I have a 9 year old and a 3 year old my olest seems to think he can yell at my youngest i fell like going nuts

Question

the 2 of them share a room, and i don't know what to do. My hisband and I have only been marrried for 3 years, and I feel my oldest is going to ruin us. He is always fighting with my littlle one, and always lying, to us about everyting. Someone help what do I do about him?

Answer 1

Grab him, hold him upside down by his legs, and don't let go until he starts being nice.

Answer 2

Oh, I know what you mean about the stress when kids fight!
It hurts so much.

Are you saying the 9 year old is your son and the 3 year old is the son of both you and your husband?

If so, then your 9 year old is very traumatized. You must make sure he is getting lots of love and attention, attention when he is not fighting. He must have alone time wiht you. It sounds like he desparately needs reassurance that he is part of this new family. Is your husband capable of treating him equal to the 3 year old? If not, that's a HUGE problem.

Stop identifying your 9 year old as THE problem. His behavior is not even the problem, his behavior is THE SYMPTOM of the problem.

Help him.

As far as yelling at the youngest, I like to tell my oldest, 'You're not the boss of him." which cracks everyone up. I also tell my oldest to not worry about being the parent. On the other hand, we often make the oldest watch out for the youngest and responsible for the youngest, so it's a real sticky trap we set for our oldest.

I think your 9 year old is hurting like crazy. Ask him what's wrong, ask him what to do. Listen without interrupting. Listen without telling him he's wrong. You think he wants to hurt everyone? I doubt it. I think he's ashamed of this and will spiral deeper and deeper if you guys don't do something different immediately.

I feel deep sadness for your 9 year old because you already say he is going to ruin you guys. He is a child. A child. A baby, still.

If he's not living with his dad and he's got all this upheavel in his life, you are supposed to teach him how to deal, you are supposed to comfort him. What you are doing now is SCAPEGOATING him. This is guaranteed to make him sicker and sicker. You must stop.

Your attitude is very damaging to him. You must face that you and your husband have created this situation - not your poor child. Look at this differently and start to solve it before you ruin your 9 year old's life - and then you'll all have heck to pay.

Answer 3

This is a tough one. I'm getting the idea that your husband is not the father of your child? Your nine your old is feeling resentful and hurt and angry and he's not knowing how to deal with is feelings. You need to make sure you are spending time alone with him, and trying to get him to talk about things. Make sure at least once a week you have a day that is just you and him, he needs to know he is important to you still. At the same time, you have to let him know his behaviour is not going to be accepted, this will only lead to bigger and worse things. It really wouldn't hurt to take him to a counselor. Family therapy might help too, but your older child needs his own counseling. Most communites have resources for families so the counseling doesn't have to be a financial strain. Good Luck to your whole family on this.

Answer 4

sounds like the 9yr old is jelouse of the 3 yr old. do u treat them the same. and if u think ur kids are gonna ruin ur marrage that u 2 have alot more problames than the kids. cause kids should not ruin ur marrage. unless there is more to it. like thay are not his kids or something like that but still ur husband should have some say so on how to punish the kids. spanke the 9yr olds butt or put him in time out or take away privlages. and as for the 3 yr old u need to figure out wwhat the 3 yr old is doing to get the 9yr old to yell at him. and do u or ur husband yell at the 9yr old. if so thats y he yells at the 3 yr old. try takeing the 9yr old to counceling to figure out y hes lieing and doing what he is doing

Answer 5

Sorry to say this but he probably learned this from you all in how he was treated. Nonetheless, you can correct this type of behavior if you model good behavior to emulate, especially from your husband since he's a guy and the 9 year old will look to him for cues on how to behave not only with 3 year old but with everyone.

Answer 6

Right now you are letting him run the house. So first decide he is not going to run the house you are or you will get nowhere.

I have custody of two of my grandkids, they did the same stuff when I got them.

Take control, time outs and time in that room all alone will stop him as long as you take charge of the household.

I can go out there now and ask my grandkids, who runs this house you or me and they will say you do, you do.

The like it too. Kids do not really want to run a house, they want love and discipline. You can do it, TAKE CHARGE.

You know mine still misbehave, that is being a kid, they still argue, but when I say stop, it stops.

Answer 7

Whip his A-SS. Take off his clothes and whip his A-SS. I know it sounds wrong but if you can't control your child especially at his age, switch to plan B. If that bad a-ss lil boy is going to ruin you. Whip his A-SS. ***** time out or go in your room or you can't watch TV and or go outside. That s-hit doesn't work. And everytime he lies to you,pluck him on his mouth until he gets tired of lying. It's not abuse. It's disclipline. Believe me.

Answer 8

Check and see if they have a S.T.E.P. parenting class in your area. they will give you so many ideas you wont believe what you will learn, and how much your 9 yr old will change.

Answer 9

i would give him up for adoption