What would you if your were me?? HELP!?

Question

Been in a relationship for 2 years now. Problem is his moods. There are weeks when he is the most adorable person & will send text messages & emails to tell me he loves me, then there are weeks when he’s Mr ICE. He won’t talk to me, he’ll pretend to be busy & generally act like I don’t exist. I wasn’t feeling too good & had to go to the docs for some tests. I called him Friday, he never asked how I was & how it all went so I got emotional & let it out. I told him I didn’t like his ‘hot today, cold tomorrow ‘ attitude & I needed him to be a little more attentive. That did it coz all weekend he never called, never saw me, nothing. Sent a text message to ask him what was going on. No response.

I tolerate BS & I like to give people a chance, but this is crazy. I love him & wouldn’t want to regret if I walked. Talking won’t work coz he thinks he’s always right. My friends says I should give him a taste of his own medicine, should I? If you were me, what would you do?

Answer 1

Well, if you're to the point in your relationship where talking about it is pointless, you probably need to stop wasting so much time and effort into it. Don't ever put more into a relationship than what you're getting out of it, you'll wear yourself out. I know, I've done it too many times. If it's a one way street (his way), and he talks to you when it's convenient for him, and he thinks he's always right, he obviously doesn't care enough for you to put his ego aside to work things out. If he doesn't care, why should you.
And don't ever regret things you've done/willing to do in life, only regret those which you weren't willing to experience. Take everything you've tried as learning experiences...if it doesn't kill you, it can only make you stronger!

Answer 2

He's not pretending to be busy when he says he's busy he is busy. Think about it he's saying I don't want to talk with you right now I've got other things I want to be doing. Moods swings are not uncommon with men. Do you know for certain if he's been diagnosed with a mental health issue? Often times mood swings are associated with bipolar disease or some other condition. He May be on meds or have some substance abuse issues you're not aware of. He didn't ask how you were because he probably was so self absorbed he doesn't really care how you are. His disappearing act is telling you what's going on. He doesn't want to be involved. Don't take it as a personal rejection. He's not what you need. Let go. You can't make him be something he isn't. Two years is sufficient time to give him the old college try. But move on with lesson learned. There are alot of other guys out there who may be waiting for a girl like you. It's only crazy if you continue to participate in a dead end non fulfilling relationship. Let go. Don't look back. Take what you've learned from this relationship to remind you what you both want & don't need in a relationship. You can do it. Stop singing the blues! Be well, Take good care of yourself both physically & spiritually.

Answer 3

Okay, don't just pass up this answer cause it's way at the bottom, because I'm a guy who really knows what he's talking about here. I want you to hear me out, and really consider what I'm saying before you decide if I'm wrong. (Sometimes people don't want to hear the answer, but I think you'll be level-headed enough to listen.)

It really sounds like this guy cared (probably still does) for you, and that he did the smart thing by giving you space in the relationship. Seriously, it might not seem like it to you, but it's actually a very wise choice to be "cold" as you put it, sometimes. He's probably been in quite a few relationships already, and knows what works and what doesn't.

What doesn't work is constantly being all loving and "adorable." Eventually, that gets old and the magic of the relationship dies. So, he kept his distance half the time so he could give the relationship room to breath, which really is quite a logical thing to do whether he knows it or not. (I think he does.)

Personally, I think you overreacted when he didn't ask how you were doing after going to the doctor. Obviously you were okay enough to have a conversation with him, so he probably didn't feel the need to ask. I do agree, however, that it wasn't very considerate of him to not, at the very least, mention it. (Who knows, perhaps he was just about to mention it right before you got mad?)

You probably don't agree with any of this, and I don't blame you, but I'm doing you a favor by giving you a guy's perspective on this. So I say, if he were the type of guy to have a mind that works like this, it's likely he's not even mad at you anymore, or actually probably never was mad at all. He's probably waiting to give you time to cool off before he calls back, or better yet, comes to see you to make up. However, If he doesn't call you back anytime soon, (like within the next couple days) he probably decided to leave you and find someone else.

So to answer your question, I'd say to listen to the advice your friends gave you. Give him some time to miss you, and he'll come back soon enough.

Answer 4

First thing is that he does not love you the same extent as you love him.
When you're in love, there are problems that you're going to have to go through but.....this is not one of them.
I'm also a person who takes BS from people and continue to give my all until I get to the boiling point and everything explodes.
That shouldn't have happened.
You should have been able to easily tell him how you felt before you couldn't take it anymore and threw it all out at once.
If I was in that situation, I would leave.
Why?
Because you're suffering.
And he's causing it by not talking and staying quiet, when talking is the number one thing you two should be doing right now.
Your outburst should have definitely triggered something in his mind. Should have been his push to strive for the solution of healing the gap that he seems to be oblivious to.
And if you're doing all you can to contact him and he's ignoring you...then the only excuse would be that, God forbid, he's in a coma or he's dead.
Otherwise he does not care.
Another thing is, don't give him a taste of his own medicine because most likely you're the one who's gonna get the blow.

