How do you get an adult child to move out?

Question

My son is 21 had left home once for college 1 year. Now has been living with us since then. He wont seem to grow up. You try and talk to him about it and he gets mad. He has a hard time talking to people( applying for jobs etc.) He does work and is a hard worker just doestnt keep it very long.

Answer 1

These people saying change the locks -- they don't have adult children. They don't understand that you still love them, You just want them to be responsible adults. I agree with the rest though - charge him rent -- don't "do" for him. Tell him he's 21 years old and he's going to have to start acting like it. Make sure it hits his wallet too --- he'll change his tune and decide he'd rather be on his own if he has to pay anyway.

Answer 2

Oh my goodness, I, too, have a 21-yr-old son living at home!! He went to a community college for 1 year while also working part-time. He really wanted a break from school, so he continued to work. He changed jobs a little more than a year ago and then quit that job. Told us he'd gotten another one, but after a number of months we found out he hadn't. He was very remorseful and ashamed about his dishonesty. Went back to the original place he'd worked and now works there.

Although he's a quiet person with a select group of friends, he has become more assertive as he's gotten older. He can stand up for himself and is quite sociable when he gets to know somebody. He also dates. He, too, is a hard worker.

We haven't charged him any rent, because he's had some financial things to take care of regarding car insurance, etc. We have a 15-yr-old daughter and I think having her older brother still at home is good for them both: they've developed a more mature connection and are able to confide in each other. He also sometimes drives her places, which is helpful to us.

I am not sure what to suggest exactly. Unlike many people who want to "kick the kid out" because he/she is supposedly an adult at 18, I feel that my son is still getting his bearings as a young adult. We try to be supportive of him. There will hopefully come a point when he's able to move out, perhaps share an apt. with a friend. But, he's not there yet.

I do feel for you and wish I could give you more concrete advice. Try to find out why he doesn't keep jobs long...that would help. Can you talk to him in a way that he won't get so mad? I know it can be hard.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Too bad if he gets mad! Give him a deadline to move out. He has no incentive to keep a job. Why does he not keep a job....does he have a temper? If he does, he needs to control it. Hunger and a place to live is a good incentive for keeping a job....you letting him live with you allows him to continue his behavior.

He needs to sink or swim. Be firm - give him time to save some money to get a place of his own. When the deadline gets here - he must move out....even if he has to stay with a friend. This is what you call tough love - it has to be done. He will thank you when he does grow up - but this way he won't grow up.

I had to do the same with my son. He's now 28 and I am starting to feel like he's finally starting to take responsibility for the decisions and choices that he has made. Your son needs to do the same.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Give the guy 30 days to get himself together and get an apartment or a travel trailer. He can only mooch off of you if you allow it, and that's what you're doing. You're enabling this MAN to suck you dry and feel sorry for him. Even animals know when to put the babes out and let them do on their own. No more talk. Tell him, "you have 30 days"...put it in writing..." here is our contract; sign it". If he doesn't make an attempt during the 30 days and is still leaching off of you, change the locks on the house and put his stuff out. Tough love. He won't like it either way, but you'll be doing him a great service. What he's doing is your fault for not instilling those values of self-worth in him earlier. Now, you're paying the price of spoiling the brat. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. OH...don't give him any money or the car, or anything else.

Answer 5

He'll work and maintain a job if he is expected to share in the expenses/bills while living with you. He may then get the picture that he doesn't like that he can provide for himself on his own. Parents should expect something more if grown, capable individuals are living in their home still. Who cares is he gets upset? Are you going to want to care for him and watch him be unproductive the rest of his life? If not, you've got to bite the bullet and set up some guidelines or ask him to leave.

Answer 6

1) Watch failure to launch. and if that doesn't work..
2) Watch Baby Boy (Tyrese) walk around the house naked with your love interest, he'll get irritated and pack that day.
3) Tell him your planning on moving - to a ONE bedroom home
4) Start having him pay a fourth of the bills, then up it to half, once he finds a job
5) Tell him to keep his door open when he brings a girl home or give her the third degree, no offense to the young lady.

Answer 7

He has to learn that he must take care of himself on his own.The only way he can do that is to be on his own.Obviously he at least thinks he's grown,so you must treat him as such.Tell him it is time for him to get his own place were he can take the responsibility of being a man,and not expect you to carry him any longer.You want him out,you have to be serious and direct,no games,no caring if he gets mad.Firm but with just a hint caring,even though you care a lot.

Answer 8

My sister has the same exact problem. Boy 19, hasn't finished school, loves to cruise with friends and that is all that seems to be on his mind. Doesn't work either -- can't keep a job. I told her to give him an ultimatum, either finish school, work or get out!

Answer 9

Tell him he either needs to go to school or get a job. Give him a time frame of when he has to accomplish getting back into school or getting a job. If he doesn't have either one by the end of the time frame, kick him out.

Answer 10

Make sure you don't give him any perks of living at home... i.e. don't do his laundry, clean his room, give him money. Tell him he needs to start helping with some of the bills, he will not think it's so great to live at home if he has to pay and would rather pay for his own place. Good luck....