my dad and my mom split up when i was 1, and we lived in russia. after they split up, my mom and me moved to america but he stayed there. we havnt communicated or anything since i was 1. his mom (my grandma) visits me almost every year and tries to tell me about him. but about 2 years ago when i was 12, we started emailing each other. but still no phone call or visit from him. in his last email to me, he wrote that he would love for me to visit. and i dont know what to do. my mom doesnt really like to talk about him, but i'm sure she wouldnt mind me visiting him. he got remarried and now has another daughter. i have mixed emotions about visiting him. i mean in a way, i want to see him and everything. but then again what will happen when i do? will i see his new family and realize that he kind of forgot about me? or should i wait until he visits (if he ever will) i'm really worried and i have no idea what i should do. if anyone can help me figure it out, please do. thanks!
2006-07-31 06:44:29 · 13 answers · asked by hi 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he offered to pay my ticket, but that doesnt matter to me. i guess i'm kind of holding a grudge against him because he hasnt visited, or called me. i mean emailing is better than nothing, but its so inpersonal. i really just have to idea what to do. this is so hard!
2006-07-31 06:52:20 · update #1
I can tell yo ufrom experience as a dad that hasn't seen his daughter since she was 1, and now she's 24. I have been searching for her for the last 6 years (there were legal complications I won't go into here, if you want to know just contact me and I'll be happy to explain) and found her about 4 months ago and we have been communicating through email. she has told me that she has the same concerns as you..abotu how weird it is and everything. But let me just say that from a dad's perspective, I am dying to see her...I'm losing my mind. i've thought about her almost every day for the last 23 years. i'm trying to be good and patient and all that, but it's not easy. I have also remarried and she now has a brother and two younger sisters. They would all welcome her as a sister. right now is really hard on me because she calls me by my first name in the emails and I knopw it's weird for her but that kind of hurts. What dad wouldn't want their daughter to call them Daddy? Also I'm leary of calling her sweetheart, honey, baby all the things I call my other girls. It's not easy. but my suggestion would be to ask him if you can bring a friend so you would feel more comfortable with someone you know with you. I suggested that to my daughter the other day and am waiting her answer...I did offer to pay for her friends travel too...but thats only from Arizona to Maryland. But fi you want him to come to you first...tell him so, and tell him why.
2006-07-31 08:12:11 · answer #1 · answered by flashpro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be relieved to know that you're dad would love to see you, and also very cautionary as to how such a visit would go. No wonder your emotions are so mixed! Anyway, I don't think you should go all the way to Russia just yet. Of course, this is just my opinion but I think you should continue writing to your dad and telling him all about your life. You might even consider sending him a video of yourself! Show him your house, your town, you...! And when you reach the age of 18, then if you still want to go visit him in Russia - do it! At least you'll be an adult and there shouldn't be any risk in not being able to return home if you travel there on your own now. He really should come and visit you; but he may not like traveling. You just never know a person's reasoning. We don't all get great dad's... but that doesn't mean we have to worry and not have a great life. You sound like a great kid. Take care of yourself, ok? Concentrate on your education and your future career path. YOU are what's most important!
2006-07-31 06:56:51 · answer #2 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel he's forgotten about you. I think he should pay for you to go visit if he can, or maybe your mother and father should split the cost. She is the one who brought you here to America. I'm sure your father thinks of you all the time, and may even wonder of what might of been if your mom stayed with him. So he moved on with his life. That's a good healthy thing to do. Just because he has another family does not mean he does not love you. You have every right to visit him.
2006-07-31 06:50:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mention that your Mother wouldn't mind, however, have you talked to her. You are contemplating visiting a foreign country, with a man that your Mother does not get along with. What are your expectations of visiting your father? He can't make up for lost years and you will see him involved in another life that did not include you. Do you have a plane B if you get there and you are just not comfortable? I think he should visit Canada and you can go there to see him. Neutral grounds. Good luck.
2006-07-31 06:59:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for her and check out and get her to speak to her mother and father... By her speakme to them offers her extra choices on wether or no longer she needs to hold it and even adoption she has extra choices now than she's going to later. Her mother and father will discover out finally simply be certain it is not to overdue. And be a well buddy and check out and aid/consultant her to make the offerings she needs and no longer what any individual "needs" her to do considering she am has to manage it afterward in existence it doesn't matter what she comes to a decision... And like the lady earlier than stated her mother and father will develop to the notion and sure there is a hazard they're going to free it however the will not hurt her or the child. So inspire her to make her choices so that they can improvement her finally.
2016-08-28 15:05:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him that you don't feel that you are old enough to travel so far.
You should tell him that he needs to come visit you, here.
Tell him that you wish that he would have tried harder to keep in contact with you, and that you don't think you should visit him in his family home because you are afraid that it would upset you. You've been left out for so long, he should attempt to have a relationship with you before he introduces you to his family. If you were closer to him then you would not feel like an outsider who is intruding if you were to visit.
If he never comes to see you, that is his loss, but that is too much of a trip for you to make, and he is the adult. He needs to consider you and your needs, more than you need to consider him, and his needs.
Good luck, I hope he comes to see you.
2006-07-31 07:03:50 · answer #6 · answered by niffer's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is serious stuff and I understand your confusion. It's more feasible for you to go than for him to cross over the pond. Since you're e-mailing each other let him know about your fears, but not without letting your mom know that you have some fears.
Of course, the initial encounter is gonna be awkward. You may feel stupid on more than one occasion. But, cheer up! You're not the only one. Your father must be just as much apprehensive, not to count your stepsister.
But it's worth it to face that side of your personal history. You're brave!
2006-07-31 06:51:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well my parents have been divorced for a while and i have the same problem with my father if you want a relationship with him then do whatever you have 2 to make that happen and if you dont want to make the first move thats understandable but from what you have said it dont look like he is gonna do anything all you can do is pray about and leave it in god's hands and whatever he says to do then do that thats what i did
2006-07-31 06:51:18 · answer #8 · answered by sexy_enchanted2320032005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad was the same way. But a weekend or two together should be a great way to get to know each other! I can't make up your mind for you but if it was me I would go. Good luck!!
2006-07-31 06:49:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u should visit him and try to know ur sister and try to be close from ur dad...U'll need him in ur life...maybe if u don't visit him and he dies or something bad happened to him you'll hate urself...He seems he loves u so do it...it will be nice...
Please if u'll do it let me know...
Bye and good luck
2006-07-31 06:50:17 · answer #10 · answered by flying_spirit2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