Answer 5

I had an ex that acted the same way. Please note that I said "ex". When you are not a moody person and you are constantly being manipulated or controlled by someone else's moods, it just can't work. When he was in a good mood, it was OK for everyone to be in a good mood. When he was in a bad mood, you couldn't even speak to him until he got over it. That's not fair because the non-moody person may need something, like you did, and will be completely neglected. I am not at all a needy person, but it did get ridiculous.

I finally did give him a taste of his own medicine and he whined like a baby!!! It was pretty funny. Finally, I just had to break it off because it wasn't healthy. I never knew what kind of day it was gonna be because he was so unpredictable.

Answer 6

well I think its terrible that hes putting through these mixed up emotions all the time. I know that it is very hard to do things that you feel is right sometimes espeacially when it comes to the person you love but dont let that stand in your way. I would totally ignore him and treat him the same way that he is treating you. It will be difficult to do espeacially when he calls bieng all sweet again but make sure you keep it up for a while until he breaks down and sees what it is like and how it feels. Eventually He will stop or not and then if He doesnt than I suggest that you find yourself someone else. I know Its not that easy but If you keep letting this go on he will know that he can just keep doing it and your just going to get mad but put up with it and that will just make you get more stressed amd broken hearted and you both will eventually fade completly away from each other.

Answer 7

There's not a lot you can do. He sounds bi-polar, which is not a bad thing it just means that you change demeanor quickly or drastically. He needs a mood balancer, however good luck getting him to go see someone about it. If he isn't even willing to talk about it, never mind go see a doctor about it. Then again, how important is your relationship to him if he's not willing to go talk to someone. When properly medicated - they are not narcotics, they are mood balancers - like Lithium, it's a natural salt found in the body, it's just probably not balanced correctly. But when those balances don't balance you end up with someone exactly like you're boyfriend. If he's not willing to go and talk to someone about it for 30 - 45 minutes (they can usually figure it out that quickly) - if he's not willing to do that, than he's made it clear that he does not care or love you. The decision is your's at that point (I'd say let him go - he either goes and talks to someone or get out. If he's not willing to try, why should you keep putting forth an effort?).

Answer 8

Do you call him, text him or anything like that to tell him that you love him? Have you had time to sit down with him and actually talk about how you feel? Not vent to him on the phone, but actually sit down face to face and TALK. No getting mad just talking about your relationship and what is wrong ann what could be done to fix it.

If you do and he still acts the same way, it does sound like it is time to move on. Don't waste time giving him a taste of his own medicine because that would give him a reason to want to dump you and you are after all the person who has had enough. I hope this helps out because i hate to hear about people in bad realtionships as i suffered in one for far to long.

Answer 9

I agree with tithee. Talk to him. Something to consider though. Get your feelings organized with yourself. No point having a whirlwind of confusion. Have a look at the areas that you don't feel good. He doesn't call constantly. Is he taking you for granted? You went to the doc. He didn't bother. Does he care? Are his feelings fading? Yours sure aren't but before asking him, ask yourself these questions. What's he going through? And be honest. Don't make excuses for him. Is he goin through a bad patch at work.. or is it really that his feelings are fading and if that's the case, you'll know inside yourself that they are. You don't need to ask anyone or treat him the way he treats you. Two wrongs certainly don't make a right. Find out within yourself and then talk to him. Tell him how you feel.. which doesn't mean accusing him. People get defensive when they're accused so try and avoid that situation. I hope you get this resolved. Gd luck!

Answer 10

Put him on the spot, politely tell him yous need to talk and xplain how your feeling and that your not stupid but what he's doing is a sign of cheating and that you know he's a bigger man than that so please if you do have a change of heart about our relationship, to be Man enough to talk to you about it. That word Man usually gets there attention, and just hopefully he'll open up to you.Then you can chalk him up as a good experience, and lesson learned and move on.Oh ya, as far as givin him a taste of his own med., haven't you learned yet that 2 wrongs don't make a right. I think by givin him taste of his own, would be like telling him it's ok he does cheat and that you will play his game. If it's suppose to be a serious relationship, then you 's should be to mature for games.So if you are serious about this relationship, I would just lay it all on the line and if you end up without him then you just chalk it up to a good experience and move on. Hope I didn't confuse you more. Good Luk.

Answer 11

You know what you should do. You need to find someone who will treat you like a queen.
I have a friend who is in the exact same kind of relationship. Unfortunately she married him 20 years ago. She hates life and constantly wishes she had broke it off when they were just dating.
Over the years she has tried everything and nothing has worked. So I doubt that your giving him a taste of his own medicine will amount to anything but a waste of your time.
My friend is always sad, and wants a life of love so bad it hurts. Don't make her mistake... find someone who will show you love, compassion and be a good partner. He won't and can't. And he will NEVER EVER change.

For your own sake, move on. Please.