Why do so many parents think it's more important to buy their kids stuff than discipline and guide them?

Question

It's unfortunate how some people who may have been poor as kids and grew up to be sucessful feel they should give their kids lots of material things but neglect to give them what is most important: love, discipline, guidance, praise, moral and spiritual instuction, and personal time. Often these kids wind up becoming spoiled brats who can't make it in the real world and can't show love or compassion to others. I feel that gifts from the parent should always teach the child in turn to be unselfish and giving. Therefore it's better to limit the number of presents they give to their kids. The REAL gifts parents give their kids are what I mentioned so many fail to give.

Answer 1

Because the parents have spoiled themselves and don't want to be bothered with the kids, they just don't want to spend the time with them to teach them right from wrong, correct behavior, good manners and proper etiquette. If you look at most parents today, they had their first kid in their 30's which means that they spent a good part of the beginning of their adulthood spending money on themselves and worrying only about themselves. They think it would be chic to have a kid and then find out it's actually work. It's work to change the diapers, feed the kid and make sure he/she is changed and napped....so they hire a 'mothers helper'. Then they find out that the kid needs guidance and they just bribe the kid to 'behave' with candy or toys. And then when the kid starts school and misbehaves or gets bad grades, they blame the schools. What a horrible pattern this sets up for the kid in the future.

In reality, if you start when the child is young teaching them proper behavior then all you have to do is reinforce it as they grow up, to me that's the easy way.

Answer 2

Often the parents are both working so the material gifts become presents for their absence of not being home. Ålso, they could be older parents that have no patience and no concept of how to raise children because daycare and/or a sitter is available to take that responsibility. These days very few parents have the luxury of staying home and after working all day the last thing they want to deal with is an unhappy child so out comes the material stuff rather than the discipline.
I have seen more disrespectful children these days than when I was growing up. I blame their parents for that and feel they should take the time to raise and nurture these children.

Answer 3

There are still a few good parents out there that instill the value of a dollar bill, make the time, praise, guidance, love and discipline and instill morals. But I do see how parents try to keep up with society which in turn puts them into debt. Society puts pressure on both parents and children to have the latest, best of everything. The emotional needs are lost. We all need to bring that back for the sake of our children. Often parents work excessively to pay for the house, car, electric, telephone, Internet, credit cards, insurance, food, just to name a few and try to make sure their children have the best and the latest to keep up with our current society. Yes I agree, parents should not feel that they have to give their children everything. They need to learn responsibility. Today's society is here and now, and not to save or worry about the future. We need to change that somehow.

Answer 4

It's easier to shut them up for two whole seconds so that they can do what THEY want to do, then to take the time out to correct their children, that's why. Actually spending time with and raising your children takes work, and we live in a want it yesterday right now society...nobody has time for their kids anymore...and all the priorities are messed up...everyone's focused on all the material things out there. I'd like to kindly remind everyone that when you die, there isn't a UHAUL attached to your coffin, sorry, you can't take it with ya folks. I'd rather leave my children with wisdom and loving discipline than the latest fad, because really what will it matter five years from now????? It's pure selfishness...that's the only honest answer I have for you guy. Sorry.

Answer 5

It's all about being "friends" with your children these days. That's sad because children don't need more friends, they need parents to guide and discipline and of course love them. Our society has made parents of today afraid of making their children mad or letting them pitch a fit in the grocery store because they can't have a candy bar. Everybody looks at the parents like they are abusing the poor kid just because he/she isn't smiling. I think we all need to go back to the times of knowing where aour children are, who they are with, what they are doing and knowing their friends parents. We shouldn't have to keep up with a child by using a cell phone!!! And I also think we should be able to punish our children without fear of the state taking them away.

Answer 6

I totally agree with you!!!! I think the problem with most parents these days is that they want their children to "like" them. So they get the child everything the child wants, don't say no, don't set limits, coddle coddle coddle, and therefore their children never learn to respect them. Then since the children do not respect their parents, the parents have no control of them and the child feels they do not have a "safety net" (strong parents who can set and stick by a limit provide a safety net). Children scream for limits! Plus they never allow their children to fail and when the children grow they cannot handle failure because they have never experienced it. You're right.

Answer 7

Because people are obsessed with keeping up with the Jones'. LOL I was and finally realized the err of my way and the children typically only get a few things for birthday and christmas and back to school (under 250 per kid per event) when I used to spend upward of 1000.00. They are now more obedient and truly appreciate everything they recieve it was the best parenting decision I have made thus far!

Answer 8

Lazy parenting. It's easier than "being the bad guy". As a divorced dad, I was always aware of that temptation, but usually resisted it. Result is my son and I were and are very upfront with each other (he's 24) and he was/is a nice, polite, decent, and very independent, free-thinking individual. He knew who was the authority figure, but he never felt threatened and I treated him with respect - even when I had to discipline him. I always made it clear to him why.

Answer 9

Most of the people I know do just that. They use the excuse that they want to give their kids things that they did not gat as a child. Money does not buy the real tools children need!!

Answer 10

well you did a good job putting it out there... and I agree with everything you said 100% and more.... parents seem to be buying what they should be getting free, RESPECT ! they just dont realize it is NOT working, it is in fact, working the opposite.... *sigh*, I feel sorry for the kids who are being brought up this way... they are the ones that are missing out on life... life is not this thing we call progress... progress is eating up life....... so thanks for your imput and straight talk... I just pray more parents, well, I pray a LOT of parents or soon to be parents read what you wrote here... maybe God will open up a few hearts thru this....... God bless