How do I tell my parents...?

Question

My mother took a job at a college that costs 30k+ to attend because one of the benefits is that her children get to attend for free. She has been working there for over 5 years and I just started last year (I am almost 24) I have been in the pre-med program because I want to get into dental school. But lately, I have decided that as much as I want to be a dentist, I do not want to be in school for that long. My fiance is almost 30 and we just want to start our lives. Anyways, I have been looking into Dental hygiene school because they make good money, I love dentistry, and it is a 2 year program. However, the school I attend now does not have that program. I would have to transfer schools and if I did that then there goes all my moms hard work. The last time I even mentioned the slightest hint that I did not want to become a doctor they got pretty pissed. How do I tell them that I have made different decisions? And have them actually support me on this?

Answer 1

You can start you life by being honest with your parents. They will be hurt but explain to them that you can still becoem a dentist in the future. All your hard work will not be lost. You can be a hygienist and still study to be a dentist if this is what you truly want. Be open, honest and above board with them. They will still love you.

Answer 2

If you are 24 and engaged (assuming you live on your own) then your parents should be happy that you wish to continue with any kind of education at all. YOU are an adult and should make your own decisions. If your parents can't at least see that you want to be happy (med-school obviously doesn't give you happy thoughts) then maybe they care more about how much money you will have to help them in the future. Think about it, some parents are more concerned with their childrens paychecks because they want to know that after 18-25 years of raising and supporting and paying for their kids, that a time will come when the kids can take care of the parents. I say, if these people truly feel this way, they aren't parents and are definitely NOT deserving of a childs love. A child is not born to be a parents care taker. Maybe some turn out to be out of the kindness of their hearts, but it should NOT be expected. Maybe if they really care and you are close, you could sit them down and explain that what you want to do and what you are doing may not pay the same , and let them know you wish to continue with your (degree, certificate, etc.) but that you choose a different field.

Hopefully they will understand that your life is YOUR LIFE and you are going to do what it takes to make YOU happy. If they can't accept that...........bummer.

Answer 3

I can only tell you school is not easy to pay for. I am 27 and never had the chance to go to college because my fiance, who was 31 at the time, wanted to start a family. I am now a single mother of two children and have no college education. I have to work low paying jobs-2 of them-just to make ends meet.

You should not be ungrateful to your mom. She sacrificed working at a job for years that she very well may not have if she knew that you would change your mind.

I wish that we could trade places just for a day so you can really see what it is that you have.

Good luck! I hope that you do the right thing for you, your family(even those which are not born or conceived yet)and all others concerned.

Answer 4

First, consider well, why your mother would like you to stick with the longer university course and residency. She may be well aware of what life is like when you don't have enough education or certification to get a good salary.

Being older, she is much more knowledgeable in issues such as retirement and how much savings THAT will take, housing expenses, the expense of having children, saving for THEIR college. You have a unique opportunity NOW. Almost no one has the chance to 'go back and do it again.' So, before you make that step, think hard.

YOu say you want to start life? Think about it, working as a dental tech is going to get old. And you'll be working. 9-5, routine, starting a household, etc. It's work either way, so you might as well be working toward that degree and Board Certifciation that your parents advise you to get. That's the view of a guy who didn't stay in and get all his credentials, and now is trying to get them midlife. It's way harder, and can get very discouraging.

So, I am with your mother. Stay in and get your education while it's affordable, while your mother is making it possible for you to get a free education. Even though you are impatient to start your life together, you will both be glad when you can take those dream vacations, buy the house you really like, and be able to afford YOUR children the life you would like them to have. Good luck, patience, courage, and enjoy life together!

Answer 5

The only way to do it is to tell her. I really hope that they can appreciate your decision. There is no easy way to do it, no way to soften it for them. It was her decision to take that job so her kids can go there for free, not yours. It is your decision to become a hygienist rather then a dentist, which you can actually make FANTASTIC money doing. A friend of mine was making $34/hr temping as a hygienist. And not finishing college will not be the end of you and your life. Don't worry about that. Many, many people don't have college degrees and do just fine and some even better then those who spent 12 years in school.

I assume that you have other brothers and/or sister who she hopes to attend or who already have attended. She can and should continue working there so that they can have the choice to go there.

Answer 6

There are two ways to think about this.

One - you realize all the sacrifice and support your parents have put into your educational desires, so suck it up and complete what you've started.

Two- you can be honest with your parents about your desires and come to some sort of middle ground. Maybe it doesn't mean as much to your parents that they've sacrificed or made changes for you as much as your happiness does.

I'd say either way you need to realize that not everyone has such supportive, caring and safricing parents. Some people have to pay for their own college and go where they can afford. Just know that whatever you choose I'm sure your parents will support and love you just the same. Don't drive yourself crazy over it - just make the best decision for everyone.

Good luck to you!

Answer 7

You have to preface the discussion by telling your parents that you realize how much they have worked & sacrificed to help you get through college. First acknowledge what they have done for you, and how much you respect their efforts. Then tell them that you hope that in return they will respect your decision to change careers/schools. Maybe soften it by saying that right now you want to enter the workforce full time as a dental hygienist--still in the same field; however you are leaving the option open to attend dental school sometime in the future. Offer to pay for the dental hygiene program tuition yourself.

Answer 8

You are 24 years old and your mother is still having to make arrangements for you education? That's just wrong. I'm sorry. I don't think you are ready to "start your life" with a husband. You haven't figured out had to have your OWN life.

You ask your mother how much you owe her for your education and you pay her back. You would have to pay back a student loan. Instead, she was--more or less--an indentured servant in exchange for education costs.

Contact the school. Find out how much your education would have cost up to this point. Then you write your mother a check or you make arrangements with a bank to get a loan to pay her off, and then you do what most 24-year old people do. They behave like adults!

I'm sorry, but you are not a child anymore. Grow a spine and go talk to your mother. If she yells and screams, then sit there in the chair until she's finished. Then, hand her the check for what you owe here. Since, you would have been adult enough to have determined that amount in advance!!!!

You are a grown woman. Act like one!

Answer 9

You should stay in the pre-med program. It will pay off later. If you stick with this, the sky is the limit. If you go to Hygiene school, you're stuck in a mid-level job forever. If you are going to school for free, why not get the better degree? Maybe you will have to wait longer to "start your life," if you mean get into a career, but your life will be better if you stick with it. You can get married and have kids all in school - just don't quit!

Answer 10

You need to explain your choices in better terms than "i really dont want to be in school that long" because that makes you sound like a baby and lazy. Also, dentists assistants don't make as much as the dentists themselves so you need to consider what is most important to you. If you are expecting them to support you financially then you can pretty much forget about it. Also, why did it take you so long to go to college? Will you be satisfied with just being a dentists assistant if it turns out that u and your fiance don't get married? Or if you guys get divorced years down the road?

Answer 11

It's a tough situation, but you're 24 years old. Your parents are going to have to get over running your life. It's yours now. Your mother made her decision, and she should have counted up the cost when she made it: that you might decide you didn't want to go to school at all. If they were banking on you following through and made their decision in reliance on it, I could see how they would be EMOTIONAL, but they really need to be RATIONAL. A cost benefit analysis would have helped them here.
I understand where you're coming from...I quit a program and my parents got upset, but it comes down to your own happiness. If you make a mistake by being a hygienist instead of a dentist/doctor, then you have to deal with the consequences, not your parents. Therefore, they need to respect your decision, assume that you've thought it through because you're not a child anymore, and love you REGARDLESS.