Why am I always on the defensive? Whenever anyone says something I always take it the wrong way.?

Question

This includes family members, people at work and even friends.

Thanks for all the answers. I haven't done anything to be ashamed of but it does my head in when I'm like that.

Answer 1

lol dont listen to the bipolars, its just that you are an emotional person. Do you have a lt of stress in your life? and are you doing things that you know that your family or friends to not approve of? If so that may be the problem. Otherwise i would find something to trust, who u can work with and talk to everytime you feel this way. Trust me it helps. My suggestion is God, bc he's always there no matter the time or situation and he makes you feel awesome!

Answer 2

Im the same ,for me its that i cant take critism a wall goes up and so does my defensives and anger and emotions, its like people are getting at me constantantly some times-though counselling is helping a lot, i have a long way to go .i have realised its cause is through lack of attention as a child ,being put down at school,being bullied,and an abusive relationship,what im saying is i believe there is a cause, does any of these figure with you?do you suffer from pmt?.I generally do it mostly with people i can get away with it but now it affects my work.Find a good counseller,if you dont like the first or second they wont be offended -shop around! good luck
you can come out winning! it becomes a habit we have to change the tape in our head apparently!!this is just my oppion though,,thought it may help sharing my experience ,hope so!nobody can can tell you ,you have biopolar ,because you are defensive!!!!! dont listen to that **** please or worry, take care

Answer 3

It is not a fun way to be, is it? You have developed the habit of misinterpreting comments as personal attacks, probably because some jerk teased you as a kid. The good news is that you can get rid of old habits by replacing them with new ones. When someone says something you would usually be offended by, take a few deep breaths and count slowly to five. If you need clarification, you can CALMLY ask "what do you mean by that?" or "could you tell me more?" It also might help to enroll your friends and family in what you are doing. "I'm trying to listen more and not jump to conclusions so often...."

Answer 4

You're not bipolar. You should realize that others may have important things to say, and it is ok to be wrong sometimes. My daughter is the same way. I think it is because she wants to be liked so much, that she wants a reason for all imperfections no matter how trivial. She actually thinks very highly of herself, and for good reason. Just relax, you can't always be perfect, and right. You will always be a good person regardless of what people say or think.

Answer 5

It's common to people to have these outburst. The best idea is to take it in a positive way than a negative way. Best to realize what the person is saying instead of jumping to conclusions. Before you react to the statement or whatever think about it carefully. The relationships be like a domino's if one goes it would eventually take all.

Answer 6

You're insecure. Its not that big a deal, you can get over it.

Once you've recognized that its a problem, talk to your CLOSE friends and family about it. Tell them you're really trying to break old habits, and to please be patient if you overreact sometimes.

Your friends and family can help by patiently reminding you that no offense was meant when you get defensive. Once your attention is on the problem, you'll naturally start to avoid repeating it, because you'll feel embarassed. It will take time, but it will get better.

And congratulations on taking the first step to bettering yourself!

Answer 7

HMMM... its a self esteem issue.

You need to start having confidence in yourself and you will see that you will start to take things lightly. Also make sure you are eating well and regularly with plenty of fruits and vegetables.Also obtain vitamin B complex in large doses from the health shop and get plenty of exercise. If you dont like exericse. try to walk at least 7 miles twice a week. You will begin to feel much better.

Answer 8

Possibly........... Persistent Maladaptive Response.

ie. You 'go off on one' to anything and everything said to you - and you go the wrong way about it.

Try looking at alternative ways to respond to people.

Try asking yourself how other people might respond if *they* were asked/told the same thing.

Look for a way to respond that YOU think is a BETTER way to respond.

Look for a response that has a beneficial outcome.

Maybe go and get some help if it's starting to cause you to lose friends etc.

Answer 9

It could be that in your past you felt that people were attacking you in some way and you are now always on the defensive.

Best to go to a counselor and talk it out, see where it originated and then you can better deal with it. I am glad you recognize what is happening, that is the first step to changing your behavior.

Answer 10

Have you been put down a lot by your family? Many times things like this start when we are young. Sometimes though, they start in the teens when our peers don't treat us right. You need to figure out why you are this way and then work to respond differently to people.