This is very sad to say but my daughter hates me and I feel the same way.?

Question

We have been through so many bad things and people tell me it is the age (she is 16) I really wish I could throw her out but I know I can't. She is the most selfish person I have ever known. We have nothing in common and don't even speak. I really do not like her. She does nothing around the house, she is lazy and if she doesn't get her way...forget about the battles that go on. I really can't even stand her face or even the sound of her voice. It is a very sad sad situation.

Answer 1

If the father is around, maybe you should have a talk with him about how you feel. Let him be the aggressor and put his foot down to her. If he's not in the picture, try family counseling.

Good luck to you both

Answer 2

Yea, I would recommend counseling. I am 21 and I don't get a long with my parents all that well but I would hate to hear they hate me. You know. Hate is a strong and powerful word. Most kids at 16 are like that. Also, communication is the key to healthy relationships. So, try talking to her and open up to what really hurts you about her actions. Also, give her incentives to help out around the house and don't reward bad behavior. If your daughter is being disrespectful then there needs to be a punishment for her actions. Also, it is hard to find things in common with someone that is soo much younger then you. My mom and I just talk about things that are going on in my life and in her life. Also, you should make sure she is not into drugs or drinking. I am not saying she is but many kids that shun there parents away are doing somethng they should not be doing. So, focus on being her MOM and not her friend. Find that balence but I can tell u that being her Mom is far more important then being her FRIEND.

Also, try to understand your daughter may just be upset and having peer problems and she may feel alone.

Read parenting books and talk to a councelor and have your child get counceling too.

Answer 3

It's perfectly normal to be angry towards your daughter. I agree though about the family counseling. If you don't fix this now, it's going to come back and get you. Trust me this I know. A lot of it is her age, she's testing her bounderies and it doesn't sound as though your setting any at all. It sounds like your just tired of the whole mess and would rather wish it would go away. Which it won't. Even if she did move out your always her mother and you have a responilbilty to her. I've been in a similar situtation with my daughter and now it's come back to kick me in the butt. When she is grown and on her own she'll understand {sooner or later} that she was acting wrong. But like it or not she's a teenager and unless YOU set the boundries and make some rules and ENFORCE ENFORCE ENFORCE you will never get past this. Do you want to miss out on future grandchildren because of this? Do you really hate your daughter or do you just have so much anger built up that it just *feels* like hate? Why battle with her? YOU are the adult you are in charge. You should act like it. I'm sorry I know I sound harsh and I swear to God I don't mean to but I can honestly tell you that when she grows up and is gone you will miss her. Or she will try to make you even more upset by blaming her for everything that goes wrong in her little part of the world. It's just the way it is right now, but you don't have to keep it that way.
My recommendation? Go to a parenting class, or an anger class. Get some counseling. Write down the things about your daughter that you do like, come on there's gotta be something! You cannot hate everything.
As for her? I would have her in couseling as well sounds like she has some issues that maybe you do or do not know about. She also sounds like a life skills class and an anger mangement class would do her well too.
It's up to you to help her grow into a responible adult, it sounds to me, that at this point in time you're not doing that.
I'm very sorry {having let myself feel the same way before} that you're going through this. There is some good in your daughter and in you. How do you feel about yourself? Are you possibly seeing things in your daughter that you really hate about yourself? Usually what we dis like about other is what we really dislike about ourselves. Life is not easy and parenting a teen is even harder but you are her mother, even if it's hard you have to act like one. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

You need to go get counseling for the both of you.
She needs her mother, and likely, because her age, doesn't realize it. It sounds like you expected this to be easier than it is, and you want to give up because you can't see what rewards there could be from all of the struggle.
Quit fighting with her. My take on this tiny bit of info is that she doesn't respect you, and you don't respect her. She's not going to what she's told now, she thinks you're an idiot who hates her.
Go ask an outside party to mediate some agreements and set some boundaries for the both of you. You need to keep trying to be her mom, because as nasty a person as you think she is right now, where will she end up if she doesn't have a strong mom to guide her back into what's right?
Of course you have something in common, you're both human. You need to start over.

Answer 5

Sounds like to me you started off on the wrong foot when she was younger and she got away with alot things without proper punishment , the only 2 solutions I see is 1 you could seek family counseling or 2 send her butt to boot camp to learn respect the hard way, there to many kids out there right now that has no respect or regard for others and the law is hardly any help, she is 16 & for the next 2 years she is your responsibilitie unless she files for imancipation, then she can get out on her own and grow up & learn the hard way,,,,,HOPE THAT HAS BEEN HELPFUL TO YOU IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS THAT BAD

Answer 6

Yeah, I agree with some of the other answers, this sounds like a situation for some family counseling. Definitely seems like a communication breakdown has occurred. Part of it is just the age, but this seems a little more than the norm.

Answer 7

damn that's some hard a@@ sh!t to say about your daughter. trust me i also have a 26 yr old and a 17 yr old and believe me it was not always a bed of roses but even when i thought my daughter was gonna give me a nervous break down i never stopped loving her and trust me when she was a teen it was a real struggle but i stood my ground and loved her with tough love and today she is a wonderful mother as well and a person maybe you should do some soul searching and find out what's really good and find out whats up with yourself trust me most of us have teens just like your daughter and we don't hate our kids please rethink your thoughts and see if your not the real problem sometimes as parents we tend to loose insight and not realize when we are not right and our children will respond in a way that will make it worst so you start to think it's the kids and it's really you, please go for help before it's to late or one of you does or says something that you will regret mostly you mom

Answer 8

This question really hit a nerve for me. My mother and I have been estranged for 14 years. Growing up, she often told me she didn't like me and we fought constantly.

Estrangement is like the amputation of an important part of ourselves. I often feel like an untethered balloon floating in the wind; homesick, but not knowing where home is. I don't have a mother; I have an hole in my heart where my mother should be.

I do hope you and your daughter receive counseling and are able to work through your issues. I believe that the relationship we have, or don't have with our mothers, defines all the other relationships in our life.

Best of luck to you in navigating this difficult time.

Answer 9

This is so sad to hear. I'm sorry you are struggling so. I would hope you would want to salvage your mother/daughter relationship. Perhaps try some counseling. Maybe there are some other issues each of you can address individually, too, to bring you both back to functioning as a family unit. Good luck!

Answer 10

Heres an idea, kick her out and let her learn on her own that life will bit you on the butt. Its not good that you hate her, but it sounds to me like she could use a rude awakening. There is no reason why a 16 yr old should act like that. im 17 and i was toguth better than to treat my mother like that. So, give her the wakeup call shes needs. By law shes old enough anyway.