My 8 yr old son is very argumentative....?

Question

Not only that but his tone is very disrespectful. I would like to teach him that he can have a voice but he seems to take this freedom and run like hell with it. I don't want to squash his freedom of speach but i feel like i have to just to have a conversation with him. I told him yesterday that every time he starts argueing with me i will make him go to his room whether or not he has a valid arguement. Its so hard to have a discussion and explain to him why he is wrong and i am right when his tone is so rude!!! And its hard for me not to be rude back wich just escalates the problem. Any suggestions?? No spanking, no time out, they don't work with him.

Summer r.... there is a difference between arguing and discussing. When he argues he speaks very rudely. If he speaks to me respectfully i have no issue hearing him out. but he just reacts to "no" or "why" or any thing else with a raised voice or whine.

I like the writing idea... at home anyway... it wouldn't work in the car... but its an excellent idea and i may just use it!

Answer 1

He has to learn how to speak and debate in a respectful way. If he cannot comply, take away privleges. Speak to him in a respectful tone and let him know how he should be speaking and why his privleges are being taken away.

Answer 2

You can help him but telling him to write down why he feels he should do whatever he wants, this way you will help him to develop his problem solving skills, work on his writing skills and avoid talking to you in a disrespectful tone. Don't hold discussion with him anymore, until after he writes out what he wants to do and why? After you read his essay if you still disagree with what he wants to do then have him expand is writing by research. If he refuse to write; then say no to everything he ask until he starts to write. The most important thing to do is to be consistent, if you decide to do this, do it all the time, until he can learn how to talk to you in a respectful tone. If this continues you are going to have a hard time with him when he becomes a teenager.

Answer 3

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Your house is NOT run as a democracy; kids do NOT get a vote.

In other words, the kids do as they are told - no discussion on the matter - or they get punished. This can range from time outs (not time in the bedroom- they learn NOTHING there) in a corner with NO distractions, to restriction to having things (x-box, gameboy, music, friends, whatever) taken away, to extra chores in their "free" time to loss of allowance.
There are a TON of creative, non-hostile ways to handle misbehavior. You need to get a handle on this NOW before it gets completely out of control.

Sit down and have a family meeting instructing EVERYone in the household how things are going to work, and the punishments that will result from lack of respect, poor conduct, etc. Then institute the new method immediately (and be VERY careful to never yell - this undermines the entire plan) and without leniency. I guarantee that there will be a massive attitude adjustment in a very short amount of time.

Sure he will scream and rail and tell you you're a horrible person, but who cares? YOU are his mother, and he WILL respect you, or he WILL learn to do without ... TV, games, friends, desert, free time, money, or whatever.

Answer 4

If your son is being disrespectful towards you it needs to be addressed. No matter what. If you don't believe in spanking then other forms of punishment are in order. You say time outs don't work, but many children act like they are not bothered by time outs when actually they are just bluffing. If you send to him to his room it is possible he has things in there that he can entertain himself with. Maybe you should send him to a place where there are no toys or other things to entertain him. One thing I found very effective as a punishment is writing sentences. " I will not raise my voice to my father" etc. Also ending the conversation when he becomes abusive is another way to show him that his behavior is unacceptable. Taking away privleges is a good tool. I also like Amy's idea about writing down his feelings (that combines sentence writing and reflection).
As far as squashing his freedom of speech goes, this is not a matter of freedom of speech it is a matter of respect. You should not allow the boy to believe that he can yell and bully people into his way of thinking.
Unfortunately punishing someone is a form of focing them to see things your way, but it is your duty to him as his parent to teach him the proper way to behave in our society.
Explaining your reasons (in detail) for what you are doing is a good way to get to him. It is very tedious, but at least it gives him a chance to see both sides of the situation and often works as a form a punishment in itself.

Answer 5

There is a disorder called "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" that is very rarely diagnosed, because doctors don't know a lot about it. It took me 8 years to get the right diagnosis for my son. The good news is that it can't be controlled with medication, but you can learn behavior modification techniques and get him some counseling that will eventually help.

If you need to talk, please email me.

