My bf is catholic and wants to marry me. I however am not catholic. So what would i be expected to do?

Question

what i am wanting to know is what would i be expected to do seeing as in i am not catholic.also, what about children in the marriage? I would rather any children follow my religion because i do not fully agree with the catholic chruch and some of thier views. I am not trying to offend any one this is just my opinion.would i have to give up my religion and become catholic? any info on the marriage of catholics and non-catholics would be greatly appreciated. thank you

Answer 1

--is Catholic---

Here is the straight stuff (no fuzzies):

You do not need to give up your religion to marry a Catholic.

Essentially you would be marrying into the Catholic Faith. Mixed faith marriages can be tricky especially if one of the spouse is more into their faith than the other. Do not be surprised if the religious differences become more pronounced over time. It might not be important now, but after children enter into the picture and raising them Catholic becomes a reality, it can get rough. Contrary to popular opinion, raising your kids in dual faiths tends to create agnostics/atheists not more religious people. That is why the Church insists that her children be raised only Catholic.

That is why the Catholic Faith has some guidelines.

First Catholics are allowed to marry non-Catholics, (first though you need to get the local bishop's permission for a mixed form marriage if you are Christian (definition= you have a Trinitarian baptised), a mixed cult marriage if you are not a Christian. It is easy talk to your parish priest. If you are a Christian and want to marry in your community, you need a dispensation from form.) I highly recommend that you and your boyfriend sit down and read the book of Ruth and the Song of Songs (Canticle of Canticles) right away. That will give you a basic scriptural understanding of how important marriage is and how the faith question is resolved.

Here is the basic list to get the ok to get the permissions,

1. Have to go through Catholic marriage prep.
2. Be willing to practice the Catholic understanding of marital relations (ie no condoms).
3. Be open to having children when God gives them to you.
4. Understand and accept that the marriage lasts until the death of the spouse (no divorcing and remarrying while the spouse lives).
5. Promise to not try to convert your spouse away from Catholicism.
6. Promise to not impede in any way your spouse's obligations to the Catholic Faith and the growth of their spiritual life.
7. Promise to have your children baptized Catholic within a few weeks of their birth.
8. Promise to raise your children in and ONLY IN the Catholic Faith.
9. Promise to not impede in any way your children's obligations to the Catholic Faith and the growth of their spiritual life.

There are other issues but the priest through marriage prep will deal with them.


A NOTE: If your local priest doesn't go through the above numbered steps during the marriage prep, he is not up on his duties and it would be benefitual to locate a better priest. At the time of marriage, not believing in those things brings into question the validity of the marriage especially if one, either openly or in secret intends to do directly the opposite.

To learn more about the Catholic faith at a very easy level please see

http://www.scripturecatholic.com...
http://www.catholic.com

If you want something more advanced (but not by much) try
Encyclopedia of Catholic Doctrien by Shaw
Church History by Laux
The Founding of Christendom by Carroll

Answer 2

You don't have to convert. However, you may be required to raise your children Catholic whether you agree with the Catholic Church or not. Also, because Catholics consider marriage a Sacrament, there is a lot of preparation involved. The Church requires a six-month period of preparation before marriage, where you discuss the sacrament with both your priest and your sponsor couple.

Keep in mind that you are marrying a person with his own faith and beliefs. Make sure you talk about all of this stuff before marching down the isle. It's possible, and highly likely, that the Church will not bless the marriage if there is zero compromise. And I wouldn't bless a one-sided marriage, either.

The important thing is to discuss all of these things, keep your faith as the central discussion point when talking about getting married. Don't blow it all off and wait until after the wedding to realize that your faiths might hurt your chance of having a successful marriage. The last thing you want is religion being a wall between you.

Answer 3

This is something you have to talk about several times with your boyfriend before seriously considering marriage.
If you want to marry in a Catholic church you will have to convert to Catholicism. This means taking classes and then doing the Catholic sacraments. If religion doesn't mean much to you you might not mind. But if it is important then it would be hypocritical to go through these steps if you didn't believe them.
It is very possible to have a mixed marriage. But you should work out ahead of time how the kids will be raised. Will you expose them to both religions and let them decide when they are older? It's an option, though it can confuse them. If you don't want them raised Catholic, then will your boyfriend accept this?
Don't marry and then hope it will all work out. As long as you both come up with an option that you both agree to live with then it will be fine. Otherwise there could be a lot of friction and unhappiness to come. Sit down with him and talk, you should be able to work it out. I suggest discussing it several times because even if you think you have it worked out at first, second and third thoughts might come up. So make it an ongoing dialogue.

