why is it that guys are in chare of relationships?

Question

Ok...Why are most guys in charge of the relationships? Most girls end by gettin beaten, called names, or worse. I know this from my cousin dates a guy who does that to her. He threatened her life and now she can't get out of this really bad relationship. She can't even wear shorts, tanktops, and skirts. He's a real a**hole. Our whole family hates him and she can't do anything about it. We all tired to talk to her about her problem and she won't admit that he beats her and when she won't admit she says the marks are from her work or some other lie. What are your ideas about bad relationships and why are the guys always in charge?

Answer 1

Not all guys are like that and in most relationships it is 50/50. Nobody is in charge of anybody. You just run into a few control freaks who take it too far because they are insecure with themselves. They prey on weak people who don't know how to think for themselves.

Answer 2

I'm sorry that your cousin is involved with someone like that. However, before she can do anything to help her situation, she has to take responsibility for where she's at and what's happening. The fact that she's "denying" what's going on shows that she isn't willing to admit to her part. She is the one who chose this person, she obviously rushed into something without getting to know who the person truly was and made a bad investment of her time and emotions.

In the future, I wish women would take the time to get to know someone. Longer than a few weeks or months. It takes a while for a true friendship to form between people. I've always been amazed at how careless people are with their hearts. If you were looking to invest money that you've worked hard and earned into a stock or fund. You would probably do some research, ask around, find out everything you could about it, look at it's potential and observe how it's acting for a while. You would consider it's long term payoff and most people I think would invest in a stock that would last. Something that may not pay off overnight, but will definitely show steady growth over a long period of time. Yet, when people start up a new relationship, they don't go into with any of those requirements. People are willing to invest their most precious possession, their heart, and their health based on what someone looks like and how they make you feel. I guess there's more to the old motto, take it slow, get to know. Than people realize.

So based on that, I would say that your cousin is right where she's chosen to be. Whether by poor judgement or by choice, it's still where she's chosen to be. I hope she's able to find the strength to change her situation. In the end though, it's something she has to do, not you.

Answer 3

Most relationships are NOT like that. It's the mistaken belief that they are, that lets some women think that this is okay.

I was an abused wife (not as bad as her..but still), and guys who abuse their women are very insecure and not in control of their emotions. So they start out as the most loving and attentive men a gal could want. These are the guys that give you all their time.

You know how hard it can be to get a guy to give you more attention than his friends or other things..so the guy that is super attentive makes you feel really good. Then you begin to see a spark of jealousy. Initially that feels good too because you mistakenly think that means he really cares.

What it really means is that he is afraid you'll leave and he must NEVER be the one to be dumped. So he gets more and more controlling. He'll eventually talk you out of ALL your relationships. Soon you can't see your friends, and eventually even your family will be cut off. At that point you have no life beyond HIM, so leaving him becomes frightening because you're scared of being alone.

He'll also eventually convince you that YOU'RE the reason he's so angry and that it is all your fault. This makes you feel bad about yourself and you mistakenly think he does this out of love and that if you only do better, the abuse will stop. But it only gets worse.

You NEED to get her out of that relationship. Pack up her things and take her somewhere else for awhile. Have her put restraining orders in place for him to stay away. If he tries to contact her after that, she can have him arrested. (and she should).

She needs to get away before she gets pregnant or she'll be tied to him forever (and he WILL use that kid as a weapon and probably beat the kid too).

There's a great list of how to spot an abuser on www.drphil.com. Send it to her (or better yet, read it with her and talk about it)

Abuse is not love. He doesn't love her; he just needs to control her.

Most relationships are NOT like this. The faster girls recognize the signs and walk away from these guys, the faster men will get the point that this is not okay.

Anyone that wants to get super serious very quickly (whirlwind romance) is a possible candidate for abuser.

Your family CAN get her out. Just take her if she's under 18. If she's over, work with a counselor at a batter women's group to start her understanding and make an escape plan. If you can get her to agree, she can move back in with her parents who will have to guard her and enforce restraining orders.

There is life after abuse, but the sooner she gets out, the better.

Answer 4

You've made a totally incorrect assumption. In a healthy relationship, neither one is "in charge", and neither one beats on or abuses the other in any way. Your cousin is in a very sick, scary, threatening relationship that she needs to get out of. And in your case, make sure you understand that this is not the type of guy that you should choose to be with, ever. This type of man is a minority. Good men do not beat women.

Answer 5

There aren't always in charge. Actually relationships are supposed to be 50/50. And she can do something about it she can leave his sorry A.S.S but she has to get the nerve to do it. Some girls take awhile to decide they are strong enough to leave an abusive partner. She needs to realize it will only get worse.

Answer 6

a relationship is good when both partners have their own voice in any situation. guys are not supposed to be in charge all the time. it takes two to tango. i don't think a relationship will last if its just one sided. only one makes decisions.
as to your cousin you should report the guy to the police. your cousin needs help. the guy might need counselling. so why not try resolve it as early as now, they may still save their relationship. because the way i see it, your cousin still love him.

Answer 7

My man's not in charge of our relationship. I am. That doesn't mean I hit him or anything like that, I just wear the pants. As far as her relationship, she needs to get out and get a restraining order against him. He's not in charge, he's a pu**y.

Answer 8

Actually, if you think about it, we are all in charge of our lives, relationships and all. Your cousin is THE ONLY ONE who can do something to help herself. All you have to do is be very supportive and help her in any way you can. Continue to insist that she's being abused and help her seek professional help.
Ultimately, she has the control and that is why it is so difficult. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 9

wow. someone needs help with self esteem. in a positive, loving, healthy realtionship, its a team. There is no one in charge....only people who wants things better for themselves are going to care about making things better. Ya'll can talk til yur blue in the face, it wont help unless she wants to get out.

Answer 10

some guys think that females are the weaker sex and some females think the same way about them as well. she can get out of the relationship just as fast as she got into it.