Answer 6

Watch Super Nanny. I have an 8yr old and he and ALL his friends act the same way, it is their age. Give him clear guidelines and address his disrespect immediately by taking something away! Teaching him respect is a gift. They are a handful aren't they?

Answer 7

He is only a kid and he is already treating you so bad, if you don't do something Right Now, he will never respect you.

The idea to send him to his room any time he start argue with you is good. Some times Parents wants to give their kids to much freedom, kids forget who is the person with the authority, who is in charge there.

I am sorry to say this, but this is very "american free speech right" Parents are just leting their kids treat any adult in desrespectful way.

I will write a list of things you can do, but you need to be very firm and teach him you are in charge and not him.

1. Any time you try to talk to him and he start arguing back to you or if he start to scream to you, you will send him to his bedroom. Tell him he will be there until he get calm. Tell him he will not argue with you. Period. Do this any time he start arguing with you. Explain to him that he can talk without scream and he need to accept your desitions Because you are the adult there and not him. Do not scream to him.

2. If he doesn't change his actitute start taking away things he likes:

For example: If he likes to play Nintendo or something like that, take the game away and put it in the box.

Every time he start arguing with you or doing things in desrespectfull manner, take something he likes and put it in that box. And send him to his bed room.

Tell him you will give him back those things if he change his actitude.

If he does something good let him choose one thing from the box and give it back to him.

3. Give him work to do or make him help you to do work aroud the house: This is part of the discipline, maybe if he works around the house he will understand better you have the authority.

4. Give him time daily to say what he needs to say. But He will not scream or yeld at you. Listen to him. Then You tell him. "Now is my turn to talk". Respond to his issues, but always let him know you make desitions becuase you are the adult, not him. Try this, if he start arguing or screaming stop immediately, and send him to his bedroom and take one of his favotite things and put it in the Box. Next day try it again... ask him are you ready to talk to me? Do not scream to him.

5. Give him love and attention, play with him, help him with his School home work, (when the School starts of course) Take one day a week just for you and him, go out side, to eat pizza and play video games, take him to a museum, the zoo, to wacth a Movie. Ask him what he would likes to do. I think this would help to calm down his agresivity. Teach him good manners with people out side. Like: excuse me, thanks, etc. do this things kids learn a lot just observing and listening the adults around, if you are respectful with people he will be too.

Do not spank or hit him. I do not believe in spank or hit kids. I think if you teach him who is the adult and who has the authority in the house he will be obedient. I do Believe Authority and love is the perfect balance to make them understand they are in a safe enviroment and their agresivity will get down a lot. We need to let the kids know how much we love them and we do everything we could to give them what they need and protect them, and at the same time teach them we are the adults here, we decide and they need to accept we have the authority in our houses and not them.

Answer 8

I would say start taking away from him the things he takes for granted. Illustrating that the roof over his head falls into that category.

Answer 9

JUST WALK AWAY AND TELL HIM YOU WILL ARGUE WITH HIM WHEN YOU HAVE TIME...!!!

WHEN MY YOUNGEST SON STARTS TO ARGUE I TELL HIM I AM BUSY SO GO AWAY.....THEN I COMEBACK AND ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS BY THEN HE SLOWED DOWN HE CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT HE WANTS!! JUST FOCUS INTO THEIR EYES AND PRETEND TO AGREE ..THEN AFTER THAT TELL HIM HIS ARGUMENT IS POINTLESS!!

SOMETIMES IT IS GOOD TO ARGUE WITH KIDS THEY ARE VERY SMART!! THEY CAN SURPRISE YOU SOMETIMES!

IF I KNOW HE MAKES SENSE I TELL HIM HE IS RIGHT! AND I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HIS ARGUMENT IS SMART! IT IS GOOD TO ARGUE SOMETIMES.

IF HE GIVES YOU THE DISRESPECTFUL TONE TELL HIM TO REPEAT THE WORDS AGAIN BUT IN A SLOWER MANNER!! BUT YOU MUST FOCUS ON HIM!

I AM ARGUMENTATIVE SO I CAN ARGUE BACK AND MY SON WALKS AWAY AND SAY MOM YOU ARE SMART!

Answer 10

>.> you think it's bad now...wait until his hormones kick in about 14-15,lol, you are in for a time 0_0