I am 18 and am seeing a guy who is 26. I love him and love being with him. The problem is, he's engaged but has decided that he doesn't love her and is going to leave her for me. He has talked about settling down and being together forever, which at first i thought was great, but now is scary because he is really genuine about leaving her which i never really believed he would. The problem is not that though, the problem is, even though i would love him to leave her so we can finally have a proper relationship, i am now thinking..i am 18, i dont want to settle down! But if i tell him this, surely i will lose him? But the thought terrifies me because i love him so much. I dont want him to change his life for me, only for me to say we shouldn't see each other exclusively. Because he wants me and only me. But i want to see other people as i get older. So do i let him leave her and see how i feel then? Or tell him and risk losing him?
2006-07-31 05:51:26 · 18 answers · asked by littledear 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you're already thinking of not being with him, then even though you love him is he really the person for you? I can completely understand why you wouldn't want to be tied down at 18.
Maybe it would help to think about why you started seeing someone who was with someone else? You've said that you never thought he would leave her. I can imagine that that made him feel like a safe bet - that you could have a relationship but never be faced with having to make a real commitment, which is completely understandable - commitment can be really scary. But now that it's coming to the crunch maybe it's time to think about what YOU (and sometimes you do just have to be really selfish about it!) really want before you end up causing more pain for yourself and the others involved. I think even if it hurts in the short term it's usually better to be strong and do what is best for yourself in the long term.
Good luck, I hope you manage to get it all sorted out and end up happy with whatever you decide.
PS - I really hope he has the guts to finish with his fiancée regardless of what happens with you - doesn't sound like she's done anything wrong and she deserves the chance to find someone who will love her properly and treat her well.
2006-07-31 06:18:21 · answer #1 · answered by pomme_blanche_2004 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You want to be with a man who would leave someone he is engaged to?
Whether you are 18 or 48 this is not the sort of man you want to be with!!!!!!
You need to tell him you want to see other people and if he is that unhappy in the relationship he is currently in then he should have left prior to meeting you!!!
You deserve to have some fun before you settle down and not with someone who thinks that they need to find someone else before leaving a current partner - how could you ever trust him!???
2006-07-31 07:11:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People like you make me sick!!!! I don't care if you so called love this guy, you are cheating on his girlfriend with him and that f***s me off. His poor girlfriend has no idea what a dick her boyfriend is and that some **** has been shagging him behind her back. Not only that but you have the cheek to not even want to be with him forever anyway. If you seriously believe that this sap won't do the same thing to you when he gets bored that he's doing with you to his girlfriend right now, then you really are a naieve 18 year old. Get a grip. Dump him and find someone who isn't already taken!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-31 07:10:52 · answer #3 · answered by Kerry B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three peoples lives are at stake here, and his fiancee seems to me to be the innocent party in all of this. If you are not ready to settle down & at 18 I think you are too young anyway, it would be totally unfair to let him destroy his relationship with his fiancee on your account... wouldn't it? And to do so would be very very selfish, you seem to want your cake & eat it too.....sorry you cant have it!Another thing to remember is that he has BETRAYED the trust with his fiancee by seeing you at the same time, and will more than likely do it again, only the next time you will be the injured party..... Leopards dont change their spots ... once a cheat, always a cheat. My advice is to leave him , let him rebuild his relationship with his fiancee & you spend the next couple of years doing what girls of your age do & enjoy it..... then if he's still around & single ...well who knows
2006-07-31 06:05:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now I don't want to be too straightforward or cynical here.. but what makes you think he won't do this exact thing to you??? He will. And to be honest, and I know this is probably an opinion that won't be widely received, but that is a fairly big age difference and I would imagine if you are already mentioning it, your plans will change and so will his. I always question what is wrong with the older person to make them keen to someone so much younger. JUST AN OPINION!! I know this is probably not what you want to hear but I think you should cut your loses and move on.
2006-07-31 06:01:31 · answer #5 · answered by Chloe McIntosh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be honest with him, for all the reasons you've given in your question. You already know he wants different things than you do, at least at this stage in your relationship. If you still want to see him then explain that, but you have to tell him you are not ready for a full time commitment. You may lose him, but you've said yourself that you want to see other people as you get older.... You may just get to start a little sooner than you expected!
2006-07-31 06:01:52 · answer #6 · answered by Nem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 25 i think of you are the right age to you whether its top or no longer ! out of your different posts this is glaring which you're depressed and pissed off, with no longer something occurring on your life.. do you think of an afternoon or 2 of casual intercourse with a woman who isn't obtainable to you is going to alter all that. ok you have a exciting time for the weekend, yet Monday morning, i'm optimistic you will experience undesirable approximately your self. This female needs her cake and consume it and while you're pleased with a no destiny fling, then decide for it, yet be arranged for her husband to confirm and probable pass once you
2016-11-03 09:25:55 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is full of decisions. We all make mistakes, and we all will in the future.
Go with your heart. Don't worry if it doesn't work out. Believe me, you will not feel this way in the future if it doesn't work. You will be stronger.
All I will add is that if you really want to enjoy your youth, then make sure you don't get pregnant.
You are thinking a lot about his life, but remember. This is your life you are talking about to, and it is just as important as anyone elses.
2006-07-31 05:59:25 · answer #8 · answered by JeffE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,you dont have to meet other ppl caz if this guy is making u happy,then y risk othr guys making u sad?And if this help dosent do the work,then just ask ur sis or cousin or ur mom or whoever is ur bestfriend cas that best friend will know better,and if that reason also dosent work then just follow ur heart.Good Luck Truly
2006-07-31 06:01:43 · answer #9 · answered by Lilac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm difficult one. I would say the best thing to do would be to tell him how you feel. If he's not happy with his gf he should leave her anyway, especially as he's been seeing you too. You may think you love him, and maybe you do, but I would say that you need to tell him and he needs to leave her. If you decide to stay with him afterwards then that is up to you but my advice is don't get too serious too young, you'll only regret it.
2006-07-31 05:57:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