Is it ever OK to raise a child without a father?

Question

My son's father has opted not to be involved with my son, and has never even met him. He doesn't financially support him either. I am in the fortunate position whereby I don't need his money, and I think getting it may be more trouble than it's worth chasing it. However, should I be forcing my son's father to pay based on principle? Should I be forcing my son's father to meet his son? Is a rubbish father better than no father at all? My son and I are happy (he's 1 yr old), and have a relaxed home, but I worry about a future without a male role model for him.

Answer 1

he could have a male role model in your father, a close male friend, your brother.

No influence is better than the wrong influence.

As long as you provide a stable, happy environment he isn't going to miss what he never had.

In an ideal world it is nicer for him to have both parents that love him and are involved in his life BUT if that isn't possible then there is no point in forcing a man to be involved who may provide an erratic, neglectful influence.

You are doing the best you can and that is all your son could ask for.

Good luck x x x x

Answer 2

Of course you can raise him without a father.The fact that your sons father has never been involved speaks volumes about what a loser he is.
Your son will be much better off without him around and ultimately it will be his fathers loss.
It would be much better to have your male friends and relatives as roles models rather than his father anyway.
My friend who is now 43 and his brother 40 were raised by their mother because their dad was killed in an accident when the youngest fella was just a few months old.
Their mother did an excellent job and they are well educated decent guys both now with their own families.The circumstance which leads to there being no father to help raise the child is irrevelent,the fact is you dont need a man to make a good job of it.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Going after child support is something that I would go after. Considering that the courts will do all the digging up for you. And since you are well off I would collect the money and put it into a fund so that once he is old enough that can pay for college or something as valuable. That is what it is for the kids and he deserves it when ready because you should not have to do everything yourself, considering you didn't lay in that bed by yourself.

On the other had if he does not want anything to do with his son I would leave that alone, and let your son make that decision when he gets older. Because if you force his father to see him then your son will eventually realize that and might not be as forgiving.

Answer 4

Yes, he ought to pay support. The money's not for you...it is for your child. You never know down the road where that money could be needed (college, medical expenses, etc.)

Letting a bad father off scot-free is not the answer.

I don't know enough about the man he is to know if he would be a good influence on your child. Did you split up because you didn't get along with him or because he's a jerk? What you need to ask yourself is, is this person a good-hearted person that I want my child to emulate.

Of course he may have a legal right of visitation, but even those can be infrequent and supervised.

To answer your basic question, it's better for a child to have no father than a complete jerk as a dad. However it is unlikely you will remain without a male influence for the rest of your life, anyway.

Either way, pursue the support.

Answer 5

If you don't need the money do not bother with getting child support. Don't bother involving the father in the child's life. I believe that a father who is a bad influence on a child growing up, can scar that child for life.

When I got divorced after an abusive relationship, I fought for years to try and get money from the ex, but he was always out of a job etc. (Against the better judgement of most of my friends and family) I had decided that I would not stop him seeing his child even though he paid nothing. I did not want my child to hate me one day for keeping him away from his father.

But the truth of the matter was that on his weekends to fetch my child, most times he did not even bother to come. It use to break my heart to see this little boy standing with his suitcase waiting for his daddy to come and as the hours went by and the later it got, the more sad that little face was. Evenually it got to a stage where, I only got my son ready if and when his dad arrived to fetch him, to spare him the heartache. He always had some or other excuse. I very luckily had a very supportive family, and my parents helped me alot.

One day I met this wonderful man, who accepted my son as his own, and we have been married for the past 14 years. We have also had a child together who is 13 years old now.

The most important thing that your son needs is love, support and stability, and he does not need a rubbish father in his life, just for the sake of having a man around. When he is of age, you can give him the choice of finding his real father, if he decides thats what he want to do.

By then, you will probably be in a happy marriage, with a loving, wonderful man who has been a father to your son. He does not have to be the biological father, to be a dad. As long as he loves, and supports him and gives him stability, then in my eyes he can have the label "DAD"

My son is now 19 and has contact with his real father, but knows in his heart, which father was around to give him love and support while he was growing up, It was not his biological father. You are better off alone.

Answer 6

I understand completely what you're going through. I have a 1yr. old daughter and her father has opted not to acknowledge her either. That's good you feel as though you don't need his money, but you could be saving it for college or in case of emergencies. There is nothing wrong with raising your son on your own, but remember he's a boy and you can't teach him how to be a boy and grow up to be a man. It would be good to have a male role model in his life. Maybe a brother, cousin, or uncle. You can't force his dad to be there. It'll be his own lose. Good Luck to you and keep doing what your doing. Just allow God to guide you in the right way in raising your son and you won't go wrong.

Answer 7

I think no father is better than some crappy fathers. But children (of both sexes) need a father. I hope, for both of you, that you meet a man who can step in that pair of shoes and do well. But I don't think you should force your son's father to meet ?his son. That would have no purpose, unless a father is ready for a child, it may cause hurt to both. One of my mother's college friends was a father in college; then he was a father when his son was twenty (by another woman). In the second case, he really understood what it is to be a father, after having ignored his son for so long. It was a sad sight, for me, actually.

But I know from experience that genes will tell, too. I mean, my stepmother was shocked when she met me after 12 years (I had not met my father that long; I was 16) and I would use the same words, the same intonations, the same gestures, and even express the same ideas as my father; she found is spooky. It's just a warning what you may expect. It may be a lot weaker, but parentage will tell.

Answer 8

That's a loaded question. In my opinion, yes it is sometimes preferable to remove the father from the equation. If you force him to be a part of something he doesn't want it could be a disaster for your son. What kind of father will he be if he doesn't want it. You can always provide male role models for you son as he grows up with other male relatives and responsible friends. You never know who you may meet in the future that may be the perfect man for your son and yourself. My husband joined our family when my daughters were 11, 9, and 4. They all think of him as their father. In all the ways that count he is. He raised them, he made time for them and he thinks of them as his own children, as do his parents and family. The real father walked away and didn't call for years because he didn't want to pay child support. I worked to raise them myself and he missed out on some wonderful times and some wonderful people, now 23, 21, and 16, they are better off without him.

As for the child support, that's up to you. You can probably get financial support without physical contact, if you want to. If not, I'd get legal papers from him relinquishing parental rights. It may save you heartache in the future if he changes his mind and decides to become vengful.

Answer 9

if you and your son are happy and the father wants nothing to do with him i would let it go. if you are financially stable i would not push for child support, but i would ask the father to sign away his parental rights, this gives you full control for the rest of your child's childhood. my older sister had to raise her son without his father and the boy is very polite and well rounded. if you are concerned about a male role model, then maybe a good friend of the family, an uncle, a brother or a cousin could be around for your son. good luck to you, i wish you and your son continued happiness

Answer 10

Your husband should see a marriage counselor as he will in the future regret his actions.Your son will grow up not wanting any thing to do with him at all as he will think hes just another man not his daddy! Yes you are better raising your son alone than have a husband that doesnt want his son.It only would cause nightmares for you and your son if you force your husband to stay with you when he doesnt want you or your son..He needs to learn responsibility of supporting you and your son if not then leave him and you will find a man that loves you and your son.