make me laugh or cry 2 points free, 10 points for the winner?

Answer 1

This is my favourite funny picture - I am sure it'll make you laugh - I wet myself when I first saw it - and it fit's in with the attitude that yahoo will delete this question by tomorrow.

Rikki xx

Answer 2

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya
after graduating from
college. On a hike through the bush, he came
across a young bull
elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed
distressed so Mbembe approached it very
carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected
the elephant's foot,
and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it. As
carefully and as
gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out
with his hunting
knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down
its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a
rather stern look on
its face, stared at him. For several tense
moments Mbembe stood
frozen, thinking of nothing else but being
trampled. Eventually the
elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked
away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events
of that day.

Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo
with his teenaged son. As they
approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and
walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu
were standing. The
large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted
its front foot off the
ground, then put it down. The elephant did that
several times then
trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the
man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe
couldn't help wondering if
this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up
his courage, climbed
over the railing and made his way into the
enclosure. He walked right
up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped
its trunk around one of
the man's legs and swung him wildly back and
forth along the railing,
killing him.

....... Probably wasn't the same elephant



OR:


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."



Both of these should make you laugh.

Answer 3

The boy who missed xmas. true story.
A little 3yr old boy had spent the morning of xmas day 1958 opening his presents, bought for him by his not very well off parents, with his 6 brothers and sisters. Mum was cooking the xmas dinner after returning home from work (she was a waitress) deciding it would help his mum, he picked up 2 emty one pint milk bottles and said he would put them out for the milkman, opening the back door he picked up the bottles one in each hand and promptly tripped over the doorstep and fell, breaking both bottles under each arm, his mother scooped him up and wrapped his arms in pillow cases while dad called for the nieghbour who had a car and took him to the local hospital where 113 pieces of glass were removed from both arms and 74 stiches were put in to hold the skin together, this took around 3hrs and during it all he was being fed quality street sweets by the nurses who were holding him down to stop him moving, both arms were put into plaster casts and for two weeks he could'nt play with the toys he got for xmas, he is now grown up and had 3 children of his own, but made sure they would never be allowed to help carrying glass bottles.
This happened to me and I remember it as if it happened yesterday.

Answer 4

The dog in the garden next door to Murphy's place is barking all night long. It keeps Murphy himself awake for two nights running. On the third night he has had enough. He gets out of bed and goes into his neighbours garden where he steals the dog and then takes it into his own garden.

There he ties the dog to his back garden door whereupon, the dog begins its barking routine.

Murphy gets into his bed and says to Mrs Murphy, "There, now let's see how he bloody likes it."

~~~~::o::~~~

[ for 'Murphy' you could read it as 'Rabinowitz' or 'Gorman' or 'Akido' or 'Smith' or....etc etc ]

Answer 5

theres not going to be a winner as the cunts from yahoo will delete the question by tomorrow trust me I've tried similar lines of questioning

Answer 6

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him.
"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him.

The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter.

Seeing the suitcase St. Peter says,
"Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying,
"You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims,
"You brought pavement?!!!"

Answer 7

This statement should make you laugh and cry both! GEORGE W. BUSH IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

Answer 8

It only takes 3 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop.... "slurp" ...1... "slurp" ... 2 "slurp" ... 3... "crunch!"

Answer 9

what do you get if you cross a bulldog with a shitsu?...B@llsh*t !>>>>george bush>>>daffy duck!..what aright little fukkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeerrrr!...OR VOT !!!
scheizen housen blitzen greigen mein herr ballen bashen blasten votten tossen american presiden bushen babboonen schwein hunt

Answer 10

Look in the mirror perhaps?...You can laugh and cry at the same time! ;)