How can I convince my fiance that having only 1 isn't the way to go?

Question

He thinks in the future we should try to only have one child so that we can afford to give him/her the best, but I'm a firm believer that having an only child isn't good because the child misses out on having that "sibling bond" and he/she can also be spoiled.
(Money isn't an issue, we'll be pretty "comfortable" by then, he just wants the child to be able to have anything and everything, and I think he believes having only 1 would be easier and enable us to do more fun things.)
Any suggestions on how to convince him having 2 children is better than 1? Or any stories you might have?

Answer 1

Well, first of all giving your kid everything is a very bad idea to start off with. I have only one for now...hoping to have another next year after I get married in October. But my son is well behaved and not spoiled, though he is not looking forward to a sibling.....HeHeHe. If you guys can't meet eye to eye on this, then maybe you need to reassess the relationship. It's a very big thing. You guys have to compromise along the way somewhere or you will end up in divorce and unhappy, probably after you have had the child.

Answer 2

My husband and I both agreed on 2 children before we got married. After we had my daughter we were quite content with 1. To our surprised - our daughter wouldn't have it any other way.

And yes, it's easier to give your child more opportunities when there are no siblings. I notice this when I look at my friends who have multiple children. We do way more then they do. It's easier with one and cheaper!

And just be aware, children with siblings can be very spoiled too. I know a family where that is the case. These children are horribly, horribly spoiled. So spoiled I cringe to be around them when we are out in public. Also, having siblings doesn't automatically mean they will have a bond for life. If any bond at all. I have 3 siblings and am not really close to any. I rarely talk to two of them and one I chose not to talk to at all.

My suggestion, have your first child and decide from there. Your husband or you may change your mind like my husband and I did. Maybe he will want more kids or maybe you won't. Let it go, get married and deal with it when and if it becomes an issue.

**Oh and my daughter is NOT selfish. She is very independant and the first one to share at day care or comfort a friend who is upset. And my father-in-law is an only child, both his parents are deceased. However, he wasn't lonely upon their deaths. He had a wife, kid and extended family.

Answer 3

Ask him what is more important.....

Having the most/best toys that will last a year or so in his life or having a sibling who will be his friend and be there with him for the rest of his life?

As an only child who got anything and everything she wanted, I was spoiled. I had no idea about the value of money. And I still felt really cheated that I didn't have any brothers or sisters. SO....now I'm a mom of 3 kids!

Answer 4

The main reason we had a second child was because we were thinking of our daughter after we are gone. We did not want her to be all alone in the world. He grandparents would certainly be gone by then, but we have a small (and mostly out of state) extended family. Yes, your child will grow up and have a family of their own someday, but I remember my own mother being devastated when her mother dies. She was an only child and her father had already passed. She said she really wished she had a sibling, just to share a bond with and some memories. I would never want my kids to feel that lonely. So they fight every day (they are 2 and 5), but maybe one day, they will have eachother to lean on a little bit.

Answer 5

Look at it this way, the bond between siblings is stronger than any relationship you can EVER have with a friend. Its a peice of your childhood that stays with you forever :) Its also a playmate, who else are they going to play with all the time......you! Have fun with that! lol I think the most important thing is....you guys arent going to be around forever. Who is your child going to have when youre gone? It will be a lonely world, even if they have a spouse and children by then, its not the same.

Answer 6

You shouldn't be convincing him to do anything he doesn't want to. Did you not discuss having children before the marriage? If you knew he only wanted one child and was not willing to have more back then, you only have yourself to blame for believing that would/could change. Maybe he has other reasons behind his desire to only have one. Maybe he doesn't want the added responsibility. Maybe he doesn't like children enough to have more than one. You should sit down and discuss all these issues. But at the end of the day, if you knew he wanted one child from the get go, you can't expect to change his mind.

Answer 7

i'm a girl and i had a brother and i'm so glad. we help each other out a lot and we have a sibling closeness that friends cannot replace. he's taught me a lot of things and i've taught him with stuff too. my cousin is an only child and he's not necessarily spoiled or anything but he just doesn't have that same relationship with anyone that I do with my brother.

if you want two though, make sure you keep them a few years apart (not one after the other....they're harder to control when they're younger and you'll drive yourself crazy). you could always be evil and miss a few birth control pills. lol..... but seriously.... if he's really adamant that you only have one child, it isn't the worst thing in the world either....

Answer 8

A sibling bond isn't necessary to have a happy well-adjusted child. I wish I had been an only child instead of the three brothers I ended up with - who have caused nothing but heartache for my parents. Of course, this begs the question what would happen if the firt time you got pregnant, it was twins?

Answer 9

don't even try. once he notices the overwhelming love of one child, he may reconsider.

Ask him about keeping the option open for later discussion. Who knows, you may end up being so overwhelmed you may not want a second one. Ask your friends with children what they consider to be a better amount of children to have. you actually may be the enlightened one.

by the way, i think two is better than one. I have a sister and she was and still is my partner in crime!

and just to throw in a few more opinions, i find only children people to be extremely selfish!! all my truely best friends all have older or younger siblings. They tend to be less dependant.

Answer 10

Give it time because he may change his mind once you have the child. I had a friend who only wanted one but now that the little guy is almost 3, cute as ever & is fun to play w/ & raise, she's wanting another. You however may change your mind too & after having the 1st may only want to stick w/ one. That happened to another friend of mine. She wanted 2 or 3 but now that she just had one (7 weeks ago) she's enjoying it so much & doesn't want any more. Whatever happens, happens for a reason.