Answer 4

Normally you would be required to raise any children in the Catholic beliefs if you are married to a Catholic. These days you will find different rules in different churches as no two priests will tell you the same thing. It is more a do as you want and it will be accepted as long as the kids are raised in the Catholic church. If you do not believe all the beliefs of the Catholic church, why are you considering marrying into the church with a Catholic? The bible states very clearly not to marry outside your faith or it will mean lots of trouble. If it was me, I would find another boyfriend that was of my belief. It will save you a lot of trouble and heartache.

Answer 5

I am not sure you are ready to be married if you are asking us instead of talking with him and his priest.

I have three suggestions. My wife wasn't Catholic when I met her but she became Catholic later, much to my surprise. It wasn't for me, it was for her. She was Mennonite, part of the original anabaptist communities.

First, attend the Catholic Mass for several months. Listen to it, judge it, ask questions about it and look at your service. Remember this community has been doing this since the year 33 like this. There is a good reason for everything and everything comes from the Apostles. You are looking at a Mediterranian religion that became a global religion. It won't look like many of America's home grown Christian religions that lost their ties to the ancient churches.

Second, I would read "Rome, Sweat Home," by Scott and Kimberly Hahn. They were both Presbyterian ministers and scripture scholars. He was a leading Protestant theologian. By accident he came across a brilliant work on scripture and after reading it realized it was a Catholic work. His nightmare continued as he came across more and more Catholic works and realized they were better grounded in scripture than they were. His wife's goal was to be a minister's wife. Her dad and her brothers were Presbyterian ministers. They called other presbyterian ministers for help. Scott's problem got worse when the ministers they called for help converted to Catholicism. Scott ultimately converted but Kimberly did not. This created an enormous chasm in their marriage and she felt very betrayed and angry at God. Ultimately, for her own reasons she converted too. I am not suggesting you convert, but I am suggesting you understand what happens to marriages when one person believes one thing and the other person another. You are quite young. This problem isn't a large one. What would you do if in twenty years he decides to become Buddhist or an Athiest.

3) Attend a Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults program. Don't do it to convert but because it is a great place to learn, it is a great place to ask questions and it is a great place to push back against what you perceive to be wrong and it is a loving place.

Answer 6

You aren't really married unless it is in the Catholic church (or at least in the catholic world view) so this is really something that you need to talk to your boyfriend about. He might be thinking that you would be willing to convert before the wedding.

As for the kids, if you two decide to have children, why not let them choose which they want to be. Don't baptize them into either church and just let them find their religion in their own time.

Answer 7

You need to decide these thing way ahead of time. I understand your concerns. The catholic faith teaches about a very judgmental god of revenge and punishment. Their beliefs in my opinion are more of an insult to the real God than a religion. I was raised catholic, but I have never allowed anyone to teach my children anything other than the fact that there is a loving force in the universe that cares for them deeply.

To me the rest is all nonsense.

love and blessings
don

Answer 8

In a Catholic marriage, both husband and wife must help each other achieve salvation.

If you have children, you must raise them Catholic. You probably won't have to convert to Catholicism. Forcing someone to convert is a sin. (you've probably seen too many movies where they force conversion, but that's all lies)

Many people think bad things about Catholics because they hear only the lies of Atheists and Protestants. Its sad.

Answer 9

This is something you and him need to discuss. My advice would be that if he can't acept your beliefs and is unwilling to compromise, he is not worth marrying.

My parents were not very religious when they married. My mother was rasied catholic and my father was raised catholic also, but later converted. I was always allowed to choose my own path and am currently not practicing any religion. There were some fights and problems between my mother and father (and of course my family was more than willing to give their opinions) but in the end there was no serious damage to anyone's relationships.

Answer 10

Do not put him in the position where he must choose between you or his Catholic faith, as this would put both him and his family in a tight spot. Not to mention, it is a grave lack of respect for both him and all of us who are Catholics. Talk to him. Also, talk to a good priest who can answer your questions about the faith. There are many misconceptions about Catholicism, and I think that having a good discussion with a compassionate, educated Catholic can help you work out some of your issues with the Church.