basically that if we decide going to the aquarium would be fun, we could just go, as opposed to before I got this job...it would have meant sitting down at the calendar and figuring out what day was payday again, what bills would have to be paid before we could go, when we would be able to afford to go, basically. I don't mean I'm not taking my kids to Hawaii every weekend. :)

Answer 1

Forget about the extra money, extra time with your kids is the most important. You'll never regret putting your children 1st, I'm not saying you don't, you sound like a wonderful mom:), but it's worth it to live more frugally you can do plenty of fun things on the weekend without spending money. Children need quality and quantity of time with their parents, especially mom when they're young. If you have to do it, you have to do it, but I think it's too many parents who give up the most precious, meaningful time in their kids lives to pursue more money. Before I would allow myself to only see my kids on weekends I would give up cable television, go without internet, buy only generic food products, cook good home meals instead of eating out, etc.. The things I remember about my childhood that I'll never forget is sitting under blankets with my parents on the porch in the rain on a weekday evening talking about how my day was, going on hiking trails (no money needed), etc.. You're a good mom, I'll be thinking of you and hope that you'll be able to be home for your kids.

Answer 2

I am a single mother of two beautiful children.... a boy 27 months and a girl 8 months. To me, the most important thing in my life is my children. I am the sole provider for these kids, and I also work a lot. My children are in daycare from 7 am to 4 pm. And it breaks my heart every morning to leave them. We then go home make dinner and get ready for the following day. Not matter what, I try and make time for us to do something together. Being the only provider, we do not have extra money to go many places (they however do not go without anything), but my kids are content if we simply go outside and blow bubbles. Children are not so concerned at this age about expensive vacations and things like that. If you look hard enough there are probably many inexpensive or free places to take your children.
So to answer you question, I would take the job that would allow me to spend more time with my kids. Love is not shown by monetary items, but by the love and support you provide for your children.

Answer 3

As a single mom, I have to work but I was able to spend the first 5 months with my twins and I loved every minute of it! I would suggest that instead of doing the cleaning before they go to bed, to spend time with them and then clean after they go to bed. Maybe look into having dinners prepared the night before or see if your Mom would be willing to start dinner for you? There are a lot of nights that I don't even eat dinner until after they have gone to bed usually anywhere between 7:30-8:30! Also, see if you your work would allow you to work from home one day a week or something? I don't know how they are, but my boss is pretty agreeable with that knowing that I have 7 1/2 month old twins!!
Best of luck and just know that you are doing the best that you can and loving your children will come through no matter what!

Answer 4

With two incomes, unless you are both making minimum wage, it's likely that you are trying to have a standard of living that you cannot afford. Take a look at what you are spending on, and I bet you will find that a lot of money is being wasted on stuff that you can do without. I know what it's like to only see your kids on the way to and from the babysitter, only I didn't have a husband or mother to help. Time with your kids is more important than special treats. You will only be teaching them that "stuff" can take the place of love and attention. You do have to set up a savings plan in any case. What in the world are you going to do if one of you...you, your husband, or your mother becomes incapacitated, unemployed or God forbid, dies? Your children deserve to have the protection of a parent who has prepared for these eventualities. Obviously, I'm not telling you what to do....it is your decision to make, and your priorities to set.

Answer 5

she's not working at home.... anyway why don't you move to make the commute better? If you can pay all the bills and have a little fun with less income then why not? Whats the point in being able to afford things when there's no time to spend together? there's no shame in taking a lower paying job to have more time with the family. Be grateful that you don't have to pay daycare lol that would be expensive.

Answer 6

i'd rather be closer and spend more time with my son. I always look for jobs that are close to home no matter what the pay difference cause I never want to be far from him. but every person is different. if you need the extra income than keep the job that pays more. if you could swing it, take the lesser pay. when your kids are this young though,its not as important to see them 24/7. I feel that when they get to the age where they have lots of activities, you want to be there for all those memorable moments. so take the time to work far now but think about moving closer as they get older.

Answer 7

It all depends on what your priorities are. Personally I would take the more flexible job with less pay to be able to spend more time with the kids. It sounds almost like you are doing all of these extra things on the weekend because you feel guilty about how little time you get with your kids during the week. There are lots of things you can do with kids that don't cost as much. Have a picnic at the park for example. At this point in your childrens lives (they aren't teenagers yet) they care more about how much time you are spending with them (reading books, play, etc...) than how much money you are spending on them (don't have much of a concept for that yet).

Answer 8

i understand your problem completely. i used to work 40 hrs a week with only one weekend off a month. my kids are now 5 and 3 and i always felt like i was missing out on them getting older and having their "firsts", they were always at daycare because their dad and i both had to work to make it go. their stepdad got a promotion and allowed me to quit my job to go to school fulltime, i get to see my kids everyday now, but we don't have a lot of extra money to be going to do things other than pay bills, and buy groceries. if i get a job it either has to be the night shift or we will have to pay an arm and leg for them to go to daycare until school starts again. its a choice that you have to make, and i can't say which one i would do, but you need the money to make the house go, and the extra is nice to have to do fun things with them
maybe though at night during the week, save the dishes for until the kids are in bed then do them. that way you can have that extra little bit of time with them or do an easy dinner...something that i do alot is hamburger helpers. dinner doesn't have to be elaborate, it's the time you spend with your husband and kids that really matters most. and those kinds of things save you about an hour so instead of spending cooking, you can spend it with your family.

Answer 9

Whoever is bigger capable to determine the homework must determine it. In my apartment, I was a train or even assisted in precise categories, and many others. So... quite often I'm bigger capable to determine the homework and ensure it received performed to the normal we set. However, if I had a task the next day and my husband used to be staying residence with them, then I'd determine the ones matters he isn't capable to determine. Ie, he'd be ready to determine spelling and stuff, I'd be bigger capable for technological know-how and math, and many others. If my child used to be failing a category, I'd be irritated on the SAHP that they were not mindful of the obstacle, with the instructor when you consider that the instructor did not ship residence headsups, and the child for hiding it. The subsequent 12 months, there could be way more dad or mum-trainer meetings for both me or the SAHP to visit and maintain on most sensible of it. I'm no longer speakme approximately helicoptering, however making certain that the child is doing their paintings, the identical approach your manager makes certain you do your paintings. ninety% of unhealthy grades is from lazy youngsters no longer doing the paintings. Add: If it used to be an adolescent, I'd do random tests relying on their grades on the second. If they are failing, I'll determine daily. If they are passing, each and every different day. If they are getting As, most of the time as soon as per week. There's a motive there is such a lot of drop-outs nowadays and side of it's coming into obstacle no longer doing the paintings till they are in so deep they could not cross besides. It builds on itself. If you seize the concern while they are just a little into it, you'll aid them repair and get well. If you forget about the concern and permit the child manage it, they'll discover themselves so deep in a gap that restoration is inconceivable.

Answer 10

I would keep your new job and look for a better job that pays the same maybe starts a bit earlyer.

I had the same problem then i got a job with better hours and about the same pay and closer to home. patience is key

Remember your kids could care less if they get to go on vacation or fancy places. they care about their mommy. not money. Mcdonald is totally awsome to them at that age. mommy is what they